A friend of mine is a single mother to an adorable 3 year old boy. She had been dating a guy – let’s call him Jim – for about a month and he hadn’t met her son yet. To prove that he was completely cool with her having a kid, Jim shows up one Saturday afternoon, completely unannounced, with a huge teddy bear for the confused toddler. This adorable little boy looked up at his mother and said, “Mommy… Who is this?” To which my friend responded, “Baby, this is Mommy’s friend Jim. And he was just leaving.”
Now I’m sure that he is a really nice guy. He just doesn’t understand the ins and outs of dating a woman with a child. So to all of the Jim’s out there, here is some advice:
1) You do not decide when it’s time to meet the kids. Single mothers protect their children from guys they just started dating and you should respect that. If your relationship fizzles out a month from now, no mother wants their child saying, “Mommy, where’s your friend Jim? I miss him.” A mom won’t introduce you to her child until she’s certain it will last a while.
2) Respect the rules. All moms have rules, for their children and their boyfriends. Even after a man has met your child, there are lots of rules. My number one rule as a single mother: No sleeping over! Even when my daughter was too young to realize what was going on, no sleeping over. A man who whines about these rules will be shown the door, permanently.
3) Don’t bring a gift every time you come over. This may seem like an odd request, but how many teddy bears do you think a child needs? And you are not Santa! My child should not associate your arrival with presents.
4) Understand, you are not the most important part of your girlfriend’s life. She has prior commitments. No matter how great the relationship is going, you can’t monopolize all of your momma’s time. She has things to take care of. (By things, I mean the beautiful child that she loves more than you. Yes… she loves her baby more than you! Deal with it!)
5) Kill the P.D.A. You might think it’s sweet and flirtatious. Moms think it’s completely inappropriate, especially if their children might see you. A hug good bye is fine. Any more than that, she might slap your hands like you’re a toddler. And you’ll deserve it.
6) Grow up, just a little. We realize you’re still single and having fun. That’s great! But most ladies don’t want a phone call at 3:00am when you’re leaving the bar. The kids went to bed seven hours ago and she’s been asleep since 11pm. Glad you’re having a great night. Tell her about it tomorrow.
7) Respect the Ex. In a perfect break-up, no one ever sees their ex again. When you have children, you see your ex once or twice a week. No matter how much a new boyfriend hates the baby’s daddy, Shut up Jim! This is the father of her child. If you want to have a future with her, you’re going to have to learn to deal with him.
8 ) Have fun! You’re in a great place. You get to be the silly, fun and entertaining one. You don’t have to discipline or change any diapers or argue over nap time. Enjoy it! Because kids are wildly entertaining and will play any game you can make up. A couple hours of hide and seek, and they’ll love you more than a million teddy bears.
Do you really accept my son?
Coz you said you love him as your own.
You said you want to be the father he never had.
But your actions said otherwise.
2011. someone was using the bathroom at home (batangas). Gabu needs to pee. After he found out that the door was locked, he immediately went to the front door in the living room, peed, then I heard you shouting “gabu!” when I came to where you’re at, you told me “anu bay an beh.. hindi ba tinuturuan si gabu.. parang aso!” perhaps you only mean well.. I know it isn’t right for him to get used to it. Wala lang choice yung bata. Isa lang cr sa bahay namin, nagkataon lang na meron gumagamit. And besides.. aso? You know gabu has developmental issues right?
2012. gabu needs to be evaluated by a developmental pedia. I told you I have to bring him here in manila either I look for a nanny, or I have to tag my mom along. Since we live together, kala ko automatic ibig sabihin satin sila titira for the mean time. You told me “beh kung ditto titira si gabu.. sino magaalaga sa kanya? Mahirap mghanap ng yaya. Kung tyong dalawa lang, mahirap kasi yung schedule natin panggabi tyo pareho. Kung iiwan natin yung yaya sa bahay pag gabi, beh andami natin gamit.. alam mo naman na makalat ako. And mahihirapan tyo kasi halos wala tayo tulog nun..” so on and so forth. Wait. Ako lang ba nag-isip na ayaw mo na kasama natin sa bahay si gabu?
Scenario 3 .
May 2014. It was already passed 1 in the afternoon and we’re about to have our lunch at home (batangas). My mom cooked sinigang. We had our breakfast before 9. Gabu is used to eat every 2 hours. While I was still preparing the plates and all, you saw gabu taking a string of kangkong from the bowl. I heard you raise your voice “gabu wag..! … gabu! Hindi ka masabihan ha! Para kang patay gutom!”
I remember this one time when I heard my mom and dad arguing, almost whispering to each other, trying to hold down their voices because you might hear them. My dad saw you nun pinalo mo si gabu. I don’t know what happened why you did that. Kaya lang samin kasi as much as possible hindipagbubuhatan ng kamay yun bata kasi nga he’s special, he’s different from normal kids of his age and that they should be disciplined in a different way. I thought you, of all people, understand. You should understand. You should’ve understood his situation.
And yes, I appreciate the fact that you include gabu in our plans. When we’re looking for a condo unit, you keep on saying “etong room na to para kay mama.. eto para kay gabu, and sa magiging anak natin. Tapos eto para sating dalawa..”. when you were checking out new cars, you keep on saying “maliit na yung vios para satin. Si mama, ako, ikaw, si gabu, si tita beth.. we need a bigger one.” Pero after we broke up, you told me “I want to be there for gabu.. kasi kay gabu wala ako obligasyon.. dumating man ako o hinde, ok lang..”
no. i don’t know anyone by that name. hehehehe..
it was my birthday last monday. yes, some of my friends greeted me via Facebook. some did send me text messages. if not for Facebook, will they know that it was indeed my birthday?
I know keith would. since we were once the best of friends during college years. i’m sure mike and van would definitely remember it. my cousins, and other relatives, yes. don’t get me wrong. i appreciated the effort coming from my facebook friends (classmates, and acquaintaces). with my office friends, it was only alvin who greeted me the next day. he announced it to the team, so others greeted me as well. i didnt expect nga na he’ll remember it. but with my other office friends, those whom i thought know me too well.. well.. so much for me keeping tab on their birthdays. sbi nga, it’s better to give than to receive 😉
i’ve applied for the Admin Assistant post in February 2013. i was excited, to say the least. especially since i believed i am qualified for the said post. well, who would want to apply if they didn’t believe they’re qualified, right? anyway.. so i’ve submitted my CV and all that, making sure my previous job of the same title was highlighted. it’s been 2 days after i’ve sent my application when we had our town hall meeting. i haven’t got any reply yet from the recruitment then. then our AVP announced that we are on moratorium for 6 months so we cannot transfer jobs/functions. i was upset. because it limits my chance of having a new work envinroment, but still with the same company.
a few days after, we were out in the break room discussing the internal job postings (IJP) that we have applied for, sharing the same sentiment because of the moratorium. there was this person, who used to be an agent at that time, who was sharing info about the posts she’d seen in taleo (carreer website/intranet). She said she had applied for an admin assistant post. basically, a personal secretary to one of the department heads or something of the same level. i asked her who will she be reporting for if she gets hired. she said
“country manager. kelangan nila yung meron experience. eh di ba call center ka lang naman? so hindi ka pwede mag-apply dun kasi qualifications pa lang, hindi ka na qualified.”