When I met my kid’s father, i don’t have a social life. He would always tell me I wouldn’t get anything from going online checking my Friendster account. I stopped taking and sharing pictures, I stopped writing entries for my blogs. All the things I love doing were literally taken away from me. Of course, just to avoid confrontations ending with me bruised and all, I just let him control me. he even asked me to stop seeing my friends, even talking or texting them.
When I was with jolo, it’s somewhat different. He never asked me to do all those. I did it on my own ‘free will’. Corny as it may seem, but it’s true. Maybe because I just wanted to focus on just him and my son. As what he always say, “si mama ang priority ko.. tulad mo, si gabu ang priority mo. Tayong dalawa.. second lang sa lists natin pareho..”
And that’s where I think I made a mistake. I lost contacts with my friends. it was always me and him. Me, him and his friends. me, him and my family or his family.. me, my son and him. i would only see my friends ‘accidentally’ like once in 2010 when we saw keith, marvin and hazel in a coffee shop, and twice in 2012: when we saw keith and marvin in the mall when we’re about to go home.. keith and marvin in a restaurant when we’re supposed to eat.. then I got to see the rest of my college friends last December 2013 for the gown fitting for ate jo’s wedding that same month.
When jolo broke up with me, I have no one to confide to. I was broken.. it was like everything was shattered. Everything was gone. I know I still have my mom and my family, but I can’t let them know. I can’t tell them jolo broke up with me and I was devastated. I can’t tell them that jolo cheated on me and that they’ve been together for quite sometime now. So when I saw my homepage in his phone, I knew he was checking on my facebook account. So I’ve posted statuses about him and what he did. Just so he knew how deeply hurt I am. So that he knows how I deal with the pain he caused me.
My friends from work commented on my posts. I know they meant well. But I know they can’t understand what I’m going through then. I know they wouldn’t understand because they don’t know me that well. but i really appreciate the effort and the understanding and all those kind soothing words to ease the pain.
When keith and ate jo sent me a message, I wanted to cry. They were like my best best friends ever. I wanted to cry since we lost communication for quite a while and here they are now, telling me consoling words at my lowest point in life.
The last time I saw jolo, on our way to glorietta he told me “bakit nga ba kita ihahatid eh mas gusto mo naman kasama mga kaibigan mo kesa sakin..”
I wanted to shout at him and tell him alam naman nya yung reason why I have to choose keith over him. kasi keith was there and was the one who helped me get through was jolo has done. Keith was there and never left me.. something I thought jolo would do. Akala ko kasi si jolo yung hindi ako iiwan. Akala he’d be the one who’ll catch me everytime.
You were everything I wanted
But I just can’t finish what I’ve started
There’s no room left here on my back
It was damaged long ago
Though you swear that you are true
I still pick my friends over you