the pros and cons of sleeping with a married (taken) man

Pros:

  • The person is cheating on someone for you, which makes you feel more desirable than being with someone who has nothing to lose by being with you.

  • Married men are likely older men. Older men are better at sex. Like, a lot better.

  • Plus, secret sex is automatically elevated in terms of how turned on you are. There’s always an element of “we shouldn’t be doing this.”

  • There is no pressure in the relationship. You are fun. The relationship is fun. There’s no “where is this going” because it is, by definition, not going anywhere. No other kind of relationship has this “defined from the start” freedom to it.

  • It’s a concrete “fuck you” to the kind of Stepford life everyone is pressuring you to have.

  • You make him feel desirable, which is something you lose after being in a relationship for a long time, so it’s fun to make someone really happy.

  • They will compliment the shit out of you because you’re a novelty to them. You have all the things that seem awesome to them, only because they’ve forgotten what it’s like to be young and single.

  • Their male friends will love you, which is both creepy and fun.

Cons:

  • If people found out, some of them will hate you for it.

  • The title sucks. “Other woman” versus [implied regular] “woman” means that you are the beta version to someone else’s alpha. Which is true, and unflattering. I don’t want to be second to anyone.

  • You have to schedule around their “real” life.

  • It’s somewhat depressing to meet someone who seems really cool and relatable and then they are like “my wife hasn’t given me a blow job in two years” because that’s your future. The wife loves him, I’m sure she’s not an evil monster, but how does that happen? Am I really that much different that I won’t fall into whatever sleep she has? It’s a glimpse into what your future could be like, and it is not good.

  • Invariably, their loyalty is to their wife/family so you aren’t even on the top tier of things they care about. Which doesn’t feel great.

  • Sincerely feel bad for the wife. I’m not out to ruin anyone’s life. I didn’t solicit the situation and I don’t feel it’s my karma to deal with since I’m perfectly single, but she ever finds out and cares a lot, I’m going to have a giant “look at my life, look at my choices” moment

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