i saw this post from a blog i’ve been following.. and the author gave a few points on how to tell if a guy is cheating.. i can’t believe i’ve been so blind! all this time i’ve been thinking that he’s just giving me mixed signals that’s why he keeps on saying different reasons and that everytime we’d talk it’s a new version..
• When people cheat, it’s because they have lost a sense of wanting to try. It’s not that they don’t love you, it’s that they realize trying will be futile.
He keeps on saying “hindi na ko Masaya.. tinry ko naman lahat para maging masaya ulit kaya lang wala talaga eh.. nawawala ulit. Kaya nga tama na.. kasi ako mismo sumuko na.. ako mismo ayoko na..Gusto ko naman maging masaya. Alam ko makakakita ako ng bago kung gugustuhin ko, kasi kaya ko. Kaya ikaw maghanap ka na din ng iba na makakapagpasaya sayo kasi hindi na ako yun…”
• Because of this, they would rather seek immediate solace in someone else. We cannot deny the fact that we, as people, need love, connection, intimacy, sex. If we aren’t getting it from the person whom we are supposed to be, we look elsewhere.
“mahal kita.. mas mahal kita kesa sa kanya.. kaya lang ayaw na kita saktan.. tingin mo ba maghahanap ako ng iba kung masaya pa ko sayo. Hinihintay lang naming na umalis ka para we can go public na!”
• It’s not that it’s the other person’s fault, the action is the fault of the cheater’s and the cheater’s alone– but we cannot neglect to see how (especially in a marriage where you vow to love each other and work through things no matter what) when one party fails to keep that promise, the other may, in a fit of heartbrokenness and loneliness, reach elsewhere.
“sorry ha.. nun kasi sinabi ko sayo na pakakasalan kita bago ako mag-30.. nun sinabi ko sayo na gusto ko garden or beach wedding.. yung dreams mo kasi.. comment na lang para sakin..”
• We are animals at the end of the day. We are not immune to feeling attracted to other people. But when we feel secure in our relationships as they are, we don’t feel we have to act those attractions.
“sorry.. hindi ko alam bakit ganito.. dati sabi ko lang ayoko matulad sa dad ko.. pero kakaiwas ko sa ginawa nya noon.. yun ang ginagawa ko ngayon. Difference lang naming is wala ako nabuntis. Kahit kasi wala ako lapitan meron lumalapit. Kahit wala ako itext, meron nagtetext. Pero instead na iwasan ko, nagugustuhan ko yung feeling na meron nagkakagusto sakin kahit ganito ako.. na nageenjoy ako sa attention na nakukuha ko.. iniiwasan ko naman noon eh.. hanggang sa hinahanap hanap ko na..”
• We all do really, really stupid things sometimes. Unfortunately, some of us do them with extended consequences. Sometimes we don’t consider the weight of what we’re actually doing.
“binabastos kita noon.. kahit nun bago pa lang tayo nagkikita kami ni Nicole, may nangyayari pa rin samin. meron pang ibang babae.. may nangyayari din. hanggang sa magbreak tayo binabastos pa din kita.. tama na.. ayaw na kita saktan.”
1. If you inquire as to where they were on a certain night, why they are texting so-and-so, or any other obvious indicators that something could be happening, and they immediately become very defensive and angry with you, that is the biggest red flag.
*he always text me at 1:30AM saying he’s already home. After I’ve talked to our landlady, she told me that she’s been seeing him entering the gate at 4:30AM everyday, for the past few months..
*he always bring his phone wherever he go, be it in the kitchen, in the bathroom.. he never leave it near me even if he’s sleeping. He’s only charging it after taking a bath when he’s roaming around the house (just to be sure that I wont check his phone when he’s not looking?)
*after texting marj and ida (during his ‘alone’ time), marj told me he’d ask him what’s wrong. I asked her not to do it. That same day, after their shift started, he texted me and asked “you went thru my phone? Who else did you involved in this?!!!” then after a few days he told me not to text any of his friends because they don’t know anything, then he admitted that all my messages were forwarded to him and that he’s the one who typed the answers/replies and that he forward those to marj and ida, then they’ll forward it to me.
2. Likewise, if you ask if they are being unfaithful directly, and they become unreasonably angry and avoid answering the question, turning it around on you: why would you think such a thing? Do you not trust me? You don’t love me!
*after talking to honey and telling her jolo’s ‘first’ reason why he broke up with me (“hindi na ko masaya..” ) honey said that’s the same reason her ex-husband used when they broke up then after 5 hours she caught him talking to a woman on the phone inside their bathroom. I told jolo about what honey said. Jolo just said “kung mas magiging madali sayo to kung iisipin mo na meron akong ibang babae.. yun na lang ang paniwalaan mo.. pero sinasabi ko sayo wala.. hanggang ngayon pala wala ka pa rin tiwala sakin.. iniisip mo pa rin na nambababae ako.. pero sige, bahala ka.. isipin mo gusto mo isipin..”
3. They generally turn things around on you, when they are the wrongdoers. It’s my belief that, subconsciously or not, cheaters are always searching for justification for their actions. Even if it’s just in their heads, they are looking for reasons that it’s okay that they’ve done something so wrong, and that usually manifests itself as this kind of behavior.
* ”ayaw na kita saktan.. pero bakit ako nahihirapan.. hindi ko dapat maramdaman to eh..”
* ”nasan na yung joy na kilala ko? Someone who wouldn’t take sh*t from anyone! Wala na yun eh.. yun yung nagustuhan ko sayo.. pero nasan na?”
* “wala naman kulang sayo.. ginawa mo naman lahat eh.. binigay mo naman lahat.. kaya lang di ko na msauklian..”
* “pinapakinggan mo lang kasi yung mga gusto mo marinig.. pero hindi mo pinapakinggan yung mga sinasabi ko..”
* “tingin mo ba maghahanap ako ng iba kung Masaya pa ko sayo?”
* “wag ka magmakaawa.. kasi gusto ko maramdaman na pwede ka mawala sakin..”
4. They stop hurting and stop caring, and all of a sudden, the major issues you had in the past seem to be irrelevant. It’s when people stop fighting that you really have to worry– because it means that the relationship doesn’t mean anything to them anymore.
* ”tama na beh.. kasi kahit anung gawin mo.. eto na tayo eh.. wala na mababago.. kasi ako mismo sumuko na.. kasi ako mismo ayoko na..”