He must have hurt you really badly. I can imagine that things were incredibly painful, as you now fear the world and are blinded to love when it presents itself in its purest form. Maybe it was a guy or two who caused it or it was growing up amidst a troubling family affair.
Whatever reason you have for feeling unable to trust, know that it’s valid and perfectly reasonable.
Heartache can leave a traumatizing mark that’s difficult to forget and can feel nearly impossible to overcome. When you find yourself in a situation that is the slightest bit familiar to how the hurtful past unraveled, it can feel nerve-racking and emotionally chaotic.
That identifiable jolt of surprise you feel when you glance over at his phone or that anger you feel when you ask a question or two brings you back to that moment when you first realized that no man can or should ever be trusted.
Despite how he rationalizes his actions, you have already expected an outcome that justifies your suspicion and negates anything that could disprove your theory.
The situation isn’t what you thought it to be. Your mind drags on, clinging to the idea that you’re bound to get hurt, that he’s doing something behind your back, that you’re replaceable and that there’s someone else.
Well, to every girl who finds it difficult to trust, give your partner the chance to be different.
It’s not a simple task and it definitely won’t be easy, but you must take it upon yourself to trust that your present situation won’t work out the same way as things did before.
When everything brings you fear, learn to live in fear. Distrust becomes your comfort zone and infidelity your truth. Watch out for possible signs to tell yourself that you’re right about this one — that you’re right not to trust him. Wait for him to make a mistake before you have any reason to stay in the comforts of doubt.
People will tell you that it’s not fair to pass the mistakes of another guy onto him. They’ll say that it’s not fair for him to be surrounded by doubt when he’s given nothing short of his best to make you feel loved and secure.
This advice is all true, but the most unjust thing you could do is let yourself suffer again for the mistakes of the man who broke your heart.
A relationship without trust is like an ice cream sundae without a cherry on top… it doesn’t feel complete. It can’t blossom into a beautiful connection if you believe he’s screwing up what both of you have.
When you completely trust the person you’re with, the foundation of the relationship will get stronger.
You’ll feel confident that when faced with a compromising situation, he won’t do anything to jeopardize the sanctity of what you value the most. He’ll appreciate you for believing the good in him.
When you stop fearing the what-ifs of tomorrow and focus on the good things that come today, you’ll realize that the worries that you’ve focused on for so long are ghosts you’ve created that have hindered you from experiencing true happiness.
Trusting someone is a choice you have to make for yourself.
When you trust him, he’ll prove to you that he’s worthy of it. His actions will show you that there was nothing to fear.
But, if in the end he disappoints you and hurts you, just move forward and continue to go through life with optimism about what genuine love and trust can bring. Because trust me, it’s beautiful.
Take yourself back to when you were 16. You were a completely different person than you are today, right? As we grow up, we grow out of bands, bedrooms, haircuts, friendship and, more often than not, relationships.
What we felt as heartbreak back then, we now see as our first crush welcoming a two-week relationship with someone else. However, we soon realized it wasn’t as detrimental as we thought, and we managed to move on.
I’m not suggesting actual heartbreak is comparable to teenage unrequited love, so don’t think I am underestimating the impact it can have.
Real heartbreak can utterly obliterate an individual, chip away at his or her character and cause complete devastation. You are left with a kind of nothingness, as though you are holding your breath, but do not want to exhale because then it will be over.
Regardless of how much you want the pain to end, it is the only attachment you still have to the individual, so it can feel better to brave through it than lose it for good.
Heartbreak leaves your entire body empty and your mind completely consumed. You are incapable of shaking your ex from your thoughts and everything you do, say, see or hear minds you of him or her.
You hate your ex for leaving, yet long for him or her back. The absence of this person has created a hole no one will ever fill. Even if you fall for someone else in the future, it will be a different kind of love, of which will hold a different part of your heart.
We go on dates thinking this person could be “the one,” and without getting to know him or her, we are blinded by the illusion of love and fantasy of romance. Real love will break our hearts, hurt us, deflate and wreck our self-confidence. It’s something you won’t find in the movies.
However, just like your 16-year-old self, you will overcome this. You may feel as though you’re watching your life go by in fast forward with you stuck in pause, but you must keep moving.
It’s okay to cry; it doesn’t mean you’re weak. But when you do stop, do not cry again. Never go back to the person that hurt you and put you through this pain.
Once the trust has gone, it will never be the same, no matter how hard you try. You will always be suspicious and curious if this person was capable of doing it before.
This is the first and hardest part of letting go of the pain, but it will be the beautiful beginning to you moving on. If you’re giving love and not receiving it, you’re in the wrong relationship. If you’re receiving it and not giving it, you’re taking advantage of the other person.
Never pursue love with someone who takes you for granted because someone who is only half interested doesn’t deserve the whole you.
Similarly, don’t be reckless with someone’s emotions; if you’re going to invest the large amount of time that comes with long-term relationships, be passionate about it, and about him or her.
Love is a crazy thing. You crave it when you don’t have it, yet often miss the chance when you do.
Finding “the one” is probably the hardest challenge you’ll face in life. Just like life itself, the only way you’ll get it right is through trial and error.
It may take longer than you expect or wish, but never give up on yourself or finding it. Sure, there will be lots of Mr. Rights out there, but only one Mr. Perfect.
Be patient and never settle for someone for the sake of it, or because you want the relationship rather than the person. This will only result in more upset further down the line.
Finally, know that everyone is beautiful to someone. Just because he or she is not around at this instant, doesn’t mean that the person for you does not exist.
Your perfect match is out there; it’s just unfortunate that the more you try to find something, the harder it is to see.
There are a few things I think you should know, as you are now the object of his affection.
Don’t let it surprise you, how quickly you fall for him, and don’t be apprehensive in letting yourself fall. He’ll be there to catch you. Don’t let my Facebook page intimidate you. There were a lot of pictures of us, and while I hate to admit it, the pictures are a thing of the past.
He’s taken down most of them by now. He may not talk about me to you; he didn’t talk to his friends about it when it ended, so I don’t know if they will know either. It was a beautiful, one-sided love story of the past, but you are his future now.
We don’t know each other, and I am sure you already don’t like me. I resented you slightly when I first found out, but we do have something very wonderful in common, and it connects us whether we like to admit it or not.
I won’t text him or like his posts on social media. I can’t tell you every secret because it took me time to figure that out myself. But just trust that there are reasons he doesn’t say what you want him to, and there are reasons he doesn’t do what you want.
He will spoil you from time to time, but he is wise with his expenses; he spends money only when he needs to. You are going notice how he gets excited like a child when it comes to certain things and learn to hear giggle in his laugh.
You’ll find out his favorite movie and he’ll make you sit through it; I know I couldn’t without falling asleep. You’ll notice how he loves watching movies and how he might do it more than going out.
You will see him out drunk and he’ll get mad sometimes. He has a temper, as I’m sure you have noticed, so don’t take it personally. When he storms off, let him go and trust he’ll always come back with a smile and his bright blue eyes that make you look away.
When he falls in love with you, let it not scare you when he cries because that’s the one thing that triggers those emotions in him. When he falls in love with you, you’ll notice you sleep better at night, and when it rains, his touch simply will vanish every fear.
When that happens, you’ll almost look forward to simple things, such as walks because he’ll reach for your hand and you’ll blush because no glove has ever fit it so well.
He’ll do whatever you ask of him and you’ll rarely fight. He doesn’t like advertising things like relationships and feelings, so don’t expect that of him, just know he does love you. He may not think of you at every moment, but you’ll cross his mind often enough.
He has bigger dreams than he is confident enough to believe in, so it’s your job to tell him every day how handsome he is and how smart he is and that he is capable of it all. He won’t believe you, but don’t stop saying it.
He’ll make you see the world in a new light, and you’ll start questioning things you never knew. He can’t cook, so don’t expect him to. You’ll find yourself laughing at his little catchphrases, and if you do something he doesn’t like, one eyebrow will raise and he’ll look at you without blinking.
When you two are out, he’ll watch you the whole time and it’ll seem like you are the only one in the room. When you dance, it’ll seem perfect. Let none of this scare you and love him the way he deserves. He’ll tell you about the past and his mistakes, so it’s your job to take his hand and let him know you’re not judging him.
He is a better person because of all of that, and he’s found you because of failed relationships in the past. I hope you love him the way he deserves and I hope he loves you as deeply as I thought he did me. I hope he’s honest with you in a way he never was with me, but most of all, I hope he gives you the fairytale I thought would once be my life.
Also: Remember that I don’t dislike you, but if I’m being honest, I am jealous of you. I have found acceptance, but I’m also happy someone else gets a chance to experience what I did.
I hope one day I can properly meet you. Like I said before, we have a connection that no one else can say they have and I’m sure you are a wonderful person. He looks at who a girl is first before falling in love with her appearance. It’s a rare quality in a man.
I only ask one thing of you: Don’t hurt him the way he hurt me. I believe in karma and I believe people get what they send out to the world, but I never wish that pain upon anyone, especially him. You are dating the man of our dreams and I truly mean it when I say I hope it all works out for you.
Sincerely, The Other Girl
I’ve had two magnificent loves in my life.
I felt as if love was the very liquid flowing through my veins: heart-racing, endless-butterflies, flushed-face, cheeks-hurt-from-smiling-so-much, couldn’t-wait-to-spend-every-waking-moment-with-him type sh*t.
You can probably guess where this is going. Neither one worked out, but the second one left me guessing whether I could ever recover from all the hurt and anguish he put me through. Most importantly, could I ever trust another man with my heart, body, mind and soul?
Even I felt as though I had to tiptoe around the shambles of my own heart; I was left to put everything back together. Before I could move forward with my life, I knew the first steps to moving on would be to forgive.
I’ve never said this openly to you, but now it’s time. To the man I thought you were:
You met me at such a vulnerable and fragile stage of my life, and you took full advantage of that. Just shy of 21, I thought I had found the love of my life.
You were everything I had always dreamed of and everything I thought I wanted. You were five years older than me, established, smart, handsome, funny, witty, skilled, so talented at your job and you could make me weak at the knees.
I’ll hand it to you; your facade was that of one who had clearly done this before. You had me in your hands like putty. Little did I know you would try to mold me into everything you needed me to be.
How naive I was to believe that someone like you could actually love me, wholeheartedly. It’s my own fault, and now on the verge of 26, I can take responsibility for what I failed to notice.
I guess you could say I did notice, just didn’t care to pay attention to all the red flags. You always wanted me to be something more, something your parents would approve of. Someone who resembled more of what your stature represented, almost like a social class.
I guess I should have listened to you when you said your mom wouldn’t approve of my tattoos, the very art I had engraved into my skin before I ever knew that you existed. Or maybe the times you told me to not do my hair a certain way because you didn’t like it.
How about the times you always gave me sh*t for dressing up nice, always assuming I was trying to impress someone? Did you ever think I was trying to look nice for you?
With all the guilt you carried around, I MUST be up to no good. All the simple things I enjoyed, you hated. I always wondered why I stayed with someone who so clearly didn’t like anything about me.
Then it clicked: I was convenient. I was an easy back up. Just tell her what she wants to hear, give her a little bit of hope, give her a little bit of rope and just real her back in when you need her.
Goddamn you, asshole, for making me feel so inadequate. I always made an excuse for your behavior. That is nobody’s fault but my own, but it is time you take responsibility for YOUR actions.
After all, if you had been the good boyfriend you claimed to be, I wouldn’t have had to make an excuses for your twisted, sick, and f*cked up choices.
Of course, you were always so talented at turning everything around and making me the bad guy. “I told you I didn’t want to be in a relationship … it’s not my fault if you get hurt. We aren’t together.” Oh we aren’t? I’m sorry, I must have you confused with the guy who has me over every night and day.
I come home, cook, clean, take care of the house and dog, do your laundry, fall asleep and wake up next to you every day. I’d catch you in a lie, or online dating sites, or going on dates on Valentine’s Day, or how about that late dinner on NYE that wasn’t with me?
Yet, if I dare talked to anyone, showed interest in anyone, I was the piece of sh*t. Wait a second … didn’t you say we weren’t together? I should be free to talk to whomever I want, right?
Do you even have any idea what I told these people who tried to date me? That I was still in love with someone, and I wanted to see it through the end until he clearly looked me in the eye and I knew it was over for good.
What hurt the most is when I would build up all this courage to finally say that I was done with feeling this way. That you no longer were going to have so much control over me, and that I no longer wanted to be with someone who couldn’t treat me the way I deserved.
Here you come with a sad face, making your eyes well up, telling me you don’t know why you continue to hurt the one person who has loved you for the last three years. You got me … back to square one. He’ll change, things will be different, I know he loves me. He almost cried…
So here we are. I have forgiven you, and have forgiven myself, but that doesn’t mean I still don’t get angry for all the times you made me feel so worthless.
While you never directly said it, I always knew it was implied. It’s my fault for sticking around, and it’s my fault for not listening to everything you were saying. Nobody ever said I was perfect, and lord knows I am flawed to the bone. My weakness isn’t really a weakness, it’s more of a strength. I love with all my heart, through thick and thin.
I give it all I got, and I was not the one who quit. No matter what you did, I still loved with you. It’s just a crying shame that you gave up on me. You doubted my abilities and you were ashamed. Yet, I never once said I was ashamed of you and all your flaws.
I learned to love my solitude, and I learned to love every single part of me. I enjoy not being a perfect specimen of a human being. I embody true beauty. I may be an emotionally f*cked up individual, but damn, am I strong. Anyone who has had to endure three years of your bullsh*t deserves an award.
So thank you, thanks for helping me realize just how badass I am. I’m living a fabulous life.
By the way, I heard you got married, cheers to that! I wish you nothing but happiness. I can genuinely say that because when you really love someone or in my case (loved) someone, regardless of what they’ve done to you, you do want the best for him.
My heart doesn’t have room for hate, it’s too full of love for the ones who care about me.
wow! mowdel lang ang peg!
motorbike: sponsored by Ken’s brother or Cora’s boyfriend
hair & make up: photographer’s team
kumpleto na. abs ko na lang ang kulang!
After the end of a relationship, it’s totally normal to feel depressed and to think that you’ll never find anyone you like or love as much. There may be days, weeks, or months in which you listen to Adele’s “Someone Like You” on repeat and sleep with a sweater that still smells like your old flame.
But what if these thoughts and feelings become overwhelming? At a certain point, you have to ask yourself: Am I still in love with him or her? Instead of tossing and turning all night trying to figure it out, check out our list of six ways to know when you’re definitely not over your ex.
Note: None of these items is a sign that you’ll never get over him or her or that you should try to get back together. The topic is complicated, so make sure to talk out your feelings with a friend or therapist before making any decisions.
1. It’s been a long time, and you’re still thinking about him or her
You’ve likely heard someone say that it takes about half the time the relationship lasted to recover from the breakup (and some psychologists actually support that idea). But the truth is, the time it takes to get over an ex depends on a few factors, including the intensity of the relationship and your role in it. In general, though, if it’s been years since the end of a six-month relationship and you still feel attached to your ex, you might want to seek professional help.
2. People are sick of hearing you talk about him or her
It’s unrealistic to think that, after a breakup, you’re never going to think or speak about your former partner ever again. But if you’re constantly finding reasons to mention his or her name and the experiences you shared, it’s a sign that you probably aren’t over your ex, according to Lancaster, Pennsylvania-based marriage and family therapist Joan Sherman, L.M.F.T. Since it can be hard to gauge how much you talk about your ex, go by what friends, family, and even new romantic partners say. If they think it’s a problem, it probably is.
3. You’ve been in romantic relationships with other people but still feel bound to him or her
Research suggests that starting a new relationship with a new person (when you’re ready) can help you get over a breakup. If you find that you’re having trouble with this new relationship because you’re constantly comparing your current partner to your old one, it could indicate that you’re still attached, Sherman says. Similarly, Sherman adds, “If you start to feel feelings for somebody, and then you squash them because it gets too scary,” that could also be a sign that you’re hanging on to your ex.
4. Your ex is the first person you think of when you’re upset
When you date someone for a while, you start to rely on him or her for emotional support. After you break up, you have to find new sources of that same kind of care.
According to relationships researcher Samantha Joel, “the main telltale sign that someone is still attached to their ex is how readily their ex enters their mind when they are anxious or upset.” In other words, if after a bad day at work all you want to do is call your ex and vent (even though your mom and your BFF are first and second on speed dial), it might be an indication that you still have feelings for him or her.
5. You can’t see anything negative in the relationship
Even the healthiest relationship is bound to have some weak points. One way to know if you’ve started to get over an ex is if you’re able to evaluate the relationship realistically. That means recognizing its positive as well as negative qualities.
Says Sherman, “If you’re not willing to look at how that relationship helped you and also didn’t help you … then that’s a little bit of a question for me.” In fact, one study found that people who were able to think something negative about their partner a month after breaking up were more likely to have an easier time adjusting to the end of a relationship.
6. You’re really busy, and you still feel like something’s missing
When you’re grieving the end of a relationship, keeping active and working toward new goals is crucial, says psychologist Kelly McGonigal, Ph.D. It’s not that you want to completely distract yourself from your negative feelings, but having too much time on your hands can make it harder to remember that there are other parts of life you actually enjoy. If your calendar is filled with training for a half marathon, happy hours with pals, and volunteering at your local soup kitchen and you’re still pining for your ex, your feelings might be stronger than you’re willing to admit