it should’ve been our 5th ‘ official’ anniversary. remember? ondoy? nun ako pinuntahan mo instead of sa kanya? (sabi mo) i’ve waited for you from 10am until 6pm. i was so worried kasi based from the news super baha na, lubog na yung edsa.. hanggang bintana na ng mga sasakyan yung baha. then i went to Jollibee-Mindanao Ave., and waited for you for another hour. we met at 7pm. nilakad mo from that place near trinoma, to st.james-mindano ave. then we went to the office. pagdating natin wala pala rest day OT and boss rico just said “we have free meals in the pantry’ which is free naman talaga everyday. then you’ve decided to ask me and augie to go to your house in sct ojeda. that was my first time to see your house. we bought san mig light. when we arrived at your house, your mom doesnt want to go down because she doesnt know us. sabi mo ayaw kasi nya makita sya ng ibang tao without her make-up on. then at around 5am she’s asking you na ihatid na kami sa labas, but you refused. after an hour, augie went home. and after a few more minutes, hinatid mo ko in JAM bus terminal, near GMA7. i was so thankful THEN that you came to my rescue.
now.. i don’t know. tears has gone dry. i’m hurting, yes. i dont know what she has or what she does for you to throw everything away. i thought i am your bestfriend. kasi ako lang nakakaalam ng lahat ng secrets mo.. ng lahat ng problema mo.. na kahit pamilya mo, kahit mama mo hindi nila alam. siguro nga oo.. i WAS your bestfriend. before you met her.
but thank you. thank you for everything. thank you for saving me from my then-boyfriend. thank you for being there nun ondoy. i’ve learned so much from you, good and bad. i dont know why, but i still love you. and it fucking hurts.
how do you comfort someone who lost his partner if you yourself haven’t experienced such loss? it’s not that i want to experience it first-hand. who would want that. but it’s so awkward when everyone else said their sympathies and you’ll be left with just holding their hand for strength.. hope that helps at least. i just can’t find the right words to say. sorry.. but i feel you. i understand. and i really am sorry for your loss
He must have hurt you really badly. I can imagine that things were incredibly painful, as you now fear the world and are blinded to love when it presents itself in its purest form. Maybe it was a guy or two who caused it or it was growing up amidst a troubling family affair.
Whatever reason you have for feeling unable to trust, know that it’s valid and perfectly reasonable.
Heartache can leave a traumatizing mark that’s difficult to forget and can feel nearly impossible to overcome. When you find yourself in a situation that is the slightest bit familiar to how the hurtful past unraveled, it can feel nerve-racking and emotionally chaotic.
That identifiable jolt of surprise you feel when you glance over at his phone or that anger you feel when you ask a question or two brings you back to that moment when you first realized that no man can or should ever be trusted.
Despite how he rationalizes his actions, you have already expected an outcome that justifies your suspicion and negates anything that could disprove your theory.
The situation isn’t what you thought it to be. Your mind drags on, clinging to the idea that you’re bound to get hurt, that he’s doing something behind your back, that you’re replaceable and that there’s someone else.
Well, to every girl who finds it difficult to trust, give your partner the chance to be different.
It’s not a simple task and it definitely won’t be easy, but you must take it upon yourself to trust that your present situation won’t work out the same way as things did before.
When everything brings you fear, learn to live in fear. Distrust becomes your comfort zone and infidelity your truth. Watch out for possible signs to tell yourself that you’re right about this one — that you’re right not to trust him. Wait for him to make a mistake before you have any reason to stay in the comforts of doubt.
People will tell you that it’s not fair to pass the mistakes of another guy onto him. They’ll say that it’s not fair for him to be surrounded by doubt when he’s given nothing short of his best to make you feel loved and secure.
This advice is all true, but the most unjust thing you could do is let yourself suffer again for the mistakes of the man who broke your heart.
A relationship without trust is like an ice cream sundae without a cherry on top… it doesn’t feel complete. It can’t blossom into a beautiful connection if you believe he’s screwing up what both of you have.
When you completely trust the person you’re with, the foundation of the relationship will get stronger.
You’ll feel confident that when faced with a compromising situation, he won’t do anything to jeopardize the sanctity of what you value the most. He’ll appreciate you for believing the good in him.
When you stop fearing the what-ifs of tomorrow and focus on the good things that come today, you’ll realize that the worries that you’ve focused on for so long are ghosts you’ve created that have hindered you from experiencing true happiness.
Trusting someone is a choice you have to make for yourself.
When you trust him, he’ll prove to you that he’s worthy of it. His actions will show you that there was nothing to fear.
But, if in the end he disappoints you and hurts you, just move forward and continue to go through life with optimism about what genuine love and trust can bring. Because trust me, it’s beautiful.
I’ve always found the concept of breaking up with someone to be both unsettling and sad. Whenever I hear of a friend or family member’s relationship coming to an end, I feel somewhat disappointed that another love failed yet again. Coming from a family where my parents met and fell in love at 15 years old, I grew up believing in the whole “fairy-tale” ending phenomenon. I just didn’t understand how if two people loved each other so much, they could even fathom ending things. I think this is part of the reason I struggled so much in ending my first long-term relationship. He was more than just a lover; I grew up with him. I had so many firsts with this person, and I went through many hard times with him by my side. We started dating at 15, the same age as my parents. He was my best friend for four years and I couldn’t imagine life without him, or how I was even happy before we came together. Before I knew it, everything changed. He made consistent mistakes when it came to our relationship that hurt me over and over again. I started to feel myself not just falling out of love with him, but also craving something new and more fulfilling. At the same time, the thought of not having him in my life felt both sad and unfamiliar. It also felt unfair: Why did I have to lose him as both my boyfriend and my best friend at the same time? I wished it didn’t have to be that way. I wished the aching hole in my heart would just close up and heal. It’s amazing to think how quickly people can come in and out of your life; people who used to mean everything can turn into nothing. How are we forced to forget people who once meant the world to us? When our lives center around someone we love, it doesn’t just stop the minute you break up. When you’re passing by his favorite restaurant or the place in the park where she first told you she loved you; when you realize it’s his birthday or hear her favorite song on the radio, the memories will always linger. However, these are memories you are forced to forget because you know, and everyone else knows, that you deserve better. I believe that if you truly love someone, you will always harbor love for that person. It may be a different love than it was when you were together, but something will always be there. Maybe it’s simply just an ache that creeps across your body upon hearing his name. We will never completely forget about a failed love, but that does not mean you won’t be happy again — you will. Either way, this concept is inevitable. It’s the human condition to crave love and relationships. Every now and then we meet someone who may end up becoming a big part of our lives, and with this, we run the risk of ending up as strangers. However, I think it will always be a risk worth taking. With every failed relationship comes a new lesson. They help us learn more about what we like, don’t like and what we are willing to accept. They help us recognize the pain a broken heart can bring and the growth involved in healing it. They also teach us to appreciate how beautiful and vulnerable love can be, and hopefully, eventually, help us find that person who will make all that pain and uncertainty worth it.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: Relationships aren’t easy. As a very wise musician, Neil Sedaka, once sang, “Breaking up is hard to do.”
The decision to end a relationship may be easy for some, but for others, it’s a decision that takes a lot of time, internal mulling and external venting.
Once you make your decision, you may be immediately feeling regretful; after all, you spent a lot of time with this person.
He or she was your significant other; you were intimate and comfortable with this person. All of those things are not easily forgotten or left in the past.
In the end, however, you broke up for a reason. While you may be entertaining the idea of drunk texting this person at 2 am on a Saturday night and revealing how much you miss him or her, just don’t.
1. It Ended For A Reason
You didn’t just break up with him or her out of the blue; there had to have been reasons. Nine times out of ten, the underlying problem didn’t disappear overnight.
Unless your ex has completely done a 360, don’t step backwards. Your relationship failed; don’t forget that reason when you’ve had a little too much to drink and you’re feeling lonely.
2. After The Honeymoon Phase Wears Off…
While you may have remembered all the good times you shared, replaying cute conversations in your head simply creates a façade that everything was perfect.
If that were the case, you would most likely still be together. If you did get back together, it would be great during that “honeymoon phase,” but after that, the original issues will resurface, leaving you confused and heartbroken… for a second time.
3. You Don’t Think You Can Do Better
You can and you will; it’s as simple as that. There are so many fish in the sea — it’s the oldest cliché in the book — and, yes, I’m throwing it at you because it’s true!
Once you’ve had enough time to get over your ex, explore your options. Let a friend set you up on a blind date, start swiping right on Tinder or just get someone’s phone number at the bar.
There isn’t just one person out there for all of us. There is the right person, at the right place and at the right time. Love is a tricky little thing.
4. If It Were Meant To Be, It Wouldn’t Be So Hard
One of my friends said this to me during one of many venting sessions, and it stuck with me. You shouldn’t have to work as hard in your relationship as you do at your full-time job.
I’m not telling you there won’t be bumps in the road, but overall, you should be happier more times than sad in your relationship. If you were feeling the latter, especially towards the end of your relationship, it won’t be better the second time around.
5. You Were Comfortable
Your significant other knew everything about you: your most ticklish spot, your favorite meal and exactly what you needed when you were hungover on a Sunday morning.
You may think you’ll never feel that comfortable with another person, but I promise you, it will happen. Most of us take time to open up to others, especially in our generation, where everyone is so quick to move on to the next best thing.
When the right person comes along, you’ll want him or her to know all of those things and more. In the beginning of a new relationship, you probably won’t be sharing your deepest secrets, be able to finish each other’s sentences or know exactly what your partner is thinking by just looking at his or her facial expression.
Eventually, you will get there with someone new.
6. The “L” Word
You loved your significant other. I get it; I’ve been there, too. However, if you’ve learned anything from reading articles like these, you know with each new relationship, you learn more about yourself and how you love in particular.
Falling in love isn’t just about the person; it’s about the timing. Timing is everything, just ask Ted Mosby. When you fall into that forever kind of love, you’ll know it.
I am a firm believer in the mantra, “Everything happens for a reason.” You learned from the pain, so don’t subject yourself to it a second time around. Leave the past in the past, and move forward. There are far better things ahead than anything we leave behind.
There are a few things I think you should know, as you are now the object of his affection.
Don’t let it surprise you, how quickly you fall for him, and don’t be apprehensive in letting yourself fall. He’ll be there to catch you. Don’t let my Facebook page intimidate you. There were a lot of pictures of us, and while I hate to admit it, the pictures are a thing of the past.
He’s taken down most of them by now. He may not talk about me to you; he didn’t talk to his friends about it when it ended, so I don’t know if they will know either. It was a beautiful, one-sided love story of the past, but you are his future now.
We don’t know each other, and I am sure you already don’t like me. I resented you slightly when I first found out, but we do have something very wonderful in common, and it connects us whether we like to admit it or not.
I won’t text him or like his posts on social media. I can’t tell you every secret because it took me time to figure that out myself. But just trust that there are reasons he doesn’t say what you want him to, and there are reasons he doesn’t do what you want.
He will spoil you from time to time, but he is wise with his expenses; he spends money only when he needs to. You are going notice how he gets excited like a child when it comes to certain things and learn to hear giggle in his laugh.
You’ll find out his favorite movie and he’ll make you sit through it; I know I couldn’t without falling asleep. You’ll notice how he loves watching movies and how he might do it more than going out.
You will see him out drunk and he’ll get mad sometimes. He has a temper, as I’m sure you have noticed, so don’t take it personally. When he storms off, let him go and trust he’ll always come back with a smile and his bright blue eyes that make you look away.
When he falls in love with you, let it not scare you when he cries because that’s the one thing that triggers those emotions in him. When he falls in love with you, you’ll notice you sleep better at night, and when it rains, his touch simply will vanish every fear.
When that happens, you’ll almost look forward to simple things, such as walks because he’ll reach for your hand and you’ll blush because no glove has ever fit it so well.
He’ll do whatever you ask of him and you’ll rarely fight. He doesn’t like advertising things like relationships and feelings, so don’t expect that of him, just know he does love you. He may not think of you at every moment, but you’ll cross his mind often enough.
He has bigger dreams than he is confident enough to believe in, so it’s your job to tell him every day how handsome he is and how smart he is and that he is capable of it all. He won’t believe you, but don’t stop saying it.
He’ll make you see the world in a new light, and you’ll start questioning things you never knew. He can’t cook, so don’t expect him to. You’ll find yourself laughing at his little catchphrases, and if you do something he doesn’t like, one eyebrow will raise and he’ll look at you without blinking.
When you two are out, he’ll watch you the whole time and it’ll seem like you are the only one in the room. When you dance, it’ll seem perfect. Let none of this scare you and love him the way he deserves. He’ll tell you about the past and his mistakes, so it’s your job to take his hand and let him know you’re not judging him.
He is a better person because of all of that, and he’s found you because of failed relationships in the past. I hope you love him the way he deserves and I hope he loves you as deeply as I thought he did me. I hope he’s honest with you in a way he never was with me, but most of all, I hope he gives you the fairytale I thought would once be my life.
Also: Remember that I don’t dislike you, but if I’m being honest, I am jealous of you. I have found acceptance, but I’m also happy someone else gets a chance to experience what I did.
I hope one day I can properly meet you. Like I said before, we have a connection that no one else can say they have and I’m sure you are a wonderful person. He looks at who a girl is first before falling in love with her appearance. It’s a rare quality in a man.
I only ask one thing of you: Don’t hurt him the way he hurt me. I believe in karma and I believe people get what they send out to the world, but I never wish that pain upon anyone, especially him. You are dating the man of our dreams and I truly mean it when I say I hope it all works out for you.
I felt as if love was the very liquid flowing through my veins: heart-racing, endless-butterflies, flushed-face, cheeks-hurt-from-smiling-so-much, couldn’t-wait-to-spend-every-waking-moment-with-him type sh*t.
You can probably guess where this is going. Neither one worked out, but the second one left me guessing whether I could ever recover from all the hurt and anguish he put me through. Most importantly, could I ever trust another man with my heart, body, mind and soul?
Even I felt as though I had to tiptoe around the shambles of my own heart; I was left to put everything back together. Before I could move forward with my life, I knew the first steps to moving on would be to forgive.
I’ve never said this openly to you, but now it’s time. To the man I thought you were:
You met me at such a vulnerable and fragile stage of my life, and you took full advantage of that. Just shy of 21, I thought I had found the love of my life.
You were everything I had always dreamed of and everything I thought I wanted. You were five years older than me, established, smart, handsome, funny, witty, skilled, so talented at your job and you could make me weak at the knees.
I’ll hand it to you; your facade was that of one who had clearly done this before. You had me in your hands like putty. Little did I know you would try to mold me into everything you needed me to be.
How naive I was to believe that someone like you could actually love me, wholeheartedly. It’s my own fault, and now on the verge of 26, I can take responsibility for what I failed to notice.
I guess you could say I did notice, just didn’t care to pay attention to all the red flags. You always wanted me to be something more, something your parents would approve of. Someone who resembled more of what your stature represented, almost like a social class.
I guess I should have listened to you when you said your mom wouldn’t approve of my tattoos, the very art I had engraved into my skin before I ever knew that you existed. Or maybe the times you told me to not do my hair a certain way because you didn’t like it.
How about the times you always gave me sh*t for dressing up nice, always assuming I was trying to impress someone? Did you ever think I was trying to look nice for you?
With all the guilt you carried around, I MUST be up to no good. All the simple things I enjoyed, you hated. I always wondered why I stayed with someone who so clearly didn’t like anything about me.
Then it clicked: I was convenient. I was an easy back up. Just tell her what she wants to hear, give her a little bit of hope, give her a little bit of rope and just real her back in when you need her.
Goddamn you, asshole, for making me feel so inadequate. I always made an excuse for your behavior. That is nobody’s fault but my own, but it is time you take responsibility for YOUR actions.
After all, if you had been the good boyfriend you claimed to be, I wouldn’t have had to make an excuses for your twisted, sick, and f*cked up choices.
Of course, you were always so talented at turning everything around and making me the bad guy. “I told you I didn’t want to be in a relationship … it’s not my fault if you get hurt. We aren’t together.” Oh we aren’t? I’m sorry, I must have you confused with the guy who has me over every night and day.
I come home, cook, clean, take care of the house and dog, do your laundry, fall asleep and wake up next to you every day. I’d catch you in a lie, or online dating sites, or going on dates on Valentine’s Day, or how about that late dinner on NYE that wasn’t with me?
Yet, if I dare talked to anyone, showed interest in anyone, I was the piece of sh*t. Wait a second … didn’t you say we weren’t together? I should be free to talk to whomever I want, right?
Do you even have any idea what I told these people who tried to date me? That I was still in love with someone, and I wanted to see it through the end until he clearly looked me in the eye and I knew it was over for good.
What hurt the most is when I would build up all this courage to finally say that I was done with feeling this way. That you no longer were going to have so much control over me, and that I no longer wanted to be with someone who couldn’t treat me the way I deserved.
Here you come with a sad face, making your eyes well up, telling me you don’t know why you continue to hurt the one person who has loved you for the last three years. You got me … back to square one. He’ll change, things will be different, I know he loves me. He almost cried…
So here we are. I have forgiven you, and have forgiven myself, but that doesn’t mean I still don’t get angry for all the times you made me feel so worthless.
While you never directly said it, I always knew it was implied. It’s my fault for sticking around, and it’s my fault for not listening to everything you were saying. Nobody ever said I was perfect, and lord knows I am flawed to the bone. My weakness isn’t really a weakness, it’s more of a strength. I love with all my heart, through thick and thin.
I give it all I got, and I was not the one who quit. No matter what you did, I still loved with you. It’s just a crying shame that you gave up on me. You doubted my abilities and you were ashamed. Yet, I never once said I was ashamed of you and all your flaws.
I learned to love my solitude, and I learned to love every single part of me. I enjoy not being a perfect specimen of a human being. I embody true beauty. I may be an emotionally f*cked up individual, but damn, am I strong. Anyone who has had to endure three years of your bullsh*t deserves an award.
So thank you, thanks for helping me realize just how badass I am. I’m living a fabulous life.
By the way, I heard you got married, cheers to that! I wish you nothing but happiness. I can genuinely say that because when you really love someone or in my case (loved) someone, regardless of what they’ve done to you, you do want the best for him.
My heart doesn’t have room for hate, it’s too full of love for the ones who care about me.
just my dreams as a guide, i set off is search of sandy gardens. set under Mr. Sun's glow. no maps, no plans, here i go. This is me!