the hangover 2

it’s just now that i saw this entry in my drafts. well..
january 2, 2014
after new year’s day dinner with his relatives, my boyfriend and i went out last night.
six of us went in to this comedy bar in metrowalk (ortigas).
had too much alcohol in my stomach (too much, since i stopped taking alcoholic drinks almost 3yrs ago). i had 4 shots of tequila, a shot of vodka, and 3 bottles of san mig light.
vomited on the way to aunt’s house. vomited again near imperial palace in qc, and again upon reaching bf’s house in qc.
bf’s mom opened the door, i immediately went to the bathroom to throw up again.
i remember bf changing my clothes and asking me to go upstairs to sleep.
when i woke up at 9.30 in the morning.. boom!
i was lying on the couch, with only a headache & an upset stomach with me.
ouch. never again. sorry vodka. you are really not my type!
Advertisements a fellow call center agent

i’ve applied for the Admin Assistant post in February 2013. i was excited, to say the least. especially since i believed i am qualified for the said post. well, who would want to apply if they didn’t believe they’re qualified, right? anyway.. so i’ve submitted my CV and all that, making sure my previous job of the same title was highlighted. it’s been 2 days after i’ve sent my application when we had our town hall meeting. i haven’t got any reply yet from the recruitment then. then our AVP announced that we are on moratorium for 6 months so we cannot transfer jobs/functions. i was upset. because it limits my chance of having a new work envinroment, but still with the same company.
a few days after, we were out in the break room discussing the internal job postings (IJP) that we have applied for, sharing the same sentiment because of the moratorium. there was this person, who used to be an agent at that time, who was sharing info about the posts she’d seen in taleo (carreer website/intranet). She said she had applied for an admin assistant post. basically, a personal secretary to one of the department heads or something of the same level. i asked her who will she be reporting for if she gets hired. she said

“country manager. kelangan nila yung meron experience. eh di ba call center ka lang naman? so hindi ka pwede mag-apply dun kasi qualifications pa lang, hindi ka na qualified.”

i just kept silent. coz i don’t want to burst her bubble in front of other people. since i know she’ll get promoted for another post anytime soon. One of our common friends aproached me and whispered “di ba receptionist ka dati? and ilan years ka na nagwo-work di ba? di ka naman newbie. bakit ayaw mo sumagot?” i just said “yaan mo na sya. ayaw padaig eh. sya na magaling!”
My first job was in June 2006 in Sandz Enterprise Business Solutions as a receptionist/admin assistant/technical support coordinator. I was the secretary of the technical team, handling the engineers’ itinerary, schedules and dispatch. i do the minutes, and other admin task. i also handled the front office, taking in calls, working as an operator, doing inventories, telemarketing, and others.
can i just send her my CV? just because we were working in the same office means we have the same work history. she can’t compare me to her. at that moment, not intending to be mean, i asked my self “what school are you from and what degree or diploma do you have?”
bitch. mode. on.

how much does experience, tenureship, and quality of work (plus work ethics/values) costs?

back in 2010, when the recruiter handed me my Job Offer, and after seeing the figures, i was glad. of course it was still more than what i’m getting from my current employer then. so i accepted it and signed. after a week, one of my new wavemates and (her big mouth) was discussing how much was her basic pay and how much she’s getting about less than a month ago. i was surprised. she’s been offerred way too much than i  do.
after a few months, one of my team mates was telling us how much she was getting from her previous job. someone asked her “Php27000? gaano ka na ba katagal sa call center?”  “five (5) months.” “graduate ka college?” “hinde. 1st year college lang ako. gusto ko nga pumasok ulit kaya lang nakakatamad n kc xempre kumikita n q eh!” i was so upset. she’s earning more than what i do. and to think na i started working since 2007!
of course i can’t comment or even react to what she said. so there i was, vrey upset with what i’ve learnt. and so i’ve told my boyfriend. we used to work for the same company in QC before we transfer in BGC. when we left QC, i was also not happy with the fact that both of us received the same amount for our separation/back pay. of course, i’ve been with that company from 2007 – 2010 and he was only there for less than a year. talk about too much baggage!
it’s as if i can do or even say something. whou wouldn’t want to be appreciated for all the hardwork that you’ve done for the company. but seeing those people, just chatting, talking, eating and all that.. yes they do their job, and even one of my supervisors told me before that i’m ‘busier’ than the others.. to hell with that! yes there are times that i’m tempted, tempted to do what others are doing. petiks. tambay. wala lang. but at the end of the day, mahirap talaga pag hindi ka naman talaga ganun. i’m not pabibo, as they cal it. show off. no. i just want to do things that are expected me to do, tasks that are assigned to me. i just don’t want anything to be held against me. i’m just doing what i am being paid for. well, more than what i am paid for actually 🙂

i don’t know how strong i am, until being strong is the only choice i have.

i applied for this call center way back in november 2007. it wasn’t my first time doing collection calls so i gave it a chance. the pay isn’t bad afterall.
there were 35 applicants in all (including me). i arrived at 6 in the morning (my scheduled exam is at 7am). i thought they were strict with the dress code so i wore my killer heels (4.5″ stilleto) with my black cropped pants and green ruffled blouse just to be safe. it was more of a casual business attire for me. when i arrived at the recruitment hub, to my surprise, others were wearing denim shorts, sneakers.. tee-shirts, and the likes. i felt like i overdressed for the interview.
There was this gIrl, Kat, who’s seated beside me who became my first friend there. She said she’s a licensed nurse, but haven’t had any experience yet aside from her OJT. She was always shy so i was the one who always ask questions from other applicants who already have call center experience/s. out of the 36 aplicants, from the initial screening, 25 were left, then 13, then 8, then just me, Kat, and this flirty guy whom i can’t recall his name.
we were scheduled for the final interview at 7 that evening. yes, their claim at ‘one-day hiring process’ is true. or maybe just for us. the interviewer was late, so Kat had her chance at 8pm, then this guy’s turn was at 8.30 pm. then mine started at exactly 9:05 in the evening. so we’ve had this q&a about my previous work experience and all, about my expectations, the usual stuff. then a few minutes of role-playing (or mock call) wherein he commented “it really shows you’ve handled charged-off accounts”. we finished the interview at around quarter before 11. when i went out of the interview room, after the interviewer left, Kat and this guy were teasing me, saying they thought they wouldn’t find my feet flat on the floor. really?!
it was fun. the training was fun. after aBay (training) for almost 2 months, we’ve had this mini-awarding ceremony, and i was given a certificate written with MISS HEARTHROB , i was one of the youngest, so they always call me bunso, princess. it may be rude, and i may sound as if i’m feeling maganda but there were a few guys who’d asked me out. too bad i’m still not over my ex then so i didn’t gave them a chance. even security guards/officers, grabe!
almost a month after i was hired, we’ve had our company christmas party. it was held in a comedybar. i was with my friends. had a few drinks, but i’m not yet drunk. i can still walk in a straight line. my limit everytime is at 6 bottles and i just had 4 then so i know i’m still ok. my friend/team mate asked me to join her upstairs to get something to eat. then we bumped into one of the supervisors. he asked me where are we going and i just said we’re going to eat. when i looked around, my friend was nowhere in sight. so the supervisor asked me to join their table upstairs instead and wait for my friend there. a few minutes more, and a few more bottle of beers, next thing i now, he was kissing me. after that he never left my side. he introduces me to all the people he know.. supervisors, his previous agents, the OMs, even the country manager.. when it was time to go home, i left him and went to my friends. one of them said “kanina ka pa namin hinahanap ah.. bakit ba hindi ka namin makita?” then someone answered, “alam ko kung nasan sya kanina. di ko na lang sinabi s inyo kasi baka meron tyo maistorbo” then i saw him again, seems like waiting for me outside the bar. when my guy friend and i hailed a cab, i saw him looked so angry then mouthed a curse.
come weekend, i wasn’t expecting any text message from anyone aside from my ex boyfriend. i was on my way from batangas going to manila when i received a message from an unknown number.


then right after i read the message, my phone rang. it was that supervisor. ok, let’s give him a name. let’s call him Zoren (his agents call him this, they said he looks like this actor who has the same name, but i don’t think so). at first i din’t know it was him. i didn’t gave him my number anyway. so when i heard his voice i was startled. he’d asked me what happenned after i left. he’s asking me if we could meet again outside office hours. so just to set things straight, i said yes. i agreed to meet him the next day before shift (Monday, December 10, 2007).
before christmas, i, together with two of my wave-mates,were chosen by our clients as Subject Matter Experts (SMEs). it was easy at first. kapal ng mukha ko eh!
those who were more tenured than i am used to play tricks on me, making customers irate then passes the phone to me since i take escalated calls. but still, i was able to surpass all those. without the help of anyone, even Zoren.
Come Christmas eve, we were in the office. it was my first time to work during the holidays. and since i knew he has a daughter, i didn’t expect him to be there in the office. talk about perks of being a supervisor. hmp! what i din’t expect was, not even a text message or a fucking missed call came! and ever the optimistic, and sadistic girlfriend that I am, i keep telling my self, maybe he was just caught up doing something. i’m not that selfish so i think maybe he was just making up for the lost time with his daughter.
It was Christmas day itself, after our shift when i was riding a bus on the way home to the province. i was awaken by my phone ringing from an unregistered number. i thought it was just someone who wanted to greet me Merry Christmas. when i clicked the answer button, it was an older woman’s voice on the other line.

“stay away from my son or else you might regret it for the rest of your life. i know who you are. i know where your family is. kung ayaw mo ng gulo, gawin mo sinasabi ko!”

I saw him again December 28. Yes i was mad. it was the first time i felt like i was neglected. first time that i felt alone. emo! well, i have my family. but it’s different. and i thought maybe it’s really like this.. since he has a daughter. it felt like it was an illicit affair. So there he was, coming close to my station, mouthing something like “i miss you” or maybe it was just my imagination. when he was beside me, he said “meet me at starbucks downstairs after shift. then he left.
so shift came to an end. i saw him waiting for me in the elevator banks. we were going out when our Project Manager together with one of the supervisors passed by and saw us. Project Manager smiled. but the other supervisor just raised her eyebrows while looking at me from head to foot. duh?! what a bitch!
we sat at the farthest table to the door. avoiding people? maybe. he asked how was my chritmas. i said “hell.” his reaction was? he slapped my mouth. maybe it was just a tap. but since i’m not used to that, i was startled. it was the first time someone did that to me. “you’re not supposed to curse in front of me!bastos!”
surprised was an understatement. out of frustration, i told him “so who the hell were those women calling me then asking me to stop seeing you?” i think he was shocked. he wasn’t able to answer right away. after a few minutes of silence, not sure if he was thinking or what, “can i check your phone?” and without even waiting for my answer, he took it from my hand. i think he checked/dialed the numbers on his phone. then “it was my mom.. and charisse.” “who the hell is charisse?!” “my daughter’s mom” “ah.. so you still see each other?” “she’s always there at home in BF” (BF, an exclusive subdivision). “sorry? you mean.. you still live together?!” “no. but my parents ask her to stay there. but she has her own house. his uncle is a general, my dad is a general, so they’d always wanted us to end up together. i proposed to her just last october, she said NO. imagine my humiliation! so i don’t know why bother you now!” and yes, EOP po talaga kami.
he then asked me if i could go with him to his condo unit to get his things before i go home. when we arrived, i asked if i could use the comfort room. i’ve noticed that one bedroom door was open. so i thought i was supposed to go there. i’ve noticed pictures scatterred on the bed. when i passed those, i was shocked when i saw pictures of our house, of my parents, and of my siblings. all were stolen shots, of course. right then, i knew this is totally something. who, in the right mind, would ever take these pictures? i haven’t done anything yet to him. or to his family.
i wasn’t able to go through the comfort room then. i’m scared of the things i might see if i go further in that room. when i came out, i saw him standing by the door just waiting for me. without saying a word, we went out.
sometime in january, i received a call from clarisse. “ang kapal tlga ng mukha mo no? how many times do i have to tell you to leave him alone? you’re ruining our daughter’s life! if it’s money that you want, tell me how much do you need and i’ll send you a check!” with that, i hung up. when i ask Zoren about it, he said “told them you don’t want anything from me and you’re not after the money. i told them we broke up. but i don’t think they believed me. my daughter used to use her mom’s lastname, but they changed it to mine. just so they can transfer my assets to her name and that you won’t get any, in case. my business, my car, my condo, all of those were taken away from me. can’t you see all the things that i’ve sacrifice for you?” and while saying that, he was holding my arms so tight, it bruised the next day. whenmy mom asked me how’d i get it, i said i bumped into something.
i was so scared, and confused that i don’t know what to do. i don’t know how to react. and i don’t know what to feel then. i hoped our relationship would be my last. i hoped everything will turn out well. just like in the movies.. in the soap operas.. in the novels.. kababasa ko kasi ng pocketbooks eh! pang MMK kaya story ko!! i keep on making stories, good stories to my mom whenever she asked me about him. only to realize later that i shouldn’t have done it in the first place.
i didn’t know where it came from, but he keeps on asking me if i already have my period. i thought it was just to make sure i’m not pregnant, but i was wrong! i know it was my fault. why i stayed. i tried to break up with him many times after the constant calls & text messages from his mom and his ex. at first he’ll talk me out if it, saying everything will be ok. then after the pictures.. i thought it was my last straw. i wouldn’t want anything bad happen to my family just because of my selfishness. and i’m not happy anymore. from the start all he gave me is confusion, frustration,and everything in between. i don’t want to lie to my mom whenever i go home every day then she’ll see the bruises on my arms. she even asked me to visit the doctor as i might be sick. yes, sick. sick from him and all his hang ups and his bullshits!
it felt like everything was starting to fall. i’m hurting. physically, mentally, figuratively. there was this time i approached one of my so-called friends in the office, i wasn’t actually going to spill my drama to her. but i was astounded when she said “can you just stay away from us? we don’t want to be caught in the middle of your issues” then she left. wow! that’s a friend. a Fucking friend!
and i asked Zoren to let me go. but he did what i didn’t expect him to do. he pointed a gun at me, while gripping my neck, shouting, “you wouldn’t dare! or else i’ll kill you, or any one from your family!” i was so scared. i never had imagined he’d do that to me. and the last time he asked if i had my period, he said “are you pregnant? i want you pregnant with my kid. or else you know what will happen. you wouldn’t want to go onthe pill.. or else..”
…to be continued

crazy for you? crazy for me.. then.

Swaying room as the music starts
Strangers making the most of the dark
Two by two their bodies become one
It’s been like seven years since we’ve last been together as boyfriend-girlfriend. and today, well, It’s one of those days that he just popped into my mind and all I can think was how good it felt when someone loves you more than you love him. and then it came. that feeling of guilt.. of regret.. of ‘what ifs’ and ‘it could’ve been’.
I met “jordan” when I had my first job. I used to work as a receptionist/tech support coordinator for this IT Company in Makati, and he was an engineer. we were both fresh graduates then. So naïve. So inexperienced. so.. fragile. both jordan and i were the youngest employees there. back then, i’ve just turned 20, and he will be turning 21. officemates and team mates always tease him, asking him to court me. and back then, i was the shy type. being probinsyana and young. those were always my excuse.
moving on
i was in the process of moving on from a failed relationship, and i felt very vulnerable. everytime i talk to someone who listens very attentively on how gerby and i broke up, relief consumes me. jordan and i were always paired with each other at work. so whenever we’re idle, he asks me to make kwento,. jordan was always there.. just like what a best guy friend would do. whenever he’s out on a client call, he would text me every now and then. it was always like ‘Jordan, reporting for duty ma’m!’
being the only female in the technical team, other guys would like to get close. especially those who are not so young. even those who are already married. maybe because they know i’m going through a hard patch and it’s their way of helping me move on, they always ask me to hang out with them during lunch and even after work.
getting to know
and since i’m comfortable with Jordan, yes, he was my sponge then. we became close. and eventually, yes, he started courting me.
I see you through the smokey air
Can’t you feel the weight of my stare
You’re so close but still a world away
What I’m dying to say,
we started dating, yes. but not exclusively. it felt wrong. but that’s what i want. i’m not ready to have a that kind of relationship yet again.
he’s the submissive kind of boy friend or suitor in that sense. not in a sexual way. i mean, he does everything i ask him without a batting an eyelash. at first i liked it. well, who wouldn’t? it was the first time that i’ve dated such kind of person. it sounded like i’m just using him. maybe yes. but definitely not. i’ve told him everything, so it’s definitely up to him if he will still like me or not. it’s like having a boyfriend back in high school. he’ll wake up every day at 4am just to fetch me at 6am. he’s travelling from sucat to alabang, so it’s around 22KM everyday. then after my shift at 6pm, he should be there to bring me home. and if he has client calls, he always make sure that someone will accompany me going home. it’s kinda possessive. but then i liked it.
I’m crazy for you
Touch me once and you’ll know it’s true
I never wanted anyone like this
It’s all brand new, you’ll feel it in my kiss
I’m crazy for you, crazy for you
In less than a month, he already have introduced me to his clan. it turns out that his family’s roots are from Batangas. So we have another thing in common. When his relatives found out that Jordan brought someone home with him, almost everyone came to say Hi. napudpod na nga noo ko kamamano eh! His dad, who’s based offshore also called just to say Hi (another thing in common, both of our dads were marine engineers). The feeling was so overwhelming. It’s like everyone likes me. but somehow, guilt strikes. it made me feel like he’s exerting more effort on this ‘relationship’ that we have, but i don’t.
It was 2 months after Jordan and I started dating that I became close with “Tom”. He was one of the senior engineers in the team. He’s more of the big brother type of guy. Immediately, I felt something different. Maybe because I wanted someone to take care of me and I’m always attracted to “mature” men. I always look forward to the times that Tom was in the office and he’s the one helping me out with my tasks. It felt good having good conversations with someone who knows more than I do. i mean, he’s 13 years older than me, so it’s already a given fact that he’s more experienced than Jordan and I.
(to be continued..)

my first attempt at online shopping

my boyfriend used to sell bags online. he used to do meet ups with clients,and he’d rather do that instead of shipping it since he enjoyed driving then and he get to go places (cavite, laguna, batangas & manila only). and back then, toll fee from nichols to calamba only costs less than P100.
so when it was my turn to order online, he keeps on telling me not to do it since he believed not all sellers can be trusted. being stubborn in nature, i didn’t listen to him. so i took the opportunity and browsed through instagram while he was sleeping soundly at my side.
i’ve always wanted to wear a dress at work since that’s the only time i feel more feminine. so i’ve typed in the explore tab the ‘dress’ hashtag. i’ve checked this one seller and i looked at her photos/items. and since i’ve gained weight.. i’d love to wear black so i can hide my bulges. and after reading the feedback from her previous customers, i was quite impressed, especially after looking at the pictures. and since we’re required to don ‘business casual’ dress code starting october, i think our P150 clothing allowance will go a long, long way since the price of the dresses i’ve seen were very affordable
this is the one i’ve wanted..
so i’ve sent a message to the seller and asked how the ordering/purchase process goes..
after we’ve discussed the process, i went to globe to pay it via g-cash. it’s a bank holiday then so i have to go there instead of paying it over the counter. so amount + shipping fee + gcash processing fee. so i paid for P779. it’s still affordable.
after that..
instead, i received this..
so after the hassle of calling JRS everyday, i was able to get the black one. the one i ordered.
i told the seller i’ll be paying the 2nd one when i got back to manila. but after a few days i really forgot all about it since i left those in the hamper. i was so disappointed coz those weren’t the ones i’ve expected them to be.
my boyfriend was teasing me, saying i looked like i’m ready to go to sleep. the nerve! so sweet right?!
i’ve shared this story to my girl friends before writing this blog entry. and one of them told me not to pay for the 2nd one since it wasn’t my fault.
i don’t want someone think of me as taking advantage of the situation. i still wanted to pay for it. i wouldn’t run from her with that unpaid amount. duh?! para san pa yun clothing allowance no?!
i intend to pay it next week. basta anytime next week. tinatamad pa lang ako.
am i ready for my next purchase?
well.. pwede naman.. ere’s always the 1st time. maybe i’ll just opt for COD na lang then 😓

Nanay and Tatay’s Renewal of Vows

Joana Fuchs once said,

” You two are role models for everyone who believes in eternal love, for those who trust that there really is a ‘one and only.’ You are role models for the benefits of a happy marriage through unconditional love for one person for sixty years. You are role models, showing that two are better than one, that it is better to be a team in facing life’s challenges. You are role models for commitment, for caring, for unselfish devotion. Happy anniversary! May your love continue to be a golden beacon for the rest of us.”

It was my first time to attend a golden wedding anniversary celebration. It was the first time that i’ll be meeting the whole Ambat-clan (my boyfriend’s family from his father’s side). A lot of firsts.. And i’m so fat. Gosh! 😱
this is what jolo wore that day..
and this was mine.
the venue. intramuros, baby!
the invite and ‘my’ bouquet. i took this pic during the entrance of the secondary sponsors (after jolo’s moment).
meet uncle eric, auntie grace and derek.
jolo’s family. tito vic, tita elma, stella, divina, ate irene & kuya anton with carlisle.
the family portrait. including me! 🙂 and the other girlfriends of jolo’s cousins.
kuya anton & ate irene with carlisle.
tita elma, divina and tito vic. with david as the photobomber. hehe..
 tita elma and tito vic (again.. hehe..)
tatay and nanay’s first wedding photo.
me with jolo’s sisters.
 the siblings.
nanay and jolo.
the wives of the ambat men 🙂
20130726-160950.jpg jolo and his cousin, bing.
and that’s all folks. 🙂

just my dreams as a guide, i set off is search of sandy gardens. set under Mr. Sun's glow. no maps, no plans, here i go. This is me!