Category Archives: moving on
SMP.
“tin! Pwede ka na pala sumama sa club namin.”
“anu club?”
“SMP. Samahan ng mga malalamig ang pasko!”
It was last September 1st that I remember that this would be the first Christmas that I won’t be celebrating without a boyfriend (since I’ve started dating).
Last year, I told him “dapat January pa lang naghahanap na tayo ng mga gift para sa relatives natin.. para nakukumpleto natin & they’ll say n pinagisipan talaga yung mga gifts!” his aunt, tita beth once teased him “ok pala na gf tong si tin.. mula nun naging kayo marunong na magregalo si jolo! Dati kasi mama lang nya bumibili eh!”
Last year, it was the 1st time I’ve bought chrsitmas decors. It may not be for our own Christmas tree, but together, the two of us assembled it. Ang sarap nun feeling. Jolo said “ginawa ko to kasi gusto ko maging happy ka. The last time we’ve set up a christmas tree, dad was still with us. Si mama naman, after dad left us, hindi na sya nag-set up ng christmas tree. Now, this is for you. Kasi all I wanted is to make you happy, kahit sa gnitong simpleng paraan. And pag meron na tayo sariling bahay, I’ll buy you a big one! Pero hindi totoong tree ha. Mahal. Sayang. Hehe..” And I loved him for that. Kasi growing up from an Iglesia ni Cristo family, we never had a Christmas tree at home. My aunt would just let me decorate theirs before until I went into college. When I started working, that was one of my plan. To buy our own christmas tree at home.
I’ve started buying gifts last weekend. I already have a list of those people I’ll be giving gifts. As I’ve gone through my list, I didn’t notice na I was looking at the one I did a few months ago when we were still together. I saw his relatives’ names.. meg, xavier.. his inaanaks jandrei.. & his friends (who used to be my friends too) ida, jenkin.. and the team mates from HRCC. So I have to make a new list, and I only bought those for my officemates’ kids.
I hate doing that. Those people doesn’t have to do with what happened to us. With ida.. actually I’m not sure. But I hope she’s not part of it, hindi sya nanulsol. So I have to crossout names one after another.
I remember jolo saying (after we broke up) “you can still go to our family affairs.. k-close mo naman sila.. pero kung meron na ko bagong gf.. hindi na pwede. Kasi awkward na. ayoko naman na andun ka.. tapos dadating ako na meron kasamang iba.. masasaktan ka lang”
That’s why I know he’ll never come back. There’ll be no second (or third or fourth) chance for us. Even before pa pala.. he’s thinking of having someone else with him during their family affairs. Samantalang ako, all I think of is how to deal with his family.. how to please them.. what to give them on holidays.. Just like what tita beth (his aunt) said, “ok lang naman sa family kahit anu gawin nya.. hindi na kami magmamalinis.. kasi ganun din naman yung iba namin relatives. That’s why we’re so used to it. You should’ve known this could happen. You should’ve expected the worst. Next time.. alamin mo yung history ng family habang maaga, para prepared ka. I know it hurts. But shit happens sometimes.” Jolo even told me “ok lang naman mambabae ako.. or kahit anu gawin ko. Kasi kinukunsinte aq ni mama. Kahit anu gawin ko.. alam ko never sya magagalit sakin. Kasi kaming 2 lang naman magkakampi.”
I still wish him well. I don’t want something bad happen to him. I know I wouldn’t know. I wish no one would tell me. but I still care. I hope someone will make him realize all the wrong things he has done. Kasi naaawa ako sa mama nya. She just wanted what’s the best for him. I’m not the best. But I saw how happy she was when we’re still together. I made a promise to his mom that I’d do everything for him. na kami ng family ko yung bahala sa kanya while his mom’s away. That’s why I asked for his mom’s forgiveness when we broke up. Kasi I can no longer fulfill my promise. Kasi he doesn’t want me to. And I cant do anything anymore but give what he wants. Because that’s all I want to do. Make him happy, even if I’m no longer part of it.. even if his happiness means I have to let him go.. even if it means he’d be happier without me.. with someone else.. even if his happiness means my loneliness.. coz I know, he’d be happy without me.
Now, a few more days before chrsitmas, all I’d ever want is to spend each day with my son.. as many days as possible. Just to make it up to him. for the past few years.. for the past 4 christmas(ses), I’ve been spending it with jolo. And I’ve been so unfair to my son. Maybe this was God’s way of letting me realize I’ve been an inrresponsible mom to my son. And my age isn’t an excuse anymore. I’m already 28. My son is growing up and he needs me. I have to be there for him any other way. He took him away from me just so I can be with my son.
All I wanted then was the best Christmas ever. A family. For me, and for my son. But also for him. since he grew up without his dad. Best christmas? Him, me and my son. Or him, me and his mom. But now, I can only expect to have the best Christmas ever. With just me and my son. It could still be the best. But incomplete. Someday.. it will be..
You May Have Been Hurt And Find It Difficult To Trust But You Will Find Someone Worthy Of It
http://elitedaily.com/dating/every-girl-finds-difficult-trust/689831/
He must have hurt you really badly. I can imagine that things were incredibly painful, as you now fear the world and are blinded to love when it presents itself in its purest form. Maybe it was a guy or two who caused it or it was growing up amidst a troubling family affair.
Whatever reason you have for feeling unable to trust, know that it’s valid and perfectly reasonable.
Heartache can leave a traumatizing mark that’s difficult to forget and can feel nearly impossible to overcome. When you find yourself in a situation that is the slightest bit familiar to how the hurtful past unraveled, it can feel nerve-racking and emotionally chaotic.
That identifiable jolt of surprise you feel when you glance over at his phone or that anger you feel when you ask a question or two brings you back to that moment when you first realized that no man can or should ever be trusted.
Despite how he rationalizes his actions, you have already expected an outcome that justifies your suspicion and negates anything that could disprove your theory.
The situation isn’t what you thought it to be. Your mind drags on, clinging to the idea that you’re bound to get hurt, that he’s doing something behind your back, that you’re replaceable and that there’s someone else.
Well, to every girl who finds it difficult to trust, give your partner the chance to be different.
It’s not a simple task and it definitely won’t be easy, but you must take it upon yourself to trust that your present situation won’t work out the same way as things did before.
When everything brings you fear, learn to live in fear. Distrust becomes your comfort zone and infidelity your truth. Watch out for possible signs to tell yourself that you’re right about this one — that you’re right not to trust him. Wait for him to make a mistake before you have any reason to stay in the comforts of doubt.
People will tell you that it’s not fair to pass the mistakes of another guy onto him. They’ll say that it’s not fair for him to be surrounded by doubt when he’s given nothing short of his best to make you feel loved and secure.
This advice is all true, but the most unjust thing you could do is let yourself suffer again for the mistakes of the man who broke your heart.
A relationship without trust is like an ice cream sundae without a cherry on top… it doesn’t feel complete. It can’t blossom into a beautiful connection if you believe he’s screwing up what both of you have.
When you completely trust the person you’re with, the foundation of the relationship will get stronger.
You’ll feel confident that when faced with a compromising situation, he won’t do anything to jeopardize the sanctity of what you value the most. He’ll appreciate you for believing the good in him.
When you stop fearing the what-ifs of tomorrow and focus on the good things that come today, you’ll realize that the worries that you’ve focused on for so long are ghosts you’ve created that have hindered you from experiencing true happiness.
Trusting someone is a choice you have to make for yourself.
When you trust him, he’ll prove to you that he’s worthy of it. His actions will show you that there was nothing to fear.
But, if in the end he disappoints you and hurts you, just move forward and continue to go through life with optimism about what genuine love and trust can bring. Because trust me, it’s beautiful.
Once A Lover, Now A Stranger: Why Love Is The Risk We Should All Be Taking
http://elitedaily.com/dating/lover-now-stranger/698610/
I’ve always found the concept of breaking up with someone to be both unsettling and sad. Whenever I hear of a friend or family member’s relationship coming to an end, I feel somewhat disappointed that another love failed yet again.
Coming from a family where my parents met and fell in love at 15 years old, I grew up believing in the whole “fairy-tale” ending phenomenon. I just didn’t understand how if two people loved each other so much, they could even fathom ending things.
I think this is part of the reason I struggled so much in ending my first long-term relationship. He was more than just a lover; I grew up with him. I had so many firsts with this person, and I went through many hard times with him by my side.
We started dating at 15, the same age as my parents. He was my best friend for four years and I couldn’t imagine life without him, or how I was even happy before we came together.
Before I knew it, everything changed. He made consistent mistakes when it came to our relationship that hurt me over and over again. I started to feel myself not just falling out of love with him, but also craving something new and more fulfilling.
At the same time, the thought of not having him in my life felt both sad and unfamiliar. It also felt unfair: Why did I have to lose him as both my boyfriend and my best friend at the same time? I wished it didn’t have to be that way. I wished the aching hole in my heart would just close up and heal.
It’s amazing to think how quickly people can come in and out of your life; people who used to mean everything can turn into nothing. How are we forced to forget people who once meant the world to us?
When our lives center around someone we love, it doesn’t just stop the minute you break up. When you’re passing by his favorite restaurant or the place in the park where she first told you she loved you; when you realize it’s his birthday or hear her favorite song on the radio, the memories will always linger.
However, these are memories you are forced to forget because you know, and everyone else knows, that you deserve better.
I believe that if you truly love someone, you will always harbor love for that person. It may be a different love than it was when you were together, but something will always be there. Maybe it’s simply just an ache that creeps across your body upon hearing his name.
We will never completely forget about a failed love, but that does not mean you won’t be happy again — you will.
Either way, this concept is inevitable. It’s the human condition to crave love and relationships. Every now and then we meet someone who may end up becoming a big part of our lives, and with this, we run the risk of ending up as strangers.
However, I think it will always be a risk worth taking. With every failed relationship comes a new lesson. They help us learn more about what we like, don’t like and what we are willing to accept.
They help us recognize the pain a broken heart can bring and the growth involved in healing it. They also teach us to appreciate how beautiful and vulnerable love can be, and hopefully, eventually, help us find that person who will make all that pain and uncertainty worth it.
Staying Is Settling: Why You Need To Move At Least 5 Times In Your Life
http://elitedaily.com/life/staying-settling-need-move-5-times-life/751829/
Time to leave now, get out of this room, go somewhere, anywhere, sharpen this feeling of happiness and freedom, stretch your limbs, fill your eyes, be awake, wider awake, vividly awake in every sense and every pore. – Stefan Zweig
Turn around, look at your life and decide right now if this moment, this place makes your pulse race and your heart bend. If there’s not a fluttering feeling in the deepest part of your soul, questioning and absorbing everything around you, get out right now.
If you feel comfortable, content and unchallenged… stand up and walk away. Make plans or don’t make plans, but whatever you do, leave this place and find somewhere new.
There’s a reason the word “leaving” sounds so nice. Like saying “see you later” instead of “goodbye,” it puts you at ease. It signifies a fresh start, a departure from the old and overrun. Because leaving is just the precursor to arriving, and there’s nothing better than a fresh start.
Whether it’s a new apartment or a new city, starting over isn’t about changing your scene, but the way you’re living in it. It’s about opening your eyes again, walking to the ledge and looking up, down and across, once again comprehending the vastness of life that sits openly waiting for you.
Life has a tendency to get stale. Like your favorite food, it loses its edge after a while, that special quality that made you love it so much in the first place. We, like the places we confine ourselves to, become as dull and boring as our surroundings.
New experiences are the reason we live. They are the reason we get up every day, the reason we carry on. While we enjoy comfort, we crave experience. The point of living is not to resign yourself to one part of life, but to continually redefine yourself. It’s to baptize yourself, over and over again, in new waters and new experiences.
You have your entire life to be comfortable, to sit in your house and bask in the familiarity of it. But right now, while you’re young and uncomfortable, keep going, keep challenging yourself. Keep making yourself uncomfortable. Because it’s only when we’re uncomfortable that we are growing and learning.
To truly understand yourself, your purpose and those around you, you must keep moving. You must move at least five times; five times to open your heart and dip your toes into something new, fresh and life changing.
1. To get away from what you know
Your first move is like taking flight for the first time. Like learning to fly, you realize the only thing stopping you from the world is yourself. You don’t have wings, you have legs, airplanes and trains. You have buses, cars and ocean liners. You have the world in front of you, with nothing but open sky and limitless possibilities.
But first you must leave the nest. You must say goodbye to everything you grew up with, the small world you once considered enough. You must unlatch yourself from the comforts of the familiar and place yourself in the middle of chaos.
This first move is the hardest. It’s the moment you willingly decide to be uncomfortable, scared and alone. It’s making the decision to become a foreigner, an outsider, a refugee. It’s abandoning everything you once cherished for the idea that there’s something better out there.
2. To find new experiences
The second move you make should be one of restlessness. You should be tired of the same flavors of your now comfortable surroundings. This move is about feeling again. It’s about accepting that you can’t possibly know everything, but you are going to try.
You are going to have experiences, adventures and an unforeseen future. You don’t know who you’ll meet, what you’ll find or how you’ll get there, but you will do it. You will jump into it blindly and openly.
You will make new friends, find new flavors and reignite that passion for life that came with your first move. You will not rest until your hungry soul is placated. You will leave your old friends for new ones, your first language for another and that idea that you’re home for that invigorating feeling of homesick.
3. To chase love
To chase love is to chase happinesses. It’s to decide that you will throw yourself into the swirling, maddening and restless chase we’re all trying to enter. Because love is the ultimate destination, is it not? It’s the reason we move, every day.
It’s the reason we get up and fight through the bad. It’s the reason we keep going, trudging on, meeting person after person. It’s the last goal, the final frontier and the only thing worth moving for.
If you think you’ve found it… in a person, a city, a job, you must move for it. If your dream job awaits in Spain, you must move there. If your heart yearns for the pink beaches of Bermuda, you must go there.
If you fall in love on the dunes of the Cape with a man you barely know, you must follow him. Chasing love is not irresponsible, it’s honest. It’s admitting that there is no greater chase, nothing more important. Because if you’re not chasing love, what are you running after?
4. To escape that love
Love isn’t infinite. It can be found in a moment, a single dose or a fleeting romance. It can be a year of perfect love with someone who isn’t supposed to stay in your life. It can be in beaches that bring you peace until your heart years for something new. It can be in the first bite of pasta and over with its last.
Love isn’t defined by its length but its capacity to touch you and change you. Just because it doesn’t last doesn’t mean it wasn’t real. You must leave for love but you also must realize when that love no longer remains.
You must be strong enough to walk away from finished love to find new love. You must flee the suffocation that comes from stifled love and keep your heart open for more.
You must never settle, never give in to the idea that you can’t have another one. Because the world is full of things to throw your heart into, things to make you weep and realize (yet again) why you’re alive.
5. To begin all over again
You must resist the confines of comfort. You must defy the idea of settled. You must never resign yourself to the ordinary or the easy. You must challenge tranquility for the promise of something greater.
To live is to be born and to continually live is to be reborn, again and again. As a new person, new lover, new friend, you must willingly evolve and transform into new versions of yourself.
You must never allow the new place you’ve created to become the final place. You must consistently defy the idea of comfort for the idea that you’ll never be fully satisfied unless you’re exploring, changing and moving
We Are Never, Ever Getting Back Together: 6 Reasons You Should Be Over Your Ex
http://elitedaily.com/dating/never-ever-getting-back-together-youre-better-alone/723198/
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: Relationships aren’t easy. As a very wise musician, Neil Sedaka, once sang, “Breaking up is hard to do.”
The decision to end a relationship may be easy for some, but for others, it’s a decision that takes a lot of time, internal mulling and external venting.
Once you make your decision, you may be immediately feeling regretful; after all, you spent a lot of time with this person.
He or she was your significant other; you were intimate and comfortable with this person. All of those things are not easily forgotten or left in the past.
In the end, however, you broke up for a reason. While you may be entertaining the idea of drunk texting this person at 2 am on a Saturday night and revealing how much you miss him or her, just don’t.
Here’s why:
1. It Ended For A Reason
You didn’t just break up with him or her out of the blue; there had to have been reasons. Nine times out of ten, the underlying problem didn’t disappear overnight.
Unless your ex has completely done a 360, don’t step backwards. Your relationship failed; don’t forget that reason when you’ve had a little too much to drink and you’re feeling lonely.
2. After The Honeymoon Phase Wears Off…
While you may have remembered all the good times you shared, replaying cute conversations in your head simply creates a façade that everything was perfect.
If that were the case, you would most likely still be together. If you did get back together, it would be great during that “honeymoon phase,” but after that, the original issues will resurface, leaving you confused and heartbroken… for a second time.
3. You Don’t Think You Can Do Better
You can and you will; it’s as simple as that. There are so many fish in the sea — it’s the oldest cliché in the book — and, yes, I’m throwing it at you because it’s true!
Once you’ve had enough time to get over your ex, explore your options. Let a friend set you up on a blind date, start swiping right on Tinder or just get someone’s phone number at the bar.
There isn’t just one person out there for all of us. There is the right person, at the right place and at the right time. Love is a tricky little thing.
4. If It Were Meant To Be, It Wouldn’t Be So Hard
One of my friends said this to me during one of many venting sessions, and it stuck with me. You shouldn’t have to work as hard in your relationship as you do at your full-time job.
I’m not telling you there won’t be bumps in the road, but overall, you should be happier more times than sad in your relationship. If you were feeling the latter, especially towards the end of your relationship, it won’t be better the second time around.
5. You Were Comfortable
Your significant other knew everything about you: your most ticklish spot, your favorite meal and exactly what you needed when you were hungover on a Sunday morning.
You may think you’ll never feel that comfortable with another person, but I promise you, it will happen. Most of us take time to open up to others, especially in our generation, where everyone is so quick to move on to the next best thing.
When the right person comes along, you’ll want him or her to know all of those things and more. In the beginning of a new relationship, you probably won’t be sharing your deepest secrets, be able to finish each other’s sentences or know exactly what your partner is thinking by just looking at his or her facial expression.
Eventually, you will get there with someone new.
6. The “L” Word
You loved your significant other. I get it; I’ve been there, too. However, if you’ve learned anything from reading articles like these, you know with each new relationship, you learn more about yourself and how you love in particular.
Falling in love isn’t just about the person; it’s about the timing. Timing is everything, just ask Ted Mosby. When you fall into that forever kind of love, you’ll know it.
I am a firm believer in the mantra, “Everything happens for a reason.” You learned from the pain, so don’t subject yourself to it a second time around. Leave the past in the past, and move forward. There are far better things ahead than anything we leave behind.
For Anyone Who Has Ever Suffered The Pain Of A Broken Heart: There Is Hope
http://elitedaily.com/dating/every-broken-heart-hang-hope/724445/
Take yourself back to when you were 16. You were a completely different person than you are today, right? As we grow up, we grow out of bands, bedrooms, haircuts, friendship and, more often than not, relationships.
What we felt as heartbreak back then, we now see as our first crush welcoming a two-week relationship with someone else. However, we soon realized it wasn’t as detrimental as we thought, and we managed to move on.
I’m not suggesting actual heartbreak is comparable to teenage unrequited love, so don’t think I am underestimating the impact it can have.
Real heartbreak can utterly obliterate an individual, chip away at his or her character and cause complete devastation. You are left with a kind of nothingness, as though you are holding your breath, but do not want to exhale because then it will be over.
Regardless of how much you want the pain to end, it is the only attachment you still have to the individual, so it can feel better to brave through it than lose it for good.
Heartbreak leaves your entire body empty and your mind completely consumed. You are incapable of shaking your ex from your thoughts and everything you do, say, see or hear minds you of him or her.
You hate your ex for leaving, yet long for him or her back. The absence of this person has created a hole no one will ever fill. Even if you fall for someone else in the future, it will be a different kind of love, of which will hold a different part of your heart.
We go on dates thinking this person could be “the one,” and without getting to know him or her, we are blinded by the illusion of love and fantasy of romance. Real love will break our hearts, hurt us, deflate and wreck our self-confidence. It’s something you won’t find in the movies.
However, just like your 16-year-old self, you will overcome this. You may feel as though you’re watching your life go by in fast forward with you stuck in pause, but you must keep moving.
It’s okay to cry; it doesn’t mean you’re weak. But when you do stop, do not cry again. Never go back to the person that hurt you and put you through this pain.
Once the trust has gone, it will never be the same, no matter how hard you try. You will always be suspicious and curious if this person was capable of doing it before.
This is the first and hardest part of letting go of the pain, but it will be the beautiful beginning to you moving on. If you’re giving love and not receiving it, you’re in the wrong relationship. If you’re receiving it and not giving it, you’re taking advantage of the other person.
Never pursue love with someone who takes you for granted because someone who is only half interested doesn’t deserve the whole you.
Similarly, don’t be reckless with someone’s emotions; if you’re going to invest the large amount of time that comes with long-term relationships, be passionate about it, and about him or her.
Love is a crazy thing. You crave it when you don’t have it, yet often miss the chance when you do.
Finding “the one” is probably the hardest challenge you’ll face in life. Just like life itself, the only way you’ll get it right is through trial and error.
It may take longer than you expect or wish, but never give up on yourself or finding it. Sure, there will be lots of Mr. Rights out there, but only one Mr. Perfect.
Be patient and never settle for someone for the sake of it, or because you want the relationship rather than the person. This will only result in more upset further down the line.
Finally, know that everyone is beautiful to someone. Just because he or she is not around at this instant, doesn’t mean that the person for you does not exist.
Your perfect match is out there; it’s just unfortunate that the more you try to find something, the harder it is to see.
To The Girl Who Replaced Me, Please Take Care Of Him
http://elitedaily.com/dating/letter-girl-replaced/707040/
Dear Replacement,
There are a few things I think you should know, as you are now the object of his affection.
Don’t let it surprise you, how quickly you fall for him, and don’t be apprehensive in letting yourself fall. He’ll be there to catch you. Don’t let my Facebook page intimidate you. There were a lot of pictures of us, and while I hate to admit it, the pictures are a thing of the past.
He’s taken down most of them by now. He may not talk about me to you; he didn’t talk to his friends about it when it ended, so I don’t know if they will know either. It was a beautiful, one-sided love story of the past, but you are his future now.
We don’t know each other, and I am sure you already don’t like me. I resented you slightly when I first found out, but we do have something very wonderful in common, and it connects us whether we like to admit it or not.
I won’t text him or like his posts on social media. I can’t tell you every secret because it took me time to figure that out myself. But just trust that there are reasons he doesn’t say what you want him to, and there are reasons he doesn’t do what you want.
He will spoil you from time to time, but he is wise with his expenses; he spends money only when he needs to. You are going notice how he gets excited like a child when it comes to certain things and learn to hear giggle in his laugh.
You’ll find out his favorite movie and he’ll make you sit through it; I know I couldn’t without falling asleep. You’ll notice how he loves watching movies and how he might do it more than going out.
You will see him out drunk and he’ll get mad sometimes. He has a temper, as I’m sure you have noticed, so don’t take it personally. When he storms off, let him go and trust he’ll always come back with a smile and his bright blue eyes that make you look away.
When he falls in love with you, let it not scare you when he cries because that’s the one thing that triggers those emotions in him. When he falls in love with you, you’ll notice you sleep better at night, and when it rains, his touch simply will vanish every fear.
When that happens, you’ll almost look forward to simple things, such as walks because he’ll reach for your hand and you’ll blush because no glove has ever fit it so well.
He’ll do whatever you ask of him and you’ll rarely fight. He doesn’t like advertising things like relationships and feelings, so don’t expect that of him, just know he does love you. He may not think of you at every moment, but you’ll cross his mind often enough.
He has bigger dreams than he is confident enough to believe in, so it’s your job to tell him every day how handsome he is and how smart he is and that he is capable of it all. He won’t believe you, but don’t stop saying it.
He’ll make you see the world in a new light, and you’ll start questioning things you never knew. He can’t cook, so don’t expect him to. You’ll find yourself laughing at his little catchphrases, and if you do something he doesn’t like, one eyebrow will raise and he’ll look at you without blinking.
When you two are out, he’ll watch you the whole time and it’ll seem like you are the only one in the room. When you dance, it’ll seem perfect. Let none of this scare you and love him the way he deserves. He’ll tell you about the past and his mistakes, so it’s your job to take his hand and let him know you’re not judging him.
He is a better person because of all of that, and he’s found you because of failed relationships in the past. I hope you love him the way he deserves and I hope he loves you as deeply as I thought he did me. I hope he’s honest with you in a way he never was with me, but most of all, I hope he gives you the fairytale I thought would once be my life.
Also: Remember that I don’t dislike you, but if I’m being honest, I am jealous of you. I have found acceptance, but I’m also happy someone else gets a chance to experience what I did.
I hope one day I can properly meet you. Like I said before, we have a connection that no one else can say they have and I’m sure you are a wonderful person. He looks at who a girl is first before falling in love with her appearance. It’s a rare quality in a man.
I only ask one thing of you: Don’t hurt him the way he hurt me. I believe in karma and I believe people get what they send out to the world, but I never wish that pain upon anyone, especially him. You are dating the man of our dreams and I truly mean it when I say I hope it all works out for you.
Sincerely, The Other Girl
A Letter To The Man Who Broke My Heart: I Came Out On Top
http://elitedaily.com/dating/sex/letter-to-man-who-destroyed-my-heart/729122/
I’ve had two magnificent loves in my life.
I felt as if love was the very liquid flowing through my veins: heart-racing, endless-butterflies, flushed-face, cheeks-hurt-from-smiling-so-much, couldn’t-wait-to-spend-every-waking-moment-with-him type sh*t.
You can probably guess where this is going. Neither one worked out, but the second one left me guessing whether I could ever recover from all the hurt and anguish he put me through. Most importantly, could I ever trust another man with my heart, body, mind and soul?
Even I felt as though I had to tiptoe around the shambles of my own heart; I was left to put everything back together. Before I could move forward with my life, I knew the first steps to moving on would be to forgive.
I’ve never said this openly to you, but now it’s time. To the man I thought you were:
You met me at such a vulnerable and fragile stage of my life, and you took full advantage of that. Just shy of 21, I thought I had found the love of my life.
You were everything I had always dreamed of and everything I thought I wanted. You were five years older than me, established, smart, handsome, funny, witty, skilled, so talented at your job and you could make me weak at the knees.
I’ll hand it to you; your facade was that of one who had clearly done this before. You had me in your hands like putty. Little did I know you would try to mold me into everything you needed me to be.
How naive I was to believe that someone like you could actually love me, wholeheartedly. It’s my own fault, and now on the verge of 26, I can take responsibility for what I failed to notice.
I guess you could say I did notice, just didn’t care to pay attention to all the red flags. You always wanted me to be something more, something your parents would approve of. Someone who resembled more of what your stature represented, almost like a social class.
I guess I should have listened to you when you said your mom wouldn’t approve of my tattoos, the very art I had engraved into my skin before I ever knew that you existed. Or maybe the times you told me to not do my hair a certain way because you didn’t like it.
How about the times you always gave me sh*t for dressing up nice, always assuming I was trying to impress someone? Did you ever think I was trying to look nice for you?
With all the guilt you carried around, I MUST be up to no good. All the simple things I enjoyed, you hated. I always wondered why I stayed with someone who so clearly didn’t like anything about me.
Then it clicked: I was convenient. I was an easy back up. Just tell her what she wants to hear, give her a little bit of hope, give her a little bit of rope and just real her back in when you need her.
Goddamn you, asshole, for making me feel so inadequate. I always made an excuse for your behavior. That is nobody’s fault but my own, but it is time you take responsibility for YOUR actions.
After all, if you had been the good boyfriend you claimed to be, I wouldn’t have had to make an excuses for your twisted, sick, and f*cked up choices.
Of course, you were always so talented at turning everything around and making me the bad guy. “I told you I didn’t want to be in a relationship … it’s not my fault if you get hurt. We aren’t together.” Oh we aren’t? I’m sorry, I must have you confused with the guy who has me over every night and day.
I come home, cook, clean, take care of the house and dog, do your laundry, fall asleep and wake up next to you every day. I’d catch you in a lie, or online dating sites, or going on dates on Valentine’s Day, or how about that late dinner on NYE that wasn’t with me?
Yet, if I dare talked to anyone, showed interest in anyone, I was the piece of sh*t. Wait a second … didn’t you say we weren’t together? I should be free to talk to whomever I want, right?
Do you even have any idea what I told these people who tried to date me? That I was still in love with someone, and I wanted to see it through the end until he clearly looked me in the eye and I knew it was over for good.
What hurt the most is when I would build up all this courage to finally say that I was done with feeling this way. That you no longer were going to have so much control over me, and that I no longer wanted to be with someone who couldn’t treat me the way I deserved.
Here you come with a sad face, making your eyes well up, telling me you don’t know why you continue to hurt the one person who has loved you for the last three years. You got me … back to square one. He’ll change, things will be different, I know he loves me. He almost cried…
So here we are. I have forgiven you, and have forgiven myself, but that doesn’t mean I still don’t get angry for all the times you made me feel so worthless.
While you never directly said it, I always knew it was implied. It’s my fault for sticking around, and it’s my fault for not listening to everything you were saying. Nobody ever said I was perfect, and lord knows I am flawed to the bone. My weakness isn’t really a weakness, it’s more of a strength. I love with all my heart, through thick and thin.
I give it all I got, and I was not the one who quit. No matter what you did, I still loved with you. It’s just a crying shame that you gave up on me. You doubted my abilities and you were ashamed. Yet, I never once said I was ashamed of you and all your flaws.
I learned to love my solitude, and I learned to love every single part of me. I enjoy not being a perfect specimen of a human being. I embody true beauty. I may be an emotionally f*cked up individual, but damn, am I strong. Anyone who has had to endure three years of your bullsh*t deserves an award.
So thank you, thanks for helping me realize just how badass I am. I’m living a fabulous life.
By the way, I heard you got married, cheers to that! I wish you nothing but happiness. I can genuinely say that because when you really love someone or in my case (loved) someone, regardless of what they’ve done to you, you do want the best for him.
My heart doesn’t have room for hate, it’s too full of love for the ones who care about me.
Sincerely,
Little Kid
my dream photoshoot (soon..)
wow! mowdel lang ang peg!
plan:
motorbike: sponsored by Ken’s brother or Cora’s boyfriend
photos: Joey
hair & make up: photographer’s team
#dreambig #walangbasaganngtrip
kumpleto na. abs ko na lang ang kulang!
*****photos courtesy of http://blog.leatherup.com/2012/05/29/photos-and-videos-biker-girl-of-the-week-gas-station-girl-sexy-harley-davidson-ads-with-supermodel-marisa-miller/
signs your’re still in love with your ex (excerpt)
source:
http://www.bustle.com/#/articles/21534-6-signs-youre-still-in-love-with-your-ex/image/76687
After the end of a relationship, it’s totally normal to feel depressed and to think that you’ll never find anyone you like or love as much. There may be days, weeks, or months in which you listen to Adele’s “Someone Like You” on repeat and sleep with a sweater that still smells like your old flame.
But what if these thoughts and feelings become overwhelming? At a certain point, you have to ask yourself: Am I still in love with him or her? Instead of tossing and turning all night trying to figure it out, check out our list of six ways to know when you’re definitely not over your ex.
Note: None of these items is a sign that you’ll never get over him or her or that you should try to get back together. The topic is complicated, so make sure to talk out your feelings with a friend or therapist before making any decisions.
1. It’s been a long time, and you’re still thinking about him or her
You’ve likely heard someone say that it takes about half the time the relationship lasted to recover from the breakup (and some psychologists actually support that idea). But the truth is, the time it takes to get over an ex depends on a few factors, including the intensity of the relationship and your role in it. In general, though, if it’s been years since the end of a six-month relationship and you still feel attached to your ex, you might want to seek professional help.
2. People are sick of hearing you talk about him or her
It’s unrealistic to think that, after a breakup, you’re never going to think or speak about your former partner ever again. But if you’re constantly finding reasons to mention his or her name and the experiences you shared, it’s a sign that you probably aren’t over your ex, according to Lancaster, Pennsylvania-based marriage and family therapist Joan Sherman, L.M.F.T. Since it can be hard to gauge how much you talk about your ex, go by what friends, family, and even new romantic partners say. If they think it’s a problem, it probably is.
3. You’ve been in romantic relationships with other people but still feel bound to him or her
Research suggests that starting a new relationship with a new person (when you’re ready) can help you get over a breakup. If you find that you’re having trouble with this new relationship because you’re constantly comparing your current partner to your old one, it could indicate that you’re still attached, Sherman says. Similarly, Sherman adds, “If you start to feel feelings for somebody, and then you squash them because it gets too scary,” that could also be a sign that you’re hanging on to your ex.
4. Your ex is the first person you think of when you’re upset
When you date someone for a while, you start to rely on him or her for emotional support. After you break up, you have to find new sources of that same kind of care.
According to relationships researcher Samantha Joel, “the main telltale sign that someone is still attached to their ex is how readily their ex enters their mind when they are anxious or upset.” In other words, if after a bad day at work all you want to do is call your ex and vent (even though your mom and your BFF are first and second on speed dial), it might be an indication that you still have feelings for him or her.
5. You can’t see anything negative in the relationship
Even the healthiest relationship is bound to have some weak points. One way to know if you’ve started to get over an ex is if you’re able to evaluate the relationship realistically. That means recognizing its positive as well as negative qualities.
Says Sherman, “If you’re not willing to look at how that relationship helped you and also didn’t help you … then that’s a little bit of a question for me.” In fact, one study found that people who were able to think something negative about their partner a month after breaking up were more likely to have an easier time adjusting to the end of a relationship.
6. You’re really busy, and you still feel like something’s missing
When you’re grieving the end of a relationship, keeping active and working toward new goals is crucial, says psychologist Kelly McGonigal, Ph.D. It’s not that you want to completely distract yourself from your negative feelings, but having too much time on your hands can make it harder to remember that there are other parts of life you actually enjoy. If your calendar is filled with training for a half marathon, happy hours with pals, and volunteering at your local soup kitchen and you’re still pining for your ex, your feelings might be stronger than you’re willing to admit
8 Things You Learn About Yourself While Dating Someone New (an excerpt)
We all love the feeling: the electric, often sickening feeling of liking and getting to know someone new.
It’s those early stages of a budding relationship when you get nervous before dates, carefully ask new questions and strategically plan your next moves (like when to send that dreaded first text).
What might be the most fascinating part about all of this, however, is what you learn about yourself in the process. Getting to know someone else forces you to take a look at yourself — maybe a closer look than you’ve had in a really long time. This can be refreshing, but it can also be a shocking wake-up call.
Here are 8 things dating new people teaches you about yourself:
1. Your Deal Breakers
We all have a list — long or short — of deal breakers: habits, quirks, behaviors or tendencies that automatically slam the brakes on a potential relationship.
Maybe it has to do with political affiliations, religion or whether he or she is okay with you eating peanut butter straight from the jar, or not. You’ll learn pretty quickly what’s most important to you and what you can put up with.
2. What You Like About Yourself
There’s nothing like those awkward, first date conversations to boost your confidence. As tedious as it might feel to explain essentially all the highlights of your life to someone new, it usually helps to remind you that in the grand scheme of things, you’re doing alright.
Be it your record collection, the way you look wearing high-waisted jeans or your fast-paced career in advertising, dating brings the things you deserve to be proud of to the forefront.
3. What You’ve Been Hiding
On the other end of the spectrum, dating also tends to reveal some things about yourself that maybe you’re not so proud of. Everyone harbors thoughts and secrets that are best kept to themselves, but when you’re dating someone new, it’s sort of like a reset button.
You realize how silly some of the things are that you guard, and the importance of keeping other things tucked away safe.
4. Quirks You’ve Never Noticed Before
Sometimes it takes a new person entering your life for you to realize that you twirl your hair when you’re talking or that you blow bubbles with your gum during awkward silences.
Quirks are cute and usually pretty harmless. Make sure you’re dating someone who is cool with your need to kick a rock down the sidewalk or have all your dollar bills facing the same direction.
5. How You Spend Your Time
When someone new enters your life, it can throw a wrench (in a good or bad way) into your daily routines and schedule. It’ll force you to stop and consider how you spend that priceless free time.
Maybe the person you’re dating will integrate seamlessly into your lifestyle, or maybe you’ll have to shuffle some things around; either way, you’ll have to prioritize.
6. Sacrifices You’re Willing and Not Willing to Make
Speaking of priorities, spending time with another person will force you to examine what’s really important to you. If you like the person, chances are you’re willing to give up watching every episode of “The Bachelor” in order to spend time with him or her.
Acknowledge the things and elements that were present in your single life that you’re not willing to give up while dating. Stand by those and don’t loosen your grasp; anyone who doesn’t respect that is not worth your time, anyway.
7. Trends In Your Dating Life
Maybe you’re a sucker for the clean-cut J.Crew type, or you always fall for a sleeve full of tats. No matter what floats your boat, once you’re back in the dating world, you begin to realize the types of people you attract and are attracted to.
Own it, accept it, learn from your past and use this knowledge to hone in on someone who fits you, not your type.
8. What Matters For Your Future
Talking about individual goals, plans and ideas with someone new either reaffirms or makes you question what you want for yourself down the road.
Don’t be afraid to let someone else challenge or question your ideas for the future; just make sure you don’t compromise your goals for someone who doesn’t see value in them.
Living with Your Ex (an excerpt)
When I moved to San Francisco in 2007, I knew it wouldn’t be cheap. Ever since I’ve been conscious of phrases like “cost of living” and “quality of life,” I’ve understood that this is an expensive city. But I had been living in Los Angeles and was coming up here for research on a novel that I was writing, and I fell head over heels in love with the city. There was no going back. So I found a job, packed up, and took some crappy apartment in the Lower Haight that pushed the boundary of my nonprofit salary. The place was beyond gross. There was cat food stuck in the old, dingy carpets. Human feces often greeted me at the front gate when I left for work in the mornings. Instead of borrowing things like eggs and sugar, my drug addict neighbors borrowed strips of aluminum foil and small Band-Aids that could fit in between toes.
But I was glad to be here, and in 2010 things started to look up for my living situation when my boyfriend and I decided to move in together. He made a great salary, and combined with my paltry one we’d be able to build that San Francisco home I’d been looking for. We found a place just before this latest boom: a beautiful flat in an old Victorian with two bedrooms, pristine wood floors, a fireplace, and a kitchen bigger than my Lower Haight apartment. Once again, it pushed the limits of my budget, but it was time I had something nice. I was ready to sit squarely on the three-legged stool of life – with a job I liked, a partner I loved, and a house that could easily become a home.
And then, of course, life reminded me who was boss. Less than a year in, my boyfriend and I broke up – right around the start of this latest rental crisis. I was now a recently single nonprofit employee with no savings who had to think about competing with wealthy techies (including my ex) for apartments. The rent on that crack den apartment I rented in 2007 was already 50 percent higher. There was no way I could move, and our landlords made it clear they wanted a couple living in our current place. A one-legged stool is really scary to sit on.
This all sucked even harder because I had finally found a home. I was one of those kids who got passed around a lot. Though there were lots of different houses in the small Texas hick towns I grew up in, a steady, solid home was hard to come by. Fortunately, as I became an adult, I realized home is more about choice than circumstance, and how you make that choice depends on what is important to you.
Except for some occasional bickering, my boyfriend and I lived pretty well together. Our issue? The sex was as abysmal as that Lower Haight apartment. The love was there, the mutual respect was there, even the we’re-best-friends-as-well-as-lovers was there. The mad attraction to each other’s bodies was missing, though, even from the get-go.
I think we had both hoped that we’d figure it out over time, that unlike most relationships where the sex is great in the beginning and then wanes over time, we were the lucky ones who would grow in the opposite direction. With enough time, patience, and exploration, we thought we’d totally get “gettin’ down” down. But we didn’t. We even blew our savings on a romantic trip to the Greek islands where we slept chastely each night in full pajamas. It was time to call it quits, which was going to ruin everything.
So, like others having to deal with San Francisco’s rental crisis, I had to get creative. I wondered, did breaking up really have to mean living apart? We were fantastic roommates and looked out for each other; why did that have to end because we weren’t having sex? Then again, was I totally oversimplifying our situation in order to make things easier for me? Probably. But fortunately we had the foresight to get a two-bedroom place, so continuing to cohabitate was worth a shot. I convinced my ex to give living as roommates a try, and I moved into the guest room.
I’m not going to lie and say that moving down the hall was a party. No, it was awful and depressing as hell. That first night, I slept alone for the first time in ages and played through all my failed relationships, scared that I’d end up a spinster. But I could hear my ex snoring in the other room. The same snores that were totally annoying when I was next to him in bed became strangely comforting, reminding me that I wasn’t alone. The next day, we went and bought a grill together, a testament to our intention to make this living arrangement work – of course, as we were putting it together, one of us (I won’t say who) broke down in sobs.
People thought I was crazy. When you break up, you move out. That’s the tried and true formula for this situation; that’s how you move on. Other people thought that it must be some strange homosexual thing they just couldn’t possibly understand. Just gays being all gay again.
Over time, living together became less sad and sleeping apart became easier. Although we didn’t start out completely mature and positive about things, we were there for each other as we dealt with our breakup, and we struggled to find a way to redefine our relationship. There aren’t any manuals for rooming with your ex, so it took a lot of negotiation and a lot of hurt feelings, but we tackled each topic as it came up. We had to discuss stuff like, When are hugs OK? How does dinner work now that I’m not responsible for feeding you? And of course the big one – what happens when one of us wants to start dating again or brings other people home?
My ex and I are a year into this arrangement, and some of these questions we’ve successfully figured out. Others, especially that last one, we’re still working on. We’ve both had our one-night stands, but no significant relationships yet, so we’ll work on that part when we get there.
Early into this arrangement, we tried to have sex again, just to make sure we’d made the right decision about breaking up. Five minutes in, we both agreed that we’d definitely made the right decision, shook hands, and called it a day. But somehow, through all of this, we’ve moved into something even stronger than friendship. We’ve become family. When he gets stood up, I make him dinner. When I write articles about our breakup, he proofreads.
I’m well aware that this arrangement can’t last forever – one of us is going to want to move in with someone else at some point. And I still struggle with how to come out to potential dating prospects that I still live with my ex. But for now, I have that home I’ve been looking for, a place that offers warmth and comfort with rent I can afford in a city that I love. I also have a roommate who is a great friend, who has seen me at my worst and still has my back. I may not have the romantic partner, and that three-legged life stool might not be so sturdy, but two legs is a hell of a lot easier to balance than one.
rebound!
http://www.wikihow.com/Have-a-Rebound-Relationship
1. You MUST judge your new partner as a whole person, not in contrast to your ex. After breaking up, we tend to feel the sting of our ex’s negative attributes more strongly than ever, and there’s the temptation to look for the absence or opposite of those attributes in a new partner. That’s fine, since learning from past relationships is a healthy thing, but it’s also possible that in seeking your ex’s opposite, you forget about your ex’s positive attributes and overlook their absence in your new partner, because you’re so excited the “He won’t be jealous like my ex was” or “She won’t be needy like my ex was” and so on.
In deciding whether to pursue a rebound relationship, focus on the positives of your past relationship(s) as well as the negatives. Learn from both. It may be more difficult to dwell on the positives because it might make you feel nostalgic, but those are the things you’ll miss once the excitement of the rebound effect has passed. You need to make sure those things are there in order for the rebound relationship to survive.
• Example: Jake and Lisa break up, and one of the main reasons was because Jake was financially irresponsible and it was something they constantly argued over. Shortly afterwards, Lisa meets Tim, who budgets his money, pays himself first, and is saving for retirement. Lisa’s thrilled, because she’s learned that being able to see eye to eye on money matters is critical for a relationship. She’s sure that money would never be an issue between her and Tim, and in focusing on this she doesn’t notice that Tim is indifferent towards her painting career, whereas Jake was supportive and even inspiring at times. She jumps into a relationship with Tim and finds, after some time, that Tim thinks her painting is a frivolous waste of time, and doesn’t want her to spend money on art supplies because that money could be put in a mutual fund, and so on and so forth.
• If it was clear your prospective reboundee was really into you long before you broke up, consider the possibility that s/he is only attracted to people who are emotionally unavailable (and thus will lose interest in you once you fall in love with him/her). S/he probably also has no regard for other people’s feelings (namely your ex’s) if s/he was hitting on you while you were involved with someone else. Would you really want to invest in a relationship with someone who overtly pursues relationships with men or women involved in committed relationships? If you don’t think it would work out in the long-run, don’t waste your time just because you feel lonely and someone is obviously interested.
Get feedback from people you trust. Remember that your judgment is likely to be clouded after a breakup, so if you can rely on the recommendations of good friends who have known your prospective reboundee for a long time, you will be more likely to choose a partner you are going to be compatible with.
Tell your new partner that your old relationship is OVER. And mean it. Emphasize that the breakup is final, you believe it is for the best, and you are ready to move on. This may save you weeks of confusion, and the potential distrust that could build up if your prospective reboundee thought you were pursuing him/her while in a committed relationship, or even in a relationship that was still salvageable. If you have any doubts about your break up, about whether you would take him or her back, then do not pursue a rebound relationship. You might still have feelings for your ex, and maybe you always will, but there comes a point where you know it’s over.
• How to Follow Your Intuition – Listen for your “inner voice” to tell you when you’re ready to move on.
• How to Get Closure – For if you have “unfinished business” with your ex.
1. Be respectful and discreet when talking about your ex. This is difficult to do, because most people are obsessed with their ex after a breakup and want nothing more than to talk trash (or in some cases highly) about him/her. Also, you are extremely likely to come across as angry and resentful, or broody and obsessive, which would (and should) scare a quality prospective reboundee off. Find a therapist and trusted friends to complain to instead.
• If your prospective reboundee asks why you broke up, tell him/her that you decided your ex was not right for you, or that you had differences you could not resolve. If prodded further, explain that it is still painful to talk about, but you feel like it is for the best, and you would be happy to talk about it later once you’ve had a little more time to process everything.
• If your reboundee presses you about your feelings about your ex, be honest and admit that it may take some time to lose those lingering feelings of attachment (this shows you have a heart), but reassure him/her that you feel confident that it will happen (and perhaps is happening already). If you want to really reassure your reboundee, tell him/her that you would never consider dating your ex again, even if you were single. Emphasize the ways you and your reboundee are compatible. Of utmost importance, remind your reboundee that you are making (and are committed to maintaining) a clean break with your ex (or mutually agreed upon boundaries if there is shared custody of children).
1. Realize that you will have a tendency to dive in faster than usual, while she/he will have the tendency to hold back more than usual. Meet him/her half way by taking things as slow as you and your reboundee can stand to, while still building your romantic relationship. Drop little hints on a frequent basis that you are interested in both a close friendship, and a romantic relationship. Be open to (and pursue when appropriate) opportunities to get to know each other better, but also make sure to spend time apart (this will give you more time to get over your ex, and will allow your reboundee to appreciate you more and feel safer going forward–see the next step).
• If your prospective reboundee is an old friend who really likes you, s/he will probably take a few weeks to observe you and make sure s/he is not going to get his/her heart broken, then s/he’ll grow impatient, fear losing this opportunity that s/he has been waiting so long for, and throw caution to the wind by letting you know s/he is interested by some means or another. Be patient, enjoy the crush and anticipation, but don’t continue to excuse what seems like your prospective reboundee’s lack of interest after a month or two has gone by without anything more than a sympathetic or friendly gesture on his/her part. Once you’ve allowed yourself to realize that the interest is probably not mutual, choose another safe prospective reboundee to pursue, or invest more in your platonic friendships until better romantic prospects come your way.
Use the time you have by yourself to take personal responsibility for your part in the dissolution of your past relationship, and work toward developing qualities and skills that will help you to be a better partner. For example, if your ex complained that you never listened to him/her. Practice what you’ve learned with your prospective reboundee. Whether you tell your reboundee about your self-improvement efforts, or simply show him/her through your words and actions, s/he is likely to conclude that you are someone who is willing to put in the work that is necessary for sustaining a long-term relationship. This will go a long ways toward alleviating his/her fears about getting involved with someone who recently experienced a breakup or divorce.
I miss the times n I’ll text him during my breaks just to tell him how upset I was with the customer, coachings, calibs and other discussions in the office. Kahit hindi sya magreply, I’ll be looking forward to the time na susunduin nya ko kasi we’ll discuss it on our way home. Just like what my officemate told me yesterday “hindi ka na nagmamadali ngaun? Nag-OT kna? Dati kasi 1minute before end ng shift ready kna kahit 1hour kpa maghihintay sa baba”
Eversince he transferred accounts kasi hindi na ko maka-relate sa mga kinukwento nya. We were from the same function before he transferred companies. Now, he’s an online training manager. More of tech support for Barclays online. Pero agent level. Sometimes I’ll just say ‘yes’ whenever he asked me if naiintindihan ko yung kwento nya about what they do sa office, about issues ng clients nya.. Just like when he tried to teach me how to play magic cards. I really can’t follow his instructions. Maybe because I’m just not really into it.
When I went to their office last may 14, I remember people saying ‘ewan ko ba jan kay jolo.. wala naman promotion pero pabibo! Mas pagod pa nga sya kesa sa tl namin!’
I always tell him “yes, do what you think is right. Have the initiative. Pero don’t claim other tasks na hindi naman inassign sayo. Kung wala POC, go. Pero pag na-assign na sa iba.. wag mo na pakielaman. Kasi iisipin ng mga tao nagmamagaling ka. When they ask for your opinion or assistance, go. Ask them if they need help pero don’t make them feel na ikaw lang ang tama.” I don’t know if he followed my advise. I may not always be right. But I just want him to realize na hindi lahat ng alam ko or alam nya eh applicable sa lahat ng scenarios.. or hindi lahat ng alam namin is tama. Yun lang.
Nasaktan ako noon and nasasaktan pa rin ako ngayon everytime meron ako naririnig na nagcocomment ng negative about sa kanya. I shouldn’t care. Especially now, after all he did.
I just wish him well. Wish na no one would hurt him, kasi if malalaman ko yun.. mas masasaktan ako. Sabi nga ni momy, “siguro kaya gumawa na ng way si God na maghiwalay kayo kasi lahat kinalimutan mo para sa kanya.. lahat, kahit kami na pamilya mo, pati anak mo. Pati nga yata and Dyos kinalimutan mo na kasi ganun din sya..”
3-month rule
He was big on this “3-month-rule” thing.
The 3-month rule simply implies that you have to give each other three months before entering into a new relationship, not only as a sign of respect especially if the break-up was not a mutual one but also for both parties to heal and think it over. Three months might not be enough to heal the pain not to mention to fully move on, but it’s part of the healing process.
I remember this one time, when we were having this conversation about his ex on our way to QC. He was driving then so I can’t see his facial expression. It was one of the few instances that he’d open up about her. We talked about her after I saw it in my FB notifications that she liked my recent post. (yes, friends kami sa FB then).
Jolo: “grabe lang talaga.. alam ba nya yung 3-month rule? Hindi man lang nya na-consider yun after naming mag-break!”
Me: “bakit mo naman maiisip na icoconsider pa nya yung 3-month rule? Alam mo naman na kahit nun bago pa lang kayo di naman sya nawawalan ng manliligaw di ba? Sabi nya sakin before kahit nun kayo pa, meron sya ibang guys na ineentertain. Ewan ko lang if she meant na meron sya iba boyfriend. Namention mo din sakin na minsan dumadating ka sa bahay nila na meron ibang lalake.. na tumatanggap sya ng suitors kahit nun kayo na”
Jolo: “kahit na. out of respect na lang di ba? Ipapakita mo na kagad sa ibang tao and sa friends mo yung bago mo boyfriend less than a month after nyo mag-break? Parang sa movie lang na one more chance. Pero beh.. wag naman sana.. pero if tayo yung magbe-break.. sana hindi tayo ganun.. kasi never naman tayo nagbastusan di ba..?”
Me: “ako alam ko na hindi ako ganun.. ikaw ewan ko na lang..”
Now.. as I check on the calendar, tomorrow marks the 3rd month after he broke up with me. why would I even think na he would consider that.. eh hindi pa nga kami nagbe-break, he was seen by my friends na may kasamang ibang babae. A few days after naming magbreak, as in less than a week pa lang, he was seen in resorts world na kahalikan yung babae nya!
I really did expect too much from him.. too much of him. I had high hopes, high respect. But in an instant.. I can’t feel it anymore..
terrified (Katharine McPhee)
You by the light is the greatest find
In a world full of wrong you’re the thing that’s right
Finally made it through the lonely to the other side
You set it again, my heart’s in motion
Every word feels like a shooting star
I’m at the edge of my emotions
Watching the shadows burning in the dark,
And I’m in love and I’m terrified.
For the first time and the last time
In my only life.
And this could be good, it’s already better than that
And nothing’s worse than knowing you’re holding back
I could be all that you’re needing if you let me try
You set it again, my heart’s in motion
Every word feels like a shooting star
I’m at the edge of my emotions
Watching the shadows burning in the dark
And I’m in love and I’m terrified
For the first time and the last time
In my only
I only said it ’cause I mean it
I only mean it ’cause it’s true
So don’t you doubt what I’ve been dreaming
‘Cause it fills me up and holds me close
Whenever I’m without you
You set it again, my heart’s in motion
Every word feels like a shooting star
Watching the shadows burning in the dark
And I’m in love and I’m terrified
For the first time and the last time
In my only life, life, life
In my only life
my seatmate said.. “what if.. on your way home.. right outside the office/building.. jolo was on his knees, crying.. asking for your forgiveness?”
“i already have forgiven him.”
“what if he knelt on one knee.. then asked you to marry him?“
it made me think. it was raining hard outside.
i remember the last time we saw each other, just a month ago..
then i said, “i know it wouldn’t happen. but thank you for making me think of him and my dreams before.. comment na nga lang pala sa kanya yun.”
then i smiled and just got back to my monitor.
yung feeling na ayaw mo mag-trust sa ibang tao dahil baka katulad din sya nun huli.. i know it’s too early to tell.. ganito din kami noon. difference lang is walang ex na umaaligid. what if he’s different. what if he’s not like my ex?
but then again.. what if ganun din pala?
How Pain from the Past Can Be a Gift in the Present
an excerpt from:
http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-pain-from-the-past-can-be-a-gift-in-the-present/
“When something bad happens you have three choices. You can let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you.” ~Unknown
Don’t hate your past. No matter what it contained or what it did to you, the past shapes who you are, not just for the things you felt damaged you but for the lessons you can take from it.
I love working with the people I call the world shakers. They’re the people who want to make a difference in the world so that they leave it in a slightly better way than they found it.I love these types of people because they’re so driven by their heart and passion for others. They’re kind. They value people.
You know what else these people have in common? They have empathy for others and a desire to make the world a better place. Not in a showy, “give me the Nobel Peace Prize” kind of way (although a bit more showy-ness wouldn’t go amiss!) but in a gentle, modest way.
Do you know what really amazes and inspires me about world shakers? They’ve had their own hurts, challenges, and heartbreaks but instead of letting those things harden them and make them brittle, they’ve allowed themselves to stay open and vulnerable.
They’ve taken those things that have wounded, battered, and pierced them and transformed the experiences into fierce empathy for others.
They can’t walk past the person who’s struggling because they know how it feels to struggle. They have a way of recognizing the human condition in all of us.
They turn it outward and use it as a learning experience, one that enhances their ability to empathize and drives their conviction to change things for others.
It could be the mother who refuses to pass on the cycle of abuse she experienced to her own kids, or the teacher who bans the world “stupid” from her classroom because she can remember how much it crippled her to hear it as a child.
It could be the man who gives coffee to the homeless guy every day because he can knows what it’s like to feel like no one cares about you, or the recovering addict who works with troubled teens to try and save them the pain of his experiences.
World shaking is often driven by a need to make things better because of the pain we’ve suffered ourselves.
Still, I still have to catch myself when I bemoan the things that have happened to me over the years. Like everyone, I’ve had my share of unpleasant, difficult, and down right heart breaking experiences.
For the longest time I was angry at the world because I’d experienced them. I hated the mistakes I made. I berated myself for my screw-ups and stupid choices. I felt defined by them—embarrassed and soiled—like I should be wearing a T-Shirt with the words “Damaged Goods” on it.
One day, a very wise person said these words to me:
Everything that has ever happened to you is the perfect preparation for the person you’re destined to become.
And everything flipped.
Those things that I had regretted so much had shaped me. What’s more, I had a choice in it. I had inadvertently used those things that had happened to me as things that drove me forward. Many of the things I’d become interested in, my passions, and my values were driven by those very experiences.
I’m a passionate advocate for reducing the stigma associated with mental health issues, and I started my whole journey of learning about personal development and emotional resilience because of my own battles with stress-related illness.
I help people find joy, passion, and a sense of purpose at work and that’s undoubtedly because I spent so many years in jobs that didn’t suit or that where I didn’t feel I was making a difference.
I’ve also struggled in jobs that really did suit me because I didn’t know how to handle the stresses and challenges our work can bring. I didn’t understand the importance of asking for help, having strong support networks, actively managing stress, and making sure I wasn’t mentally giving myself a hard time too often.
Having to take a break due to burn out and stress felt horrible at the time it happened to me. But during that time out I studied, trained, and read—a lot!
I realized that resilience is a practice, not some innate skill that you either have or you don’t. I learned how to develop my own resilience and that made me immensely driven to help others do it, too.
My dark times also forged my sense of empathy, a key skill I bring to my work. If I’d had the “charmed” life I’d originally wanted, would this have been the case? Somehow I doubt it.
All of the lessons I’ve learned led to wisdom that can only be gained through experiencing life’s ups and downs.
Hard lessons learned are deep lessons. They shape us. Most of us are familiar with the term post-traumatic stress, but did you know there is also a phenomenon called post-traumatic growth?
It’s the ability to grow through adversity—to come out the other end stronger, clearer, and with a renewed zest for life.
I think that’s what many of us fail to recognize in ourselves, that those dark times, far from diminishing us, can give us the most profound of gifts—the gift of recognizing human life in all its messy, painful, courageous glory.
We can take those gifts and use them to be a beacon to others to say, “It’s okay. I’ve been there. This too will pass.”
And that surely is a real gift worth giving.
don’t say goodbye, say goodnight..
This is the last time.
I just wanted to tell you I’m saying goodbye. To you and the friends we share.
For the past few days, I’ve actually been doing fine without you. I didn’t think about you AT ALL. I forgot about you. I don’t even cry now. Probably just once or twice, and it was just a single tear. Our break up fucked me up, worse than when Manny and I broke up. Hell, I saw my best friend for the first time in how many years, and the first thing she told me was, “What the hell happened to you? He messed you up. I’ve never seen you like this before. You used to be so sweet and believed in love like a hopeless romantic. Now… there’s no other way to describe it.”
I think it’s because you gave me hope. You made me hope. After Manny, I didn’t think I could find another love because I thought he was “the one.” With you? I didn’t know if you were the one. But you made me feel safe. Unlike him, I wasn’t stupid with my emotions. I was careful with you, I did everything right, I made sure my feelings were real. And most of all, I trusted you. That’s why you leaving me was so hard – it was different. It was a hopeful love, an innocent love, a secure and safe love. Not the crazy, passionate, impulsive, risky love with him.
You told me to be apathetic, to date other guys. I did just that.
I didn’t fuck. I drowned myself in parties, in alcohol/beer, in so many SUPER WASTED nights (you know I don’t drink) – that in the end I realized I DIDN’T KNOW MYSELF ANYMORE. Everything was a blur. It just felt good to enjoy and get lost in the moments, even though it always ended as soon as the parties stopped. Then i realized, I’m done breaking myself. I’m done trying to move on from you.
I met a guy. He made me laugh. I didn’t fall in love with him, of course, and we’re not in a relationship – but he made me laugh. It felt good to know that even though my heart was almost as cold as ice like yours is, it was still possible for someone to make me laugh. I kind of felt hopeless after being with so many people and not feeling anything – but he made me laugh. And that’s enough.
I thought about you again for the first time in a long time. But I wasn’t sad. I remembered the happy memories – the way you’d smile at me when you’d hold my face, the way you tease me about the mole in my toe, or when you stopped in the middle of sex just to look me in the eye and softly say, “Hey. I love you.”
Most of all that… look. That smile. You always had this expression on your face when you’d look at me without saying anything. Even when we were just talking on line or wechat, it was there. Silent and smiling, you’d look at me with such gentle love and affection in your eyes. I was never afraid of anything, of being vulnerable, when you give me that look. Safe. You made me feel safe.
But a few days after that it changed. I remembered how you looked on our last day together. Before you left when you said ‘bye’ for the first time since I met you.. You looked at me and there was this expression on your face – like you wanted to say something, say goodbye, say you love me one last time. But you didn’t. It was the saddest look you’ve ever given me, and I think that’s the memory of you that I will never ever forget.
I cooked for you, I washed your underwear (a few times, especially when you forgot all about it when you went to australia), i’ve created scrapbooks, I’ve written you letters.. things i’ve never done to any of my ex boyfriends, not even Gabu’s father.. I think when I remembered that, that’s when the pang hit my chest. I felt hurt again.
You were supposed to be in love with me. You said you LOVED me. And you left me because you couldn’t come back, yet you found someone new.. and worse.. you found her months before you broke up with me.. you told me you love me more than her.. but you chose to be with her.. I deserved better than that.
I still write about you. I’ve been writing about you this entire time, even until today my posts are usually about you. But I don’t need you to read my blog anymore. Now, I write because I write. I don’t write because I want you to hear me. I no longer need you to listen.
I am being honest and telling you all this because it’s who I am. But do not mistake this letter as a sign of weakness. This is not for your benefit. This time, I’m writing for me.
I don’t even know if you read all of this. I don’t expect anything from you. I know you. Your heart is empty, and cold, and apathetic. And you probably never felt a thing those months before we broke up, and I think you don’t even give a shit right now. Emotionless and indifferent, as usual. Unfeeling.
It hurts to see you happy without me. You treated me as if I were dead. As if I were a stranger. My best friends say that you’re an asshole. I told them you were a good person with a kind heart. They still said you were an asshole for the way you handled our break-up, and that I should stop making excuses for you.
I know, it’s selfish of me doing this. But I can’t. You were always SO MUCH BETTER THAN ME in killing your emotions, so that’s why I have to do this. Because I’m not as strong as you. Because I found out I still love you. And now I know that you didn’t love me. That it wasn’t real. It hurts, there’s a tiny prick in my chest when I’m reminded of you happy without me in your life at all. And I don’t want to wait until that tiny pain I feel grows bigger.
And I’m okay. I’m not depressed anymore. I’m not drowning myself in parties to forget you. I’m sad, it kind of hurts, and it’s a little lonely sometimes when I remember you – but I’m okay. I’m finding my way back to myself, and I know just a little bit more time I’ll be 100% fine again. I’m happy, I’m GREAT actually, and I’m okay.
I’m sorry for any mistakes I’ve done, as well. I’m not angry at you anymore. I’m not confused anymore, I’m not bitter about our break up anymore, and I’m not desperate to get you back anymore. I forgive you. And I understand you. And I accept it.
I’m not going to contact or message you. I’m going to start forgetting you the same way you forgot me.
And the world is SO BIG with SO MANY MANY MANY PEOPLE in it, that we might never see each other again. Not unless we move to different countries.
So this isn’t my goodbye yet, Jolo. We’ll see each other again. We’ll talk to each other again after tonight. I may be out of your life. (And maybe you don’t care anymore, but I need to do this for myself)
People say I should act indifferent with you, because letting you know my thoughts and feelings would make me a “loser” to the break up and make me look pathetic. They say I should be brave and show you no emotion whatsoever and just block you right away.
But you know I hate regrets, and I don’t want to regret not saying everything I want to say.
And besides, you were so wonderful to me. You were so so so wonderful to me. And I need to let this all out, one last time, before I go.
Thank you so much for being kind to me when we were together.
Thank you for all the happy and good memories.
I’m glad I can look back at them now and also smile, instead of just being hurt.
Hey? When you find that girl, that girl you’ll fall in love with FOR REAL, tell her for me that she’s the luckiest girl in the world. Please take care of her better than you did for me.
I wish you all the best.
You’ll be in my heart.
always.
Kristine Angeles 
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