This is the song I used to sing whenever I’m taking a shower.. it only stopped when I met him. and I don’t know why. After we broke up.. and learning about the reason why we broke up.. I just don’t know but it seems like.. this could be his song when we were still together..
How can I tell her about you (Lobo)
She knows when I’m lonesome, she cried when I’m sad
She’s up in the good times, she’s down in the bad
Whenever I’m discouraged, she knows just what to do
But girl, she doesn’t know about you
I can tell her my troubles, she makes them all seem right
I can make up excuses not to hold her at night
We can talk of tomorrow, I’ll tell her things that I want to do
But girl, how can I tell her about you?
How can I tell her about you? Girl, please tell me what to do
Everything seems right whenever I’m with you
So girl, won’t you tell me how to tell her about you?
How can I tell her I don’t miss her whenever I’m away
How can I say it’s you and I think of every single night and day
But when is it easy telling someone we’re through
Ah girl, help me tell her about you
Somebody told me you were leavin’
I didn’t know
Somebody told me you’re unhappy
But it doesn’t show
Somebody told me that you don’t want me no more
So you’re walkin’ out the door
Nobody told me you’ve been cryin’
Every night
Nobody told me you’d been dyin’
But didn’t want to fight
Nobody told me that you fell out of love from me
So I’m settin’ you free
[Ref:]
Let me be the one to break it up
So you won’t have to make excuses
We don’t need to find a set up where
Someone wins and someone loses
We just have to say our love was true
But has now become a lie
So I’m tellin’ you I love you one last time
And goodbye
Somebody told me you still loved me
Don’t know why
Nobody told me that you only
Needed time to fly
Somebody told me that you want to come back when
Our love is real again
[ref then bridge]
[Bridge:]
Just turn around and walk away
You don’t have to live like this
But if you love me still then stay
Don’t keep me waiting for that final kiss
We can work together through this test
Or we can work through it apart
I just need to get this off my chest
That you will always have my heart
let me be the one..
[ref]
I can honestly say
You’ve been on my mind
Since I woke up today
I look at your photograph all the time
These memories come back to life
And I don’t mind
I remember when we kissed
I still feel it on my lips
The time that you danced with me
With no music playing
I remember the simple things
I remember till I cry
But the one thing I wish I’d forget
The memory I wanna forget
Is goodbye
I woke up this morning
And played our song
And through my tears I sang along
I picked up the phone and then
Put it down
’cause I know I’m wasting my time
And I don’t mind
I remember when we kissed
I still feel it on my lips
The time that you danced with me
With no music playing
I remember the simple things
I remember till I cry
But the one thing I wish I’d forget
The memory I wanna forget
Suddenly my cell phone’s blowing up
With your ring tone
I hesitate but answer it anyway
You sound so alone
And I’m surprised to hear you say
You remember when we kissed
You still feel it on your lips
The time that you danced with me
With no music playing
You remember the simple things
We talk till we cry
You said that your biggest regret
The one thing you wish I’d forget
Is saying goodbye
Saying goodbye
Oh, Goodbye
When I met my kid’s father, i don’t have a social life. He would always tell me I wouldn’t get anything from going online checking my Friendster account. I stopped taking and sharing pictures, I stopped writing entries for my blogs. All the things I love doing were literally taken away from me. Of course, just to avoid confrontations ending with me bruised and all, I just let him control me. he even asked me to stop seeing my friends, even talking or texting them.
When I was with jolo, it’s somewhat different. He never asked me to do all those. I did it on my own ‘free will’. Corny as it may seem, but it’s true. Maybe because I just wanted to focus on just him and my son. As what he always say, “si mama ang priority ko.. tulad mo, si gabu ang priority mo. Tayong dalawa.. second lang sa lists natin pareho..”
And that’s where I think I made a mistake. I lost contacts with my friends. it was always me and him. Me, him and his friends. me, him and my family or his family.. me, my son and him. i would only see my friends ‘accidentally’ like once in 2010 when we saw keith, marvin and hazel in a coffee shop, and twice in 2012: when we saw keith and marvin in the mall when we’re about to go home.. keith and marvin in a restaurant when we’re supposed to eat.. then I got to see the rest of my college friends last December 2013 for the gown fitting for ate jo’s wedding that same month.
When jolo broke up with me, I have no one to confide to. I was broken.. it was like everything was shattered. Everything was gone. I know I still have my mom and my family, but I can’t let them know. I can’t tell them jolo broke up with me and I was devastated. I can’t tell them that jolo cheated on me and that they’ve been together for quite sometime now. So when I saw my homepage in his phone, I knew he was checking on my facebook account. So I’ve posted statuses about him and what he did. Just so he knew how deeply hurt I am. So that he knows how I deal with the pain he caused me.
My friends from work commented on my posts. I know they meant well. But I know they can’t understand what I’m going through then. I know they wouldn’t understand because they don’t know me that well. but i really appreciate the effort and the understanding and all those kind soothing words to ease the pain.
When keith and ate jo sent me a message, I wanted to cry. They were like my best best friends ever. I wanted to cry since we lost communication for quite a while and here they are now, telling me consoling words at my lowest point in life.
The last time I saw jolo, on our way to glorietta he told me “bakit nga ba kita ihahatid eh mas gusto mo naman kasama mga kaibigan mo kesa sakin..”
I wanted to shout at him and tell him alam naman nya yung reason why I have to choose keith over him. kasi keith was there and was the one who helped me get through was jolo has done. Keith was there and never left me.. something I thought jolo would do. Akala ko kasi si jolo yung hindi ako iiwan. Akala he’d be the one who’ll catch me everytime.
You were everything I wanted
But I just can’t finish what I’ve started
There’s no room left here on my back
It was damaged long ago
Though you swear that you are true
I still pick my friends over you
You by the light is the greatest find
In a world full of wrong you’re the thing that’s right
Finally made it through the lonely to the other side
You set it again, my heart’s in motion
Every word feels like a shooting star
I’m at the edge of my emotions
Watching the shadows burning in the dark,
And I’m in love and I’m terrified.
For the first time and the last time
In my only life.
And this could be good, it’s already better than that
And nothing’s worse than knowing you’re holding back
I could be all that you’re needing if you let me try
You set it again, my heart’s in motion
Every word feels like a shooting star
I’m at the edge of my emotions
Watching the shadows burning in the dark
And I’m in love and I’m terrified
For the first time and the last time
In my only
I only said it ’cause I mean it
I only mean it ’cause it’s true
So don’t you doubt what I’ve been dreaming
‘Cause it fills me up and holds me close
Whenever I’m without you
You set it again, my heart’s in motion
Every word feels like a shooting star
Watching the shadows burning in the dark
And I’m in love and I’m terrified
For the first time and the last time
In my only life, life, life
In my only life
We take a chance from time to time
And put our necks out on the line
And you have broken every promise that we made
And I have loved you anyway
Took a fine time to leave me hangin’ out to dry
Understand now I’m greivin’
So don’t you waste my time
Cause you have taken
All the wind out from my sails
And I have loved you just the same
We finally find this
then you’re gone
Been chasin’ rainbows all along
And you have cursed me
When there’s no one left to blame
And I have loved you just the same
And you have broken every single fucking rule
And I have loved you like a fool
maybe
You don’t have to smile so sad
Laugh when you’re feeling bad
I promise I won’t
Chase you
You don’t have to dance so blue
You don’t have to say I do
When baby you don’t
Just tell me
The one thing you never told me
Then let go of me
Hell just throw me
Maybe if you wanna go home
Tell me if I’m back on my own
Giving back a heart that’s on loan
Just tell me if you wanna go home
Oh maybe
You don’t have to kill so kind
Pretend to ease my mind
When baby you won’t
Oh sugar
You don’t have to be so sweet
I know who you’re going to meet
Don’t say that I don’t
So maybe
I won’t let your memory haunt me
I’ll be sleepwalking
With the lonely
If you’re taking me home
Tell me if I’m back on my own
Giving back a heart that’s on loan
Just tell me if you wanna go home
Tell me if you wanna go home
Cause I’m just not sure
Tell me if I’m back on my own
How to get back there
Giving back a heart that’s on loan
And I just can’t bear
Tell me if you wanna go home
If you’re not there
Ooh ooh ooh ooh
Baby
If you’re taking me home
Tell me if I’m back on my own
Giving back a heart that’s on loan
Tell me if you wanna go
Wanna go, wanna go, wanna go, wanna
Cause I’m just not sure
How to get back there
And I just can’t bear
If you’re not there
Tell me if you wanna go home
Cause I’m just not sure
Tell me if I’m back on my own
How to get back there
Giving back a heart that’s on loan
And I just can’t bear
Just tell me if you wanna go home
Wanna go, wanna go, wanna go, wanna
Wanna go, wanna
Wanna go, wanna
For all the times I felt cheated, I complained
You know how I love to complain
For all the wrongs I repeated, though I was to blame
I still cursed that rain
I didn’t have a prayer, didn’t have a clue
Then out of the blue
God gave me you to show me what’s real
There’s more to life than just how I feel
And all that I’m worth is right before my eyes
And all that I live for though I didn’t know why
Now I do, ’cause God gave me you
For all the times I wore my self pity like a favorite shirt
All wrapped up in that hurt
For every glass I saw, I saw half empty
Now it overflows like a river through my soul
From every doubt I had, I’m finally free
I truly believe
God gave me you to show me what’s real
There’s more to life than just how I feel
And all that I’m worth is right before my eyes
And all that I live for though I didn’t know why
Now I do, ’cause God gave me you
In your arms I’m someone new
With ever tender kiss from you
Oh, must confess
I’ve been blessed
God gave me you to show me what’s real
There’s more to life than just how I feel
And all that I’m worth is right before my eyes
And all that I live for though I didn’t know why
(Didn’t know why)
Now I do, ’cause God gave me you
(I finally do, God gave me you)
God gave me you
Kristine Angeles 
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