You are absolutely right. The prettiest person or most accomplished person has the same highs and lows that everyone else has. You may not think that you are a “standout” to John or Shane, but think about how many people consider you to be a “standout” friend? I sure do. I can have conversations with you that I can’t have with anyone else. And the fact that you didn’t end up with the boys who let you go is a good thing — why constantly chase a supporting role in someone else’s life? I know you can agree with me in wanting to find your equal. And I think this is God’s way of just leading us away from things that aren’t the best possible fit for us.
One thing we were both able to achieve is moving on with grace (and sadness, tears, and probably yelling) but overall grace in how we didn’t let those failed relationships define us. I thank God for putting Gavin in my path – even though he’s leaving and it’s not going to continue – because he taught me that I can connect with people and then simply let them go if the timing isn’t right. And although I was sad as hell when he told me, the next day I immediately felt a little bit empowered that I was able to love and let go. And if that happens 3 or 4 or 8 more times until I find my husband, then I’ll be that much more prepared, am i right?!
Annnnnnd when all else fails, you just watch some Sex and the City episodes to remind yourself that we are babies – infants really – when it comes to having to feel rushed to find a man and settle down. We are so young. And in 3 years we will still be so young. So I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m going to spend whatever time I have between now and my wedding day to get lots of practice in. Practice in learning to be open without completely feeling empty and lost if it doesn’t work out. Practice in learning to connect and build relationships that don’t necessarily have to be romantic or with a “marriage date” in sight, and most of all, practice in learning about who the heck I am and what I want. If we look at it through that lense, we really couldn’t be in better situations. And I feel beyond lucky to have you by my side along the way.
excerpt ba to? i can’t believe you could write something like this! hehehehe.. love you!
Everyone wants to believe in their one true love. They want to believe in love’s true kiss, the chill-you-to-your-bones first look when you fall in love, and the earth-shattering moment you’ve found the person you can’t live without. You want to imagine the day when nothing else matters but the hand you’re holding, the eyes that watch you fall asleep and the smile that wakes you in the morning.
Everyone wants to believe in finding his or her soulmate. The person that fits you so completely, you’re not sure how you survived so long without them. The person that finishes your thought even before you have, and pushes you to reach even higher than your dreams. Everyone wants to wait for the person that fills you with so much joy that you forget what sorrow is. The person that you take the most important walk with – down the aisle.
I am all for this happily ever after. But, I am more for the morning after… And I don’t mean the pill.
I mean the morning after a great night out when your best friend and you spend the day in your pajamas talking about the disasters that occur after midnight. The morning after that turns into an afternoon filled with Tijuana Flats and ice cream… because that’s what weekends are for.
I am all for finding your soulmate. But, maybe you don’t recognize the one that you already have.
My kind of soulmate is the one that takes a spontaneous road trip with you when you’re feeling sad. The kind of person that drives to your house when you’re crying, picks you up, and moves you into theirs for an undetermined stay. The kind of friend that listens to you say the exact same thing a million times over, always with a good set of advice, until one day you’re over it and returning the favor.
My kind of soulmate is someone that remembers your birthday without Facebook, and sends you thoughtful gifts from another continent. The type of person that tells you how it is no matter how brutal because they know it’s best for you. The kind of person that knows all your deepest secrets and tattoos them on their hearts as if it were their own.
My kind of soulmate is the one that makes you laugh until you pee your pants, and continues to laugh when you do. The kind of person that will forgive you because there are too many moments to miss out on by staying mad. The type of friend that will judge everyone else with you, but will never judge you no matter what you could’ve done.
My kind of soulmate is the one that finds a way to make you smile at your darkest. The type of person that tells you when you’re wrong, and builds you up when you’re wrong about yourself. The kind of friend that will take selfies with you at the bar and not give a shit about who’s watching. The kind of person that believes in you even when you don’t believe in yourself.
My kind of soulmate is my best friend, and I’m so thankful to have him. So, take this moment to thank yours. Thank them for the nights that turn into mornings, and for the mornings that turn into nights. Thank them for all the empty wine bottles and the clothes borrowed that you’ll always be missing. Thank them for the memories you’ll never forget and all of the ones to come. Most importantly, thank them for being the one that you can count on when the rest of the world is reading fairytales.
I know I’ll find that knees-weak, heart-racing, smile-you-can’t-avoid kind of love one day. But for now, I already found my soulmate. And they have to approve of Mr. Right, anyway.
When I met my kid’s father, i don’t have a social life. He would always tell me I wouldn’t get anything from going online checking my Friendster account. I stopped taking and sharing pictures, I stopped writing entries for my blogs. All the things I love doing were literally taken away from me. Of course, just to avoid confrontations ending with me bruised and all, I just let him control me. he even asked me to stop seeing my friends, even talking or texting them.
When I was with jolo, it’s somewhat different. He never asked me to do all those. I did it on my own ‘free will’. Corny as it may seem, but it’s true. Maybe because I just wanted to focus on just him and my son. As what he always say, “si mama ang priority ko.. tulad mo, si gabu ang priority mo. Tayong dalawa.. second lang sa lists natin pareho..”
And that’s where I think I made a mistake. I lost contacts with my friends. it was always me and him. Me, him and his friends. me, him and my family or his family.. me, my son and him. i would only see my friends ‘accidentally’ like once in 2010 when we saw keith, marvin and hazel in a coffee shop, and twice in 2012: when we saw keith and marvin in the mall when we’re about to go home.. keith and marvin in a restaurant when we’re supposed to eat.. then I got to see the rest of my college friends last December 2013 for the gown fitting for ate jo’s wedding that same month.
When jolo broke up with me, I have no one to confide to. I was broken.. it was like everything was shattered. Everything was gone. I know I still have my mom and my family, but I can’t let them know. I can’t tell them jolo broke up with me and I was devastated. I can’t tell them that jolo cheated on me and that they’ve been together for quite sometime now. So when I saw my homepage in his phone, I knew he was checking on my facebook account. So I’ve posted statuses about him and what he did. Just so he knew how deeply hurt I am. So that he knows how I deal with the pain he caused me.
My friends from work commented on my posts. I know they meant well. But I know they can’t understand what I’m going through then. I know they wouldn’t understand because they don’t know me that well. but i really appreciate the effort and the understanding and all those kind soothing words to ease the pain.
When keith and ate jo sent me a message, I wanted to cry. They were like my best best friends ever. I wanted to cry since we lost communication for quite a while and here they are now, telling me consoling words at my lowest point in life.
The last time I saw jolo, on our way to glorietta he told me “bakit nga ba kita ihahatid eh mas gusto mo naman kasama mga kaibigan mo kesa sakin..”
I wanted to shout at him and tell him alam naman nya yung reason why I have to choose keith over him. kasi keith was there and was the one who helped me get through was jolo has done. Keith was there and never left me.. something I thought jolo would do. Akala ko kasi si jolo yung hindi ako iiwan. Akala he’d be the one who’ll catch me everytime.
You were everything I wanted
But I just can’t finish what I’ve started
There’s no room left here on my back
It was damaged long ago
Though you swear that you are true
I still pick my friends over you