june 3, 2014
me: “no! jolo can’t do that! he won’t cheat on me!”
friend 1: “no, tin. he already did! this isn’t the first time that i saw him with another woman.”
friend 2: “i saw him before too when our team mate asked me to have a yosi break. we saw then downstairs. i thought they’re just close. but they’re not just close. they said they’ve been seeing him there with that girl almost everyday during their first break around 4-4.30.”
i started to cry. he can’t do that.
me: ‘thanks guys for the concern.. but i know he really can’t do that. maybe he’s just close with those girls.. coz that’s what he is. he’s always been like that! but no, he’s definitely not cheating on me.”
friend 1: “antagal n nito tin! last year pa eh.. di ka man lang nagtanong.. di ka man lang nag-usisa. di mo man lang kami kinausap about him”
me: “kasalanan ko ba kung masyado ko lang syang mahal & sobra ako nagtiwala?”
friend 2: “wala ka man lang ba naramdaman? di ka man lang nagduda?”
me: “hindi eh. lagi naman kami magkasama. magkaiba man sched namin, lagi nya ko sinusundo & mgkasama naman kmi sa bahay kaya never ako nag-isip. hindi nga sya nagli-leave ng hindi ko kasabay eh”
friend 1: “hinde? baka gusto mo ibigay ko sayo yung dates na naka-leave sya?”
<:article class=”node node-article node-promoted node-published node-not-sticky author-joel-dobben odd clearfix”>
I’m confused too. What does that even mean? Whatever his problems, I think you’re being jerked around, frankly, even if he is dealing with personal issues outside of your relationship. Moving on may be for the best. There appear to be two different possibilities here. The first is that something is seriously awry. He could be having family problems or even health problems like depression. He may feel that you shouldn’t be involved. At the same time, you care deeply about him, and his refusal to elaborate on his situation shows a lack of honesty. You are a potential source of enormous support, and he keeps refusing to lean on you. You don’t want a guy who refuses to trust you enough to tell you what’s going on when you’ve shown that you deserve that trust.
What really disturbs me is that this is a cycle. He may be genuinely troubled about outside matters, but it’s also possible that “not emotionally healthy enough” is a flowery way of saying that he’s confused about his particular feelings for you. We all get pretty confused about our feelings from time to time, granted, but this guy is a repeat offender. No healthy relationship can be totally ruled by uncertainty. I’m sure he has feelings for you, although perhaps not as strong as yours for him, but if he can’t commit to a relationship built on honesty then I’m not sure what another “soul search” will accomplish. You’re doing yourself a disservice if you wait around for anyone. I would feel less strongly about this if this hadn’t been a repeat occurrence or if the language he used were less vague and oddly dramatic.
You’re not naive and you’re definitely not stupid. You’re just letting personal feelings blind you to what’s best for you, which happens to everybody. I don’t know whether a person can really love someone and in the process not be able to be with her. I do know that this relationship seems to do nothing but hurt you. I’m guessing many of your friends feel the same way. It’s time to cut the ties. Don’t make any weepy e-mails or phone calls. Just stop talking to him. Go Gotye, is my new post-rejection motto. If there is any way you can avoid seeing him in the future, try. The silver lining in your situation is that he’s going abroad. You have time to heal. Stop living for some guy who isn’t even sure he wants you, and focus again on yourself as an individual.