10 Things My Second Heartbreak Taught Me About Love (an excerpt)

source: http://elitedaily.com/dating/ten-things-learned-second-love/681572/

I never thought I would ever have to write about my second love. I had always hoped that after my first love and I ended things, I would meet someone new and everything would fall into place and he would be the one for me.
Instead, here I am, two years later, picking up the pieces of another lost love and another chapter that I had to finally close.
After my first love and I broke up, I thought it was the end of the world and I did not ever expect to fall in love ever again — or at least not for a while.
My second love — we’ll call him Bryan — and I met in college. I was finally over my last breakup and was starting to date again, but still wasn’t sure if I was ready to head back into a relationship.
I told my roommates that I didn’t want a relationship, but four hours later, Bryan walked into a party and changed my mind.
They say when you aren’t expecting it is when it will come into your life, which is what happened with Bryan and me. He taught me things that I didn’t expect to learn. With him, I was independent and I was in control of my life.
Two years later we ended. I never said goodbye. I never got that great ending I had hoped for us, and instead got silence.
Even though he didn’t end up being the guy he was in the beginning, he did teach me a lot of things that I don’t think my first love ever could have and for that, I am grateful. Here are 10 of them:
You can love again:
Even though I thought I would never love again or ever feel feelings for someone after my first love, I did. Bryan opened my eyes to that and I know that I will someday find my next love.
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Being vulnerable isn’t as bad as it seems:
He brought out emotions in me that I didn’t want to share with anyone. As hard as it was to open up to someone, doing so taught me a lot about myself.
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Someone will love you for all of your flaws:
Bryan taught me that I can find someone who will love me in spite of and for my flaws.
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Communicate:
Though many women believe that guys can read our minds and pick up on our hints, they don’t. Some might, but most likely, you just need to communicate. Someone who loves you will care enough to listen and communicate back.
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Understand someone’s needs:
Each person has his or her own needs. Recognize this and make the changes to make him or her as comfortable as you want him or her to make you.
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Enjoy every minute you have with someone:
We all spend way too much time planning the next step rather than living in the moment with a person. You never know when a person may no longer be around. Since we’re all ultimately only left with memories, create as many special ones as you can.
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That it is okay to love:
My biggest fear was to love and not be loved in return. I realized if I never shared my love, I never would the way I did, which was magical.
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Boys are stupid:
They make huge mistakes and sometimes they don’t even realize it. Call them out on it and if nothing changes, know that you deserve better.
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It is okay to walk away from less than you deserve:
Never settle. If you are not being treated the way want and need and deserve, walk away. While this is absolutely easier said than done, trust me that you are worth it.
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Always be yourself:
Don’t ever change to please someone else. Sometimes, we change to please someone or to fit a certain mold. Being yourself is the most beautiful ways you can be. Figure out who you are and how to make yourself happy before looking to someone else to do those things.

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