It is a mystery why we fall in love. It is a mystery how it happens. It is a mystery when it comes. It is a mystery why some love grows, and it is a mystery why some love fails. You can analyze this mystery and look for reasons and causes, but you will never do anything more than take the life out of the experience. Life itself is more than the sum of interests and attractions and commonalities that two people share. And just as life is a gift that comes and goes in its own time, so too the coming and going of love must be taken as an unfathomable gift that cannot be questioned in its ways.
Sometimes, hopefully at least once in your life, the gift of love will come to you in full power, and you will take hold of it and celebrate it in all its inexpressible beauty. This is the dream we all share. More often, it will come and take hold of you, celebrate you for a brief moment, then move on. When this happens to young people, they too often try to grasp the love and hold it to them refusing to see that it is a gift that is freely given and a gift that just as freely moves away.
When they fall out of love, or the person they love feels the spirit of love leaving, they try desperately to reclaim the love that is lost rather than accepting the gift for what it was, then moving on. They want answers where there are no answers. They want to know what is wrong in them that makes the other person no longer love them. Or they try their lover to change thinking that if some small things are different, love would bloom again. They blame each other. They blame their circumstances and say that if they go far away and start a new life together, their love will grow. They try to give meaning to what has happened. But there is no meaning beyond the love itself, and until they accept its own mysterious ways, they live in sea of misery.
If you fall in love with someone who does not love you, be gentle with yourself, there is nothing wrong with you. Love just did not choose to rest on the other person’s heart. If you fall in love with another and she falls in love with you, and then love chooses to leave, do not reclaim it or assess blame. Let it go. There is a reason and there is a meaning. You will know it in time. If you find someone else in love with you and you don’t love her, feel honored that love came and called at your door. But gently refuse the gift you cannot return. And all our hearts feel the same pains and joys, even if our lives and ways are different.
Remember that you don’t choose love, love chooses you. All you can really do is accept it for all its mystery when it comes to your life. Feel the way it fills you to overflowing. Then reach out and give it away. Give it back to the person who brought it to you. Give it to the world in any way you can. This is where so many lovers go wrong. Having been so long without love, they understand it only as a need. They see their hearts as empty places that will be filled by love, and they begin to look at love as something that flows to them rather than from them. This first blush of new love is filled to overwhelm. But as their love cools, they revert to seeing their love as a need. They cease to be someone who seeks love. They forget that the secret of love is that it is a gift that can only be made to grow by giving it away.
Remember this and keep this in your heart: love has its own time, its own seasons, and its own reasons for coming and going. You cannot bribe it, or coerce it, or reason it into staying. You can only embrace it when it arrives and give it away when it comes to you. But if it chooses to leave from your heart or from the heart lover, there is nothing you can do and there is nothing you should do. Love has always been and will always be a mystery. Be glad that it came to live in your life and heart for a moment. If you keep your heart open, it will surely come again. Failure is only the opportunity to begin again more intelligently.