Turn your back on your partner in bed? Good news! That means you have an intimate relationship… What YOUR sleeping habits say about your love life
· 80% of Britons are too tired to kiss their partner goodnight at bedtime
90% do not say ‘I love you’ before drifting to sleep
46% turn their back on their partners as soon as they get in to bed
But it is sleeping positions that really reveal what is going on in relationships
By Toni Jones
Published: 06:17 EST, 12 October 2012 | Updated: 09:38 EST, 12 October 2012
What happens in your bedroom when the lights go out? If a new survey is to be believed, the answer is not much.
As a nation we are becoming a loveless lot, turning our backs on our partners as soon as we settle down, not bothering to kiss each other good night or say I love you and in 25 per cent of cases hoping that our partners don’t even touch us as we try and drift to sleep.
But despite our efforts to ward off intimacy as we are trying to fall asleep, psychologists say it is the positions we take up when actually deep in sleep that reveal how we really feel about each other.
The positions we sleep in can say a lot about our relationships: The Liberty – back to back but not touching – shows a couple feels connected whilst independent enough to sleep separately
During sleep, you cannot fake your body language, this is the time when you are honest and vulnerable and your sleeping position can therefore reveal a lot about your relationship.
Relationship psychologist Corrine Sweet and the Travelodge hotel group have investigated what Britons’ sleeping positions say about their relationship.
Sweet said: ‘Couples fall into habitual ways of sleeping together that suits their personalities and personal preferences.
‘These are negotiated at the outset, so if something changes in how they sleep together, this can reflect a change in their relationship and cause concern for the other partner.’
The Cherish – back to back but touching – means a couple are comfortable, intimate and relaxed with each other
Spoons – male with the female on the inside – this is a traditional position in which the male takes the lead and protects his lover
Pillow Talk – face to face – this position represents an intimate need for one-to-one contact and conversation in bed
Lovers Knot or Lovers – face to face with legs intertwined – if couples separate after 10 minutes it demonstrates a loving independence, if legs intertwined all night it means you cannot bear to be separated
She added: ‘Individual psychological states also affect how we sleep and the positions we sleep in, so if we are stressed we may be irritable, and not want to snuggle up with our partner. Arguments often lead to sleeping wide apart, as people feel loathe to touch.’
‘Inevitably, once the first flush of lust wears off, with couples naked and entwined, it is more likely that the need for a good night’s sleep predominates, so sleeping back to back becomes a favourable position in bed.’
The research highlighted a new trend for sleeping apart. Nowadays one in 10 couples admits to sleeping separately from their partner in the quest for a good night’s sleep. Alarmingly a quarter of couples in their sexual prime age (35 and above) are considering sleeping in separate beds.
Couples not in favour of having their own bed are still vying for more space between the sheets with more than half now opting for a King Size bed and over a quarter considering an upgrade from their standard double.
THE MOST POPULAR SLEEPING POSITIONS AND WHAT THEY MEAN
LIBERTY: Back to back but not touching (28%)
This couple feel connected whilst independent enough to sleep separately. They are used to each other and accept each other’s sleeping habits.
CHERISH: Back to back but touching (18%)
This couple are comfortable, intimate and relaxed with each other. A popular position in a new relationship.
SPOONS (MALE): Male spoons with the female on the inside (13%)
This is a traditional position, in which the male takes the lead and protects his lover. Couples sleep side-by-side each curled up with each other in the fetal position. Traditional spooning is the most common position adopted by couples during the first few years of their relationship or marriage. It shows both a strong sexuality and feeling of security in the relationship
PILLOW TALK: Face to face (7%)
This position represents an intimate need for one-to-one contact and conversation in bed.
LOVERS KNOT: Face to face, legs intertwined for 10 minutes then couples separate to sleep (8%)
This position demonstrates a loving independence, it’s a sign of intimacy, love and sexual activity – even though the couple separate and sleep apart.
SPOONS (FEMALE): Spoons with the female on the outside (5%)
In this position the female takes the lead and protects her man while he is sleeping.
THE LOVERS: Face to face with legs intertwined all night (4%)
This is love’s young dream position where you cannot bear to be separated as each moment together counts. A position for the born romantics.
THE ROMANTIC: Woman lying with head and arm on man’s chest (1%)
This is the popular Hollywood movie bed scene position. An intimate pose much favored in a new relationship or after love making. It represents new / rekindled love.
SUPERWOMAN: Woman lying in star fish position with man hanging off the bed (1%)
The woman rules the bed in this position, she likes her space and the man takes a secondary role and lets her take it.
SUPERMAN: Man lying in star fish position with woman hanging off the bed (1%)
In this position the male is king of the bed, he likes to have his way and the female is happy to oblige.
The sleep behavior report also found that one in four couples constantly argues in bed because they are kept awake by their partners sleeping habits.
The survey also revealed that more than half of people questioned said they felt their sex life was better if they ‘cuddled-up’ more. More men at 67% responded that their sex life was better if they cuddled more during the night. 34% of men said that it annoyed them if their partner did not cuddle them in bed in comparison to 26% of women.
Experts have stated longevity of a marriage is enhanced when couples fall asleep and wake up at the same time. Couples who go to sleep together and get up at the same time are content in their relationship.
Over half of adults can tell if their partner is cheating on them by the way they sleep. Nearly two thirds of women are more vigilant under the duvet and can detect if their other half is playing away by his bedroom antics. Nearly one in 10 men have made the cardinal sin and called their wife or girlfriend the wrong name in bed.
Spoons – with the female on the outside – in this position the female takes the lead and protects her man while he is sleeping
The Romantic – woman lying with head and arm on man’s chest – this is the popular Hollywood movie bed scene position. An intimate pose much favoured in a new relationship or after love making
Superwoman – woman lying in star fish position with man hanging off the bed – the woman rules the bed in this position, she likes her space and the man takes a secondary role and lets her take it
Superman – man lying in star fish position with woman hanging off the bed – in this position the male is king of the bed, he likes to have his way and the female is happy to oblige
AND WHAT ABOUT THOSE THAT SLEEP ALONE?
Symbolically curled positions in sleep mean ‘I want to trust others and feel safe’.
Bodies stretched out in sleep mean ‘I want to take charge and experience adventure’.
Hands curled inwards mean “I want to cuddle and connect’.
Hands wrapped around a pillow can indicate a cuddly nature. If hands and/or arms are held, or pressed tightly, or straight down at the sides it means ‘I want to be alone’.
Sleeping on your stomach temporarily typically shows you are anxious or feel things are out of control and need to protect the vulnerable front of your body.
An individual who always sleeps on his/her stomach but with arms bent and hands up around the head in a crown position is showing she/he is persistent, goal oriented, compulsive and stubborn.