You must know about me by now.
Don’t worry; he didn’t love me any more than he loved you. For some time I tried to convince myself otherwise, like maybe if my body was a palace and yours was a dark alley it would make sense for him to leave yours without really leaving, and to sleep in mine without paying rent.
Sometimes I felt like I was doing you a favor, like maybe even in the moral blackness of letting him rip someone else’s heart from someone else’s body, I would still be noble.
Mostly, I was just convinced that someday soon he would choose just one of us, and that person would be me.
I know I owe you more than an excuse, but let me finish. I spent so much time insisting that you and I were in competition. Every quality of yours I overheard through the grapevine put me on the defense.
I needed to be the opposite of what you were. Others said you were crazy; I could force calm. They said you were too cute; I could roughen myself around the edges.
I let opinions draw a caricature of you, and likewise, I let my fear of losing him draw my own. But now I see that we were both the same: both scared, both vulnerable and both holding out for someone who could never fully commit.
I was wrong for not realizing that sooner. I know now that the way he treated both of us had little to do with how we stacked up against each other.
The other night, my friend overheard him say at a party that his girlfriend made him angry and he needed to cheat to get her back.
It wasn’t because his current girlfriend isn’t pretty enough or because the other girl is the one he really wants. To him, affection is a currency for which every woman in his life must ceaselessly prove her worth.
Though he would have crushed your heart regardless, I’m ashamed that I rationalized something so selfish on his part so that I could act so selfishly on mine.
As ashamed as I am for what I did, I’m even more ashamed of myself for the things I didn’t do, like think about your feelings. I didn’t stop chasing, I didn’t stop him from pitting us against each other and I didn’t look inside myself, even for a second, to find some compassion for you or some love for myself.
I thought that I was above this sort of thing. Never would I have imagined myself the sort of person who would get so wrapped up in a quest to win somebody who wasn’t mine — and from under the nose of someone like you, who didn’t deserve it.
Though it’s been a while now, I still wonder how I sank to such a low place. Why do situations like these drive women like you and me away from each other? Why does it take so much time for us to realize that we are both casualties of the same self-serving cruelty?
I know I still have my own mistakes to answer for, but if I could do it all again, I would have gotten to know you. Then when he came charging into my arms after your fights, insisting it was me he really wanted, I could toss him back into yours.
Then maybe we would never have to experience this mutual bitterness and shame. Maybe this story could end differently. Maybe this story could become one where we both nod knowingly and walk away knowing, or even just hoping, that we are worth more than he would ever see.
The Regretful Other Woman
This is the song I used to sing whenever I’m taking a shower.. it only stopped when I met him. and I don’t know why. After we broke up.. and learning about the reason why we broke up.. I just don’t know but it seems like.. this could be his song when we were still together..
How can I tell her about you (Lobo)
She knows when I’m lonesome, she cried when I’m sad
She’s up in the good times, she’s down in the bad
Whenever I’m discouraged, she knows just what to do
But girl, she doesn’t know about you
I can tell her my troubles, she makes them all seem right
I can make up excuses not to hold her at night
We can talk of tomorrow, I’ll tell her things that I want to do
But girl, how can I tell her about you?
How can I tell her about you? Girl, please tell me what to do
Everything seems right whenever I’m with you
So girl, won’t you tell me how to tell her about you?
How can I tell her I don’t miss her whenever I’m away
How can I say it’s you and I think of every single night and day
But when is it easy telling someone we’re through
Ah girl, help me tell her about you
The person is cheating on someone for you, which makes you feel more desirable than being with someone who has nothing to lose by being with you.
Married men are likely older men. Older men are better at sex. Like, a lot better.
Plus, secret sex is automatically elevated in terms of how turned on you are. There’s always an element of “we shouldn’t be doing this.”
There is no pressure in the relationship. You are fun. The relationship is fun. There’s no “where is this going” because it is, by definition, not going anywhere. No other kind of relationship has this “defined from the start” freedom to it.
It’s a concrete “fuck you” to the kind of Stepford life everyone is pressuring you to have.
You make him feel desirable, which is something you lose after being in a relationship for a long time, so it’s fun to make someone really happy.
They will compliment the shit out of you because you’re a novelty to them. You have all the things that seem awesome to them, only because they’ve forgotten what it’s like to be young and single.
Their male friends will love you, which is both creepy and fun.
If people found out, some of them will hate you for it.
The title sucks. “Other woman” versus [implied regular] “woman” means that you are the beta version to someone else’s alpha. Which is true, and unflattering. I don’t want to be second to anyone.
You have to schedule around their “real” life.
It’s somewhat depressing to meet someone who seems really cool and relatable and then they are like “my wife hasn’t given me a blow job in two years” because that’s your future. The wife loves him, I’m sure she’s not an evil monster, but how does that happen? Am I really that much different that I won’t fall into whatever sleep she has? It’s a glimpse into what your future could be like, and it is not good.
Invariably, their loyalty is to their wife/family so you aren’t even on the top tier of things they care about. Which doesn’t feel great.
Sincerely feel bad for the wife. I’m not out to ruin anyone’s life. I didn’t solicit the situation and I don’t feel it’s my karma to deal with since I’m perfectly single, but she ever finds out and cares a lot, I’m going to have a giant “look at my life, look at my choices” moment
True love is very rare to find these days as most of the relationships last for not more than a year or so. Reason for most of the break ups these days is cheating of one of the partner. Every relation face ups and down and during that phase it is natural to have a liking for someone else who supports us during those difficult times but that does not mean that the relationship is losing its fire. Many of us get carried away at those times and lose our true love because of our stupidity. This article will depict the top ten reasons that arouse in us the urge to cheat. One should try and avoid these reasons which may incline us to cheat on our partner, so that we do not lose the one meant for us because of our foolishness.
Revenge or we can say “An eye for an eye” is the most common reason what makes us cheat on our other half. If our partner abuse us or keep hurting us every now and then, then obviously we will think of some way of getting back to them. And the most common is cheating on them as it will hurt them the same way, like we have been anguished by them. Also, if the partner is cheating on us, then a feeling of revenge is likely to arouse in us which will make us cheat on them. It is basically the punishment which we want to give them for all that which we have suffered which makes us screw our relationship.
Sometimes, just for the sake of some excitement, we cheat on our partner. We like creating thrill moments in our life such as risking getting caught, running around secretly and many more other situations that are included in a forbidden romance. It is the thrill of cheating that we want to enjoy which makes us deceit our partner. We start lying to our partner, go out on dates with the other person without telling our partner and sometimes we even get intimate with that someone else. But, we do not even consider it cheating on our partner. According to us, it is only for enjoyment purpose, which is actually cheating on our partner.
Many a times we are confused whether we actually love our other half or it is just infatuation. This may also lead to cheating as we are not sure of our relationship with the other person. As it is said, we realize the importance of something, when it is lost. Same goes with relationships, as we realize how much importance our partner holds in our life when he or she is gone. Confusion can be in the form of doubt also. Doubting that our partner is having another affair makes us helpless and may lead to cheating on our partner. Thus, confusion also serves a reason which has the capability to destroy our relationship.
Another common reason that leads to cheating is boredom in relationship. The spark that is at the starting of relationship, starts diminishing gradually and we start taking our partner for granted. Usually when a relationship starts, then we frequently go out on dates, have late night talks, exchange gifts and do a lot more things to make the other person feel special and to express our feelings. But as time passes by, it becomes tough to keep that edge. Things that have started in a grand way, starts to level off and at that instant when we meet someone else, that inaugural exhilaration of a new relationship springs back in which influence us to cheat.
Most of the relationships fail or force us to cheat on our partner, due to emotional dissatisfaction from the other person. The soul support that carries on a relationship is how two people are attached emotionally, how much they understand each other and most importantly how much they support each other. If the other person does not understands us appreciates us and is not there for us when we need him or her the most, then it tends to detach us from him or her. Emotional needs include only valuing the other person and if our partner is not able to fulfill it, we happen to cheat on our partner for the one who looks up to us, compliment or praises us and with whom we feel worthy.
LACK OF ATTENTION
Giving time to our partner is very essential if we want our relationship to be long term. When the other person is always busy and is not able to spend enough time or is mistreating us, then we want to get away from her or him. But sometimes, due to the abusive and extra possessive nature, we are not able to and thus we feel trapped in an abusive and bad relationship. At that point, it is natural that we will run to someone who treats us well and cares for us. This is how, mistreatment of our partner incline us to cheat on him or her.
LACK OF INTIMACY
Intimate moments that we share with our partner are an integral part of a relationship. Lack of intimacy and fun in a relationship has the tendency to make us cheaters. Kissing, cuddling and sex plays an important part to keep our partner attracted towards us. But many a times due to extra work load or problems that we face in our life every now and then, vanishes the intimacy between partners. As a result, we are bound to cheat on our partner in order to feel wanted. Also, many people cheat to experiment sexually with other people as it makes them feel sexually powerful and proficient than others.
Sometimes we just fall out of love in a relationship. When we do not want to hurt our partner as he or she is seriously involved with us, we usually cheat intentionally. It is like a planned exit strategy to make it easy for our partner to overcome the grief and all the memories of the relationship. It is basically showing the other person that we are not the right one for them so that the other person breaks up with us. Though it is not right, but many a times we tend to do this to end a relation without making the other person know that we do not love him or her anymore as it would hurt them more than cheating.
CONFORMATION OF ATTRACTIVENESS
We also may cheat in certain cases, just to confirm our attractiveness. When we have been in a relationship for many years, it is significant that our partner will not compliment us that often. It may make us wonder whether we are still attractive or not. So, just to confirm it or to boost up the self esteem we start having another affair. This will obviously prove that we have the ability to attract a new person, but it will end our relationship with the one who loves us a lot.
BECAUSE OUR PARTNER LET US CHEAT
Once a cheater, is always a cheater. It is the most common and true saying for all the people who cheats in a relationship. When our partner forgives us for cheating on him or her once, he or she is losing respect in our eyes and then we continue to cheat because we know that the other person will eventually take us back and we will thus get away with our cheating. Forgiving a cheater is like putting up with it which starts a vicious cycle. So, it gets in the mind of people that when the other person is letting us cheat then why miss a chance which thence leads to cheating.