Category Archives: excerpt

“we stood there, looking at each other, saying nothing. but it was the kind of nothing that meant everything. in his eyes, there was no trace of what had happened between us earlier and i could feel something inside me break.

so that was that. we were finally over.

i looked at him, and i felt so sad, because this thought occured to me: ‘i will never look at you the same way again. i’ll never be that girl again. the girl who comes running back every time you push her away, the girl who loves you anyway.’

i couldn’t even be mad at him, because this was who he was. this was who he’d always been. he’d never lied about that. he gave and then he took away. i felt it in the pit of my stomach, the familiar ache, that lost, regretful feeling only he could give me. i never wanted to feel it again. never. ever.

maybe this was why i came, so i could really know. so i could say good bye.

i looked at him, and i thought, ‘if i was very brave or very honest, i would tell him.’
i would say it, so he would know it and i could never take it back. but i wasn’t that brave or honest, so all i did was look at him. and i think he knew anyway.

‘I release you. i evict you from my heart. because if i don’t do it now, i never will.’

i was the one to look away first..”

excerpt, Jenny Han’s It’s Not Summer Without You

Jose Micard Teixeira’s (not meryll streep’s)

I no longer have patience for certain things, not because I’ve become arrogant, but simply because I reached a point in my life where I do not want to waste more time with what displeases me or hurts me. I have no patience for cynicism, excessive criticism and demands of any nature. I lost the will to please those who do not like me, to love those who do not love me and to smile at those who do not want to smile at me. I no longer spend a single minute on those who lie or want to manipulate. I decided not to coexist anymore with pretense, hypocrisy, dishonesty and cheap praise. I do not tolerate selective erudition nor academic arrogance. I do not adjust either to popular gossiping. I hate conflict and comparisons. I believe in a world of opposites and that’s why I avoid people with rigid and inflexible personalities. In friendship I dislike the lack of loyalty and betrayal. I do not get along with those who do not know how to give a compliment or a word of encouragement. Exaggerations bore me and I have difficulty accepting those who do not like animals. And on top of everything I have no patience for anyone who does not deserve my patience.

8 Reasons Why A Real Man Would Never Cheat On Someone He Truly Loves

http://elitedaily.com/dating/gentlemen/8-reasons-real-men-dont-cheat/708215/
 
 
So many boys, so few real men.
I’m rather pissed off at all you stupid boys, parading about like actual men. In fact, you recently cost me a potentially promising relationship. Because you’ve managed to cheat on so many women and break their trust, there seem to be very few women left who are willing to trust another man.
I have never before cheated on a woman in my life, nor will I ever do so. Unfortunately, very few women seem to believe me. I’m sure I’m not the only man who has come across a similar problem.
I’m certain that plenty of great guys have had to carry the baggage some other douchebag left behind. When you break a woman’s trust, you will never get it back. I really mean never. Sadly, you’re also ruining it for the next guy.
By cheating on a woman, you are screwing her over for the long run – she’ll likely be unable to trust another man for years to follow. Real men don’t cheat. Here’s why:
Real men are emotionally stable.
We usually hear about women having trouble controlling their emotions. Truth be told, men are much worse. While women have the intelligence to share their feelings and discuss their problems (most of the time), men like to keep it bottled up.
Until, of course, they can’t take it any longer and explode. When something goes wrong in a relationship, women may very well cry, they may complain, they may throw tantrums or give you the silent treatment, but men – weak men – pretend like they feel nothing.
Once their cup flows over, they look for whatever release they can. They drink. They smoke. They f*ck. Unfortunately, since they aren’t on talking terms with their woman, they f*ck whatever they can find. Real men deal with their emotions appropriately.
Real men have enough willpower to keep it in their pants.
I’m sorry to have to tell you this gentlemen, but because you are men you are going to want to sleep with every beautiful woman who crosses your path. Literally, every single one.
If you’re a real man, however, you won’t risk screwing up what you have for a brief few minutes in the sack with a woman you more than likely won’t have chemistry with. If you really want sex that badly then why not sleep with the woman who loves you?
If the sex bores you, then do something to make it more exciting. It takes two to tango – if she won’t bring the whipped cream then it’s up to you to do so.
Real men don’t date women they don’t love or don’t believe they can one day love.
Obviously, we all date people we aren’t yet certain we will fall for — if love at first sight exists, it’s rarely the case. However, many will date someone they don’t especially care about simply for convenience.
Why go out to find tail when you can have it delivered? Real men understand that women aren’t objects and therefore don’t use them simply to satisfy their own needs. When they know they don’t love a woman then they cut things off instead of continuing to lead them on.
Real men are respectful.
They treat people with respect when respect is due… especially when it comes to the women they’re dating. Cheating is lying; it’s breaking trust and it proves that you care little about your partner as a lover, friend and as a human being.
To cheat is to act as if you’re better than she is and the fact is that you aren’t. Break her trust and you will never really get her back. I had to learn this the hard way.
Real men don’t need to add notches to their belts simply to make themselves feel like men.
Real men know that they’re real men. They can feel it with every step they take – and more often than not it shows. It shows in their demeanor and in their actions. Too many “men” these days believe it’s laudable to sleep with as many women as possible – as if it were some sort of game, and women are collectables of sorts.
Women aren’t objects, and this game that you’re playing is called life. If you get caught cheating and the stakes are high enough then you can ruin your life.
Real men would never hurt the woman they love.
To be fair, real men would never hurt any woman, but especially not the woman they understand as being an extension of themselves. Real men love and care for themselves as well as those who are closest to them.
If you are lucky enough to have found a woman to love and are luckier still to have her love you back, then do everything in your power to keep her smiling. There is nothing worse in the world than losing a person you love. Mistakes are mistakes… but they aren’t always forgivable.
Real men know what’s important in life – and it’s not another piece of ass.
Proper men are too busy living the life of their dreams to bother with excess. They are working on attaining all that it is that they want in life, but more importantly still, they understand what it is that they really want.
As men, we often want more than is good for us. Only when we get what we thought we wanted do we come to realize the error of our ways. I will tell you right now that there should only be one woman for you.
That one woman who will love you for your entire life is all that really matters. The rest you won’t even remember.
Real men have the guts to break up with a woman.
If you plan on cheating on her then you clearly don’t want to be with her. Grow a pair and break things off. You’re clearly going to do it sooner or later.
Rip that bandaid off and get it over with. Be a real man and not a quivering coward.
 

A Letter To His Girlfriend, From The Other Woman Who Wishes She Knew Better

http://elitedaily.com/dating/letter-girlfriend-woman/668955/
 
You must know about me by now.
Don’t worry; he didn’t love me any more than he loved you. For some time I tried to convince myself otherwise, like maybe if my body was a palace and yours was a dark alley it would make sense for him to leave yours without really leaving, and to sleep in mine without paying rent.
Sometimes I felt like I was doing you a favor, like maybe even in the moral blackness of letting him rip someone else’s heart from someone else’s body, I would still be noble.
Mostly, I was just convinced that someday soon he would choose just one of us, and that person would be me.
I know I owe you more than an excuse, but let me finish. I spent so much time insisting that you and I were in competition. Every quality of yours I overheard through the grapevine put me on the defense.
I needed to be the opposite of what you were. Others said you were crazy; I could force calm. They said you were too cute; I could roughen myself around the edges.
I let opinions draw a caricature of you, and likewise, I let my fear of losing him draw my own. But now I see that we were both the same: both scared, both vulnerable and both holding out for someone who could never fully commit.
I was wrong for not realizing that sooner. I know now that the way he treated both of us had little to do with how we stacked up against each other.
The other night, my friend overheard him say at a party that his girlfriend made him angry and he needed to cheat to get her back.
It wasn’t because his current girlfriend isn’t pretty enough or because the other girl is the one he really wants. To him, affection is a currency for which every woman in his life must ceaselessly prove her worth.
Though he would have crushed your heart regardless, I’m ashamed that I rationalized something so selfish on his part so that I could act so selfishly on mine.
As ashamed as I am for what I did, I’m even more ashamed of myself for the things I didn’t do, like think about your feelings. I didn’t stop chasing, I didn’t stop him from pitting us against each other and I didn’t look inside myself, even for a second, to find some compassion for you or some love for myself.
I thought that I was above this sort of thing. Never would I have imagined myself the sort of person who would get so wrapped up in a quest to win somebody who wasn’t mine — and from under the nose of someone like you, who didn’t deserve it.
Though it’s been a while now, I still wonder how I sank to such a low place. Why do situations like these drive women like you and me away from each other? Why does it take so much time for us to realize that we are both casualties of the same self-serving cruelty?
I know I still have my own mistakes to answer for, but if I could do it all again, I would have gotten to know you. Then when he came charging into my arms after your fights, insisting it was me he really wanted, I could toss him back into yours.
Then maybe we would never have to experience this mutual bitterness and shame. Maybe this story could end differently. Maybe this story could become one where we both nod knowingly and walk away knowing, or even just hoping, that we are worth more than he would ever see.
Sincerely,
The Regretful Other Woman
 

You May Have Been Hurt And Find It Difficult To Trust But You Will Find Someone Worthy Of It

http://elitedaily.com/dating/every-girl-finds-difficult-trust/689831/

forgivebetrayal2

 

He must have hurt you really badly. I can imagine that things were incredibly painful, as you now fear the world and are blinded to love when it presents itself in its purest form. Maybe it was a guy or two who caused it or it was growing up amidst a troubling family affair.
Whatever reason you have for feeling unable to trust, know that it’s valid and perfectly reasonable.
Heartache can leave a traumatizing mark that’s difficult to forget and can feel nearly impossible to overcome. When you find yourself in a situation that is the slightest bit familiar to how the hurtful past unraveled, it can feel nerve-racking and emotionally chaotic.
That identifiable jolt of surprise you feel when you glance over at his phone or that anger you feel when you ask a question or two brings you back to that moment when you first realized that no man can or should ever be trusted.
Despite how he rationalizes his actions, you have already expected an outcome that justifies your suspicion and negates anything that could disprove your theory.
The situation isn’t what you thought it to be. Your mind drags on, clinging to the idea that you’re bound to get hurt, that he’s doing something behind your back, that you’re replaceable and that there’s someone else.
Well, to every girl who finds it difficult to trust, give your partner the chance to be different.
It’s not a simple task and it definitely won’t be easy, but you must take it upon yourself to trust that your present situation won’t work out the same way as things did before.
When everything brings you fear, learn to live in fear. Distrust becomes your comfort zone and infidelity your truth. Watch out for possible signs to tell yourself that you’re right about this one — that you’re right not to trust him. Wait for him to make a mistake before you have any reason to stay in the comforts of doubt.
People will tell you that it’s not fair to pass the mistakes of another guy onto him. They’ll say that it’s not fair for him to be surrounded by doubt when he’s given nothing short of his best to make you feel loved and secure.
This advice is all true, but the most unjust thing you could do is let yourself suffer again for the mistakes of the man who broke your heart.
A relationship without trust is like an ice cream sundae without a cherry on top… it doesn’t feel complete. It can’t blossom into a beautiful connection if you believe he’s screwing up what both of you have.
When you completely trust the person you’re with, the foundation of the relationship will get stronger.
You’ll feel confident that when faced with a compromising situation, he won’t do anything to jeopardize the sanctity of what you value the most. He’ll appreciate you for believing the good in him.
When you stop fearing the what-ifs of tomorrow and focus on the good things that come today, you’ll realize that the worries that you’ve focused on for so long are ghosts you’ve created that have hindered you from experiencing true happiness.
Trusting someone is a choice you have to make for yourself.
When you trust him, he’ll prove to you that he’s worthy of it. His actions will show you that there was nothing to fear.
But, if in the end he disappoints you and hurts you, just move forward and continue to go through life with optimism about what genuine love and trust can bring. Because trust me, it’s beautiful.
 

Once A Lover, Now A Stranger: Why Love Is The Risk We Should All Be Taking

http://elitedaily.com/dating/lover-now-stranger/698610/

I’ve always found the concept of breaking up with someone to be both unsettling and sad. Whenever I hear of a friend or family member’s relationship coming to an end, I feel somewhat disappointed that another love failed yet again.
Coming from a family where my parents met and fell in love at 15 years old, I grew up believing in the whole “fairy-tale” ending phenomenon. I just didn’t understand how if two people loved each other so much, they could even fathom ending things.
I think this is part of the reason I struggled so much in ending my first long-term relationship. He was more than just a lover; I grew up with him. I had so many firsts with this person, and I went through many hard times with him by my side.
We started dating at 15, the same age as my parents. He was my best friend for four years and I couldn’t imagine life without him, or how I was even happy before we came together.
Before I knew it, everything changed. He made consistent mistakes when it came to our relationship that hurt me over and over again. I started to feel myself not just falling out of love with him, but also craving something new and more fulfilling.
At the same time, the thought of not having him in my life felt both sad and unfamiliar. It also felt unfair: Why did I have to lose him as both my boyfriend and my best friend at the same time? I wished it didn’t have to be that way. I wished the aching hole in my heart would just close up and heal.
It’s amazing to think how quickly people can come in and out of your life; people who used to mean everything can turn into nothing. How are we forced to forget people who once meant the world to us?
When our lives center around someone we love, it doesn’t just stop the minute you break up. When you’re passing by his favorite restaurant or the place in the park where she first told you she loved you; when you realize it’s his birthday or hear her favorite song on the radio, the memories will always linger.
However, these are memories you are forced to forget because you know, and everyone else knows, that you deserve better.
I believe that if you truly love someone, you will always harbor love for that person. It may be a different love than it was when you were together, but something will always be there. Maybe it’s simply just an ache that creeps across your body upon hearing his name.
We will never completely forget about a failed love, but that does not mean you won’t be happy again — you will.
Either way, this concept is inevitable. It’s the human condition to crave love and relationships. Every now and then we meet someone who may end up becoming a big part of our lives, and with this, we run the risk of ending up as strangers.
However, I think it will always be a risk worth taking. With every failed relationship comes a new lesson. They help us learn more about what we like, don’t like and what we are willing to accept.
They help us recognize the pain a broken heart can bring and the growth involved in healing it. They also teach us to appreciate how beautiful and vulnerable love can be, and hopefully, eventually, help us find that person who will make all that pain and uncertainty worth it.

The First Cut Is The Deepest: How We Learn To Process Emotions Through Our Family

http://elitedaily.com/life/culture/fragility-family-inevitability-disappointment/734571/

We are most sensitive to matters close to the heart, and for some, family is as close to the heart as it gets. We grow up with family; our earliest memories are with our family. The foundations of who we are and how we view the world were conceived through our families.
Much like fine china, the appreciation we have for our loved ones causes us to treat them with extreme care, resulting in heightened sensitivity with all matters concerning them because they are fragile, delicate parts of our lives.
Like fine china, we put them away somewhere special: in a cabinet closed off in the depth of our hearts, high on a pedestal where we have permitted zero room for error.
It is a condition that we’ve all have somehow come victim to. We contend that the people closest to us aren’t capable of hurting us; it’s somehow easier to accept. However, we mustn’t forget that, like us, our families are human, flawed and imperfect.
See, for the longest time we needed our families to be our heroes. As kids, they were the ones who could conjure hot delicious meals on stovetops with the mysterious blue flame we were instructed not to touch.
When we were sick they knew of home remedies that seemed like potions that made us feel better (even if we were probably still sick). They even sang us songs passed down from generations that lured us into the most somber of slumbers. To put it quite simply, they were God-like.
Even as we got older their help gradually matured with us. From the miracle that appeared every morning in the form of a conveniently packed lunch, to the timely advice on what to do about that jerk of a boyfriend named Steve; it all gave us a safe haven to dwell in from the chaos of the world.
The parents, the siblings and just about anyone who has made a significant impact on our lives have gripped our hearts with reckless abandon. They were the first people we ever really used the term “love” with. They are family, and family is forever.
But what happens when that reality comes crashing down, when you are betrayed by the ones you confided in the most? The inevitability of our heroes actually not saving the day is a reality that, often, we are unprepared for.
What do you do when mom cheats on dad, and why wasn’t she thinking about how the family would feel, how you would feel? How can trust be reestablished after father hit mom?
How do you forgive a sister who inexplicably decided to abandon her family? Who put drugs and a relationship with her delinquent boyfriend over being an example to her two younger sisters? The answer is time.
We often fail to afford the ones close to us the same grace we extend to others because we feel betrayed; the healing is harder because the cut is deeper. The disappointment is so great, that the only way we cope is to eliminate the relationship altogether.
It’s the Santa Claus effect: We are disappointed when the image we have had of someone for so long is actually just dad leaving out the cookies and mom putting gifts under the tree.
There is no justification for lies, nothing can replace the pain of cheating and no amount of sorrys can wipe away those tears. The only thing you can offer is grace. Like anyone else that you have encountered on any intimate level, you must ultimately forgive.
I have seen individuals shut out their mothers completely from their life, and forgive their backstabbing ex-best friend on multiple occasions. As we get older we should realize that no one ever figures life out; it is a continual learning process that only stops when life stops itself.
The ugly truth is that we will always be human. It is ok to hold family close, but remembering that they make the same mistakes we do can prevent a rift in an important relationship from expectations they should not have been held to in the first place.