2015 yearender.

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guilt has never left me. when i learnt that you two broke up because of me. every day, i keep on telling you “go back to her and fix things with her”. you said you already have made your choice and therevs nothing left to fix. after a few weeks.. just a few days ago. december 25. what a lovely gift from a ‘concerned officemate’.  a picture of you two together. i asked you to leave me alone. you cried and asked me not to leave you. coz you were just ‘pretending’ to be ok for your relatives. i’ve had enough.
the next day, i got a message from her. asking me for the truth.
and yes she was right. how can you cheat on me with her, when in the first place.. i was the side chick.
you could’ve just been true. to you. to me. to her.

“let me fix things first.. do some soul and self-searching. and if no one will ever accept me again, if i have nothing left in me.. please don’t close your doors on me. i want you to be there.. ”

that’s bullshit! i’m not that stupid.
thank you. for everything.
and i wish i’ll never get to see you again.

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A year ago, i only have keith & pem, ate jo, joe & lye & lou & ken as my closest friends..
Every day is a blessing, a moment to cherish and celebrate life.
I thank Him for taking one person away from me, and replacing it with a few better pack.

#pabebemodesaumaga

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When someone gave you flowers.. On a black-letter day.. How do we usually react? Being maarte & all that, if i saw a guy giving flowers/bouquet to a lady, my friends and i would say “uy oh.. Love!”  or “sus.. Sa simula lang yan..”  or “nku basted yan!”
When P and i were still together, i always tell him “alam mo.. I’d rather you give me valuavle things instead of flowers. I’d rather receive cookbooks, can opener.. Pink broom.. Instead of flowers.” so our last date? He gave me pink hangers instead. And i really did appreciate it (then).
Now.. When you’re in the cafeteria getting free coffee 10minutes before your shift and someone approached you and handed you flowers.. Well.. I was dumbfounded. Stupidity at its finest! Instead of saying thank you, just seeing almost everyone looking at you, i just blurted out “what the fuck?! I’m not sick! Why do you have to wait up just to give me flowers?!”
All there is to say is.. I’m sorry. I’m just really maarte. And you don’t have a choice but to get over it!

just my dreams as a guide, i set off is search of sandy gardens. set under Mr. Sun's glow. no maps, no plans, here i go. This is me!