The year-ender

I was making my self busy, singing.. While waiting for the year to end. Then my phone alerted me of an email that came.

Alas! I was doing ok. Then..

“it’s as if he was telling duane to back-off from you in this pic.. ”

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If my memory serves me right.. This was taken september 21, 2013. A few days before our 4th ondoy anniversary.  I think he was drunk then. We keep on asking him not to drive anymore. Duane bought me this mogu mogu drink while they were having red horse. and jolo said i was flirting with duane. They all thought i had a crush on him. I liked him, yes. Because of his voice. But i never had any thoughts of doing something about it.

“we stood there, looking at each other, saying nothing. but it was the kind of nothing that meant everything. in his eyes, there was no trace of what had happened between us earlier and i could feel something inside me break.

so that was that. we were finally over.

i looked at him, and i felt so sad, because this thought occured to me: ‘i will never look at you the same way again. i’ll never be that girl again. the girl who comes running back every time you push her away, the girl who loves you anyway.’

i couldn’t even be mad at him, because this was who he was. this was who he’d always been. he’d never lied about that. he gave and then he took away. i felt it in the pit of my stomach, the familiar ache, that lost, regretful feeling only he could give me. i never wanted to feel it again. never. ever.

maybe this was why i came, so i could really know. so i could say good bye.

i looked at him, and i thought, ‘if i was very brave or very honest, i would tell him.’
i would say it, so he would know it and i could never take it back. but i wasn’t that brave or honest, so all i did was look at him. and i think he knew anyway.

‘I release you. i evict you from my heart. because if i don’t do it now, i never will.’

i was the one to look away first..”

excerpt, Jenny Han’s It’s Not Summer Without You

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““Life was passing me by. I was alive, but not awake. I hadn’t been awake in a really long time. Funny, I thought the prince was supposed to wake Sleeping Beauty. Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined that I wasn’t the dragon or the prince. But the one in need of a rescue so epic — that my world shattered.
The scary thing about waking up? You’re reminded how much of your life was a nightmare — and again remember why you went to sleep in the first place.
—Gabe H.”

Excerpt From: Rachel Van Dyken. “Toxic.” iBooks.

Excerpt From: Rachel Van Dyken. “Toxic.” iBooks.

“Enjoy the good times while you can—they won’t be lasting much longer.

I guess life is like that.
You think you have it all under control. Your path so perfectly mapped out. And then one day you’re driving along and Bam! You get rammed from behind on the freeway. And you never saw it coming.

People are like that too. Unpredictable.

No matter how well you think you know somebody? how confident you are of their feelings, their reactions? They can still surprise you. And in the most devastating of ways.”

Excerpt From: Chase, Emma. “Twisted (tangled #2).” ePub Bud (www.epubbud.com), 2014-04-01. iBooks.