ode to my self.. and you

There are those times when you feel like nothing could possibly go your way. You look outside and feel that there is no way the world is still spinning the way it was when you were once happy. You tried so hard to get past the emptiness that you feel within your soul but now, nothing is ever going to be the same. You hate knowing that the one person special to you doesn’t feel even a fraction of the emotions that seep from you, and you wish that there was a way to tell him, and not fear of losing the friendship between you..

You’re lost, scared, alone and you can’t take it anymore. And the way he treats you is destroying you. He makes you feel like you mean so much to him but you feel that it’s impossible. He holds such a vulnerable thing captive and that thing is your heart. He is close to breaking it but so close to setting you free, and you’re willing to risk it. It hurts to be torn between so many emotions. I wish it could all just stop. I want to believe that he’s happy. And I know if he’s happy, you’re happy too. You are happy, you should be, because I know you would do anything for him, because he mean so much to you. It hurts to know that the one thing that brought a smile to your face again, and made you happy, was gone.

You only love him because you fear that he might just be the only one that will ever love you.

______________________________________________________________________________________________

I only want to know, if you would have ever made me an option? Would you have been able to love me more than you love her? Let me know.. so that I know if it’s worth still hoping that one day, we could at least be friends again.. because clearly, we are not. You rejected me. You pushed me away. You always push me away. I know 5 years was never enough. I may not have known you for a long time, but my love for you is so strong, and I never was in love with anyone else as much as I love you.

You want me to tell you the truth?
Yeah.. I dream about you every night. I spend endless afternoons thinking about you.
Never was there a time that I didn’t think about you.

When I first met you, I thought you would be different. I’d been judged before, and for once in my life, I thought it was my personality that counted for you, not my past, but apparently not. For a while, you made me feel as though I actually meant something to someone.

I made a choice to finally let go. Because I can’t stand the pain, it’s time for my last tear to fall, and for me to smile again.

From now on, when you think of me.. just remember that I could’ve been the best thing you’ve ever had. Sabi nga sa movie.. you had me at your best, and you had me at your worst.. and yes, you also chose to break my heart.. while I was holding on.. all you did was let go.

Today was just one of those days when everything I did reminded me of you, and every song I hear somehow relates to you. I hate days like today, because they reminded me of the one thing I don’t have. It’s really painful to say goodbye to someone that you don’t want to let go, but it’s even more painful to ask someone to stay if they never wanted to.

I’m holding on to something that used to be there, hoping it will come back, knowing it won’t. have you ever hated somebody so much that you wish they would just leave and never come back, but yet, loved them so much, you knew you’d die if they didn’t?

I’m going to smile, because I want to make you happy, laugh so you won’t see me cry. I’m now going to let you go in style, and even if it kills me, I’m going to smile.

I hate the way I could never hate you. Love is putting up with someone’s bad qualities because they somehow complete you. Life sucks a lot of times di ba? But you know, if you can get through a heartbreak, you can get through almost anything.

One day, you’ll look back and think.. damn! that girl really did love me! Or maybe you won’t.
You are definitely my first love.

Every guy I’ll be with for the rest of my life will always be compared to you.

Time and time again, I forgave you. I’ve forgiven you for things that I swore to my self I’d never forgive someone for, and here you are, still hurting me, and still I forgave you..

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