And i did, unexpectedly.

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I’m not saying this just because i want to get even.. But there came a point in my life in 2012, before i’ve decided na makipagbalikan sa kanya..  i asked my self “why are we still together? Hindi na ko masaya.. If makikipagbalikan ba ko, anu assurance na magiging masaya ulit ako? Lolokohin ba nya ulit ako? Kasi it would be the 3rd time na if ever.. Kung hindi ba nag-work yubg second chance, mgwwork ung third chance?  Magbabago ba sya..?”

So when he told me “hindi n b pwede magbago ang tao? porket niloko kita noon, niloko kta kahapon, ibig sbhin b lolokohin ulit kta bukas? Gusto ko magbago.. I want you to be there pag nagbago na ko.. Gusto ko sabay tyo mgiimprove..  Nag-promise ka na hindi mo q ppbyaan dba? Nagpromise ka na tutulungan mo q hndi matulad s daddy ko.. ”
Wala ako nagawa.. I just hugged him.. And told him ‘mahal kita.. Sobra.. Ms mahalaga ka kesa sa nararamdaman ko.. Pgtutulungan ntin n hndi ka matulad s dad mo. Sasamahan kta mgbago.. Dont do it for me, but do it for your self. Make your mom proud. Hindi lang ako..’

Bakit ganun.. When you asked me not to leave you, i did. Sabi mo nagpromise ako? Hindi namab kita iniwan ah. Kahit hindi na ko masaya. It’s not just about the intimate times n nwala kya ako hindi masaya.. But i felt it nun times n nagbago kna.. After july of 2012 nun nahuli ko kayo mgktxt ng ex mo, pinalampas ko yun.. Hindi na tayo nag-away after nun.. Minsan naicp q.. Dpat b nag-away tyo pra hindi tyo nagkagnito? O dpat b nag-away mn lng tyo kht konti pra ms mdali tanggapin n kelangn n ntin mghiwalay? Sinumbatan mo q nun d q mkalimutan n nkkpgcommunicate kpa s ex mo.. Pero pra ikw p yung mghanap ng iba.. At ssbhin mo sakn n kasi hindi kna msaya sakin.. Ikw lng b hndi msaya?

I’m not beautiful as compared to your exes. Aq n nga yta pnkpanget. Pero alam mo lahat ng tungkol s mga nagttext sakin & tumatawg. I didnt tell you all of those things pra pgselosin ka. I just want u 2 b aware kasi ayoko isipin mo n naglilihin aq syo.. Ikaw p nga sumasagot ng calls dti nun makulit n officemate q dba. I just want u to trust me n wla aq ggwin that will ruis everything we have (then).
Kya nga super devastated aq when i found out you were seeing someone else when we were still together. Officemate mo? K-team mo? Ayoko maniwala when they told me they saw you with her (or with them). That’s why they have to send me pictures pa as proof n you were cheatibg on me. Ansakit. Ilan beses kita pinatawad. Ilan beses kta tinanggap. Ilan beses q i icp n kht hndi n q msaya, kht nagmmukha aq tanga.. Ms importante ka kesa sa nararamdaman ko. Sbi q nature n kc ng lalake ang mambabae, ang mgloko. I just never thought aq p iiwan mo after all of those things that happened.

“i love you, but i’m no longee in love with you. ”
For you to tell me that.. Anu ngyri? Mern b q gnwa? O hndi gnwa? Mern b q cnbi? O hndi cnbi?”

“alam ko kasi na kahit anu gwin q, tatabggapin mo prin aq.. Pero wg ka mgmakaawa.. Gusto ko naman m-feel n pwede ka mawala!”

“mahal kita. Mas mahal kita kesa s knya. Pero hindi n q msaya.. Pero bkt  q nraramdaman to? Hindi dpat gnito eh.. Hindi aq dapat nasasaktan.. Pero wla aq magwa! ”

” ganito n ko eh.. Gusto q laging my bago. Natutuwa aq knowing n kht gnito aq, nttanggal nla aq & nagugustuhan nla q.. ”

” alam q ddting un time n mghhnap ulit aq ng bago. Dba cnbi q nman syo noon n hanggang 3yrs lng taning q s relationships q? ”
Kya b on the 1st month aftr our 3rd anniversary.. Cnbi mo sakn n aq n tlga ppkasalan mo? You even asked me to use your last name s mga social media accounts q. Sbi mo pg kinasal tayo gs2 mo simple lng. Beach or garden. Tpos family and very. Close friends lng. U even want us to name our daughter ‘isabel’ or ‘isabela’ after your mom’s name. Pero nun nkpgbreak ka sakn, anu lng cnbi mo ‘sorry.. Kc un dreams mo, comment n lng pra sakin.’
Did i even ask u to promise me anything? I never mentioned about weddings. Sbi mo p last may, hindi mo nkkta srili mo n knakasal sakin or kht knino. Kla mo b ikw lng? U can ask my close friends and officemates.. Pero matagal q n naicp yn. Pero never ko gnwang mkpghwalay syo. Kc nanghhinayang aq s pnagsamahan ntin.. S friendship. Hindi q mgwang itapon lahat un..

Inunahan mo lang pala ako.. Have you done me a favor? Baka nga.. Kasi ako hindi ko magawang iwan ka.