Jose Micard Teixeira’s (not meryll streep’s)

I no longer have patience for certain things, not because I’ve become arrogant, but simply because I reached a point in my life where I do not want to waste more time with what displeases me or hurts me. I have no patience for cynicism, excessive criticism and demands of any nature. I lost the will to please those who do not like me, to love those who do not love me and to smile at those who do not want to smile at me. I no longer spend a single minute on those who lie or want to manipulate. I decided not to coexist anymore with pretense, hypocrisy, dishonesty and cheap praise. I do not tolerate selective erudition nor academic arrogance. I do not adjust either to popular gossiping. I hate conflict and comparisons. I believe in a world of opposites and that’s why I avoid people with rigid and inflexible personalities. In friendship I dislike the lack of loyalty and betrayal. I do not get along with those who do not know how to give a compliment or a word of encouragement. Exaggerations bore me and I have difficulty accepting those who do not like animals. And on top of everything I have no patience for anyone who does not deserve my patience.

september 26, 2014

it should’ve been our 5th ‘ official’ anniversary.
remember? ondoy?
nun ako pinuntahan mo instead of sa kanya? (sabi mo)
i’ve waited for you from 10am until 6pm.
i was so worried kasi based from the news super baha na, lubog na yung edsa.. hanggang bintana na ng mga sasakyan yung baha.
then i went to Jollibee-Mindanao Ave., and waited for you for another hour.
we met at 7pm. nilakad mo from that place near trinoma, to st.james-mindano ave.
then we went to the office. pagdating natin wala pala rest day OT and boss rico just said “we have free meals in the pantry’ which is free naman talaga everyday.
then you’ve decided to ask me and augie to go to your house in sct ojeda.
that was my first time to see your house.
we bought san mig light.
when we arrived at your house, your mom doesnt want to go down because she doesnt know us. sabi mo ayaw kasi nya makita sya ng ibang tao without her make-up on.
then at around 5am she’s asking you na ihatid na kami sa labas, but you refused.
after an hour, augie went home. and after a few more minutes, hinatid mo ko in JAM bus terminal, near GMA7.
i was so thankful THEN that you came to my rescue.

now.. i don’t know. tears has gone dry.
i’m hurting, yes.
i dont know what she has or what she does for you to throw everything away.
i thought i am your bestfriend. kasi ako lang nakakaalam ng lahat ng secrets mo.. ng lahat ng problema mo.. na kahit pamilya mo, kahit mama mo hindi nila alam.
siguro nga oo.. i WAS your bestfriend. before you met her.

but thank you.
thank you for everything.
thank you for saving me from my then-boyfriend.
thank you for being there nun ondoy.
i’ve learned so much from you, good and bad.
i dont know why, but i still love you.
and it fucking hurts.

losing someone.

it might have been the worst thing about losing someone, that moment between asleep and awake, when you had to remember and accept the loss again, relieve that moment when your life changed, and you lost something dear.

092414

how do you comfort someone who lost his partner if you yourself haven’t experienced such loss? it’s not that i want to experience it first-hand. who would want that. but it’s so awkward when everyone else said their sympathies and you’ll be left with just holding their hand for strength.. hope that helps at least. i just can’t find the right words to say. sorry.. but i feel you. i understand. and i really am sorry for your loss

Miscomm: The state of yolanda: emergency

Gabu’s summer camp @ CDIC

My cousin and my son :-)

8 Reasons Why A Real Man Would Never Cheat On Someone He Truly Loves

http://elitedaily.com/dating/gentlemen/8-reasons-real-men-dont-cheat/708215/

 

 

So many boys, so few real men.

I’m rather pissed off at all you stupid boys, parading about like actual men. In fact, you recently cost me a potentially promising relationship. Because you’ve managed to cheat on so many women and break their trust, there seem to be very few women left who are willing to trust another man.

I have never before cheated on a woman in my life, nor will I ever do so. Unfortunately, very few women seem to believe me. I’m sure I’m not the only man who has come across a similar problem.

I’m certain that plenty of great guys have had to carry the baggage some other douchebag left behind. When you break a woman’s trust, you will never get it back. I really mean never. Sadly, you’re also ruining it for the next guy.

By cheating on a woman, you are screwing her over for the long run – she’ll likely be unable to trust another man for years to follow. Real men don’t cheat. Here’s why:

Real men are emotionally stable.

We usually hear about women having trouble controlling their emotions. Truth be told, men are much worse. While women have the intelligence to share their feelings and discuss their problems (most of the time), men like to keep it bottled up.

Until, of course, they can’t take it any longer and explode. When something goes wrong in a relationship, women may very well cry, they may complain, they may throw tantrums or give you the silent treatment, but men – weak men – pretend like they feel nothing.

Once their cup flows over, they look for whatever release they can. They drink. They smoke. They f*ck. Unfortunately, since they aren’t on talking terms with their woman, they f*ck whatever they can find. Real men deal with their emotions appropriately.

Real men have enough willpower to keep it in their pants.

I’m sorry to have to tell you this gentlemen, but because you are men you are going to want to sleep with every beautiful woman who crosses your path. Literally, every single one.

If you’re a real man, however, you won’t risk screwing up what you have for a brief few minutes in the sack with a woman you more than likely won’t have chemistry with. If you really want sex that badly then why not sleep with the woman who loves you?

If the sex bores you, then do something to make it more exciting. It takes two to tango – if she won’t bring the whipped cream then it’s up to you to do so.

Real men don’t date women they don’t love or don’t believe they can one day love.

Obviously, we all date people we aren’t yet certain we will fall for — if love at first sight exists, it’s rarely the case. However, many will date someone they don’t especially care about simply for convenience.

Why go out to find tail when you can have it delivered? Real men understand that women aren’t objects and therefore don’t use them simply to satisfy their own needs. When they know they don’t love a woman then they cut things off instead of continuing to lead them on.

Real men are respectful.

They treat people with respect when respect is due… especially when it comes to the women they’re dating. Cheating is lying; it’s breaking trust and it proves that you care little about your partner as a lover, friend and as a human being.

To cheat is to act as if you’re better than she is and the fact is that you aren’t. Break her trust and you will never really get her back. I had to learn this the hard way.

Real men don’t need to add notches to their belts simply to make themselves feel like men.

Real men know that they’re real men. They can feel it with every step they take – and more often than not it shows. It shows in their demeanor and in their actions. Too many “men” these days believe it’s laudable to sleep with as many women as possible – as if it were some sort of game, and women are collectables of sorts.

Women aren’t objects, and this game that you’re playing is called life. If you get caught cheating and the stakes are high enough then you can ruin your life.

Real men would never hurt the woman they love.

To be fair, real men would never hurt any woman, but especially not the woman they understand as being an extension of themselves. Real men love and care for themselves as well as those who are closest to them.

If you are lucky enough to have found a woman to love and are luckier still to have her love you back, then do everything in your power to keep her smiling. There is nothing worse in the world than losing a person you love. Mistakes are mistakes… but they aren’t always forgivable.

Real men know what’s important in life – and it’s not another piece of ass.

Proper men are too busy living the life of their dreams to bother with excess. They are working on attaining all that it is that they want in life, but more importantly still, they understand what it is that they really want.

As men, we often want more than is good for us. Only when we get what we thought we wanted do we come to realize the error of our ways. I will tell you right now that there should only be one woman for you.

That one woman who will love you for your entire life is all that really matters. The rest you won’t even remember.

Real men have the guts to break up with a woman.

If you plan on cheating on her then you clearly don’t want to be with her. Grow a pair and break things off. You’re clearly going to do it sooner or later.

Rip that bandaid off and get it over with. Be a real man and not a quivering coward.

 

A Letter To His Girlfriend, From The Other Woman Who Wishes She Knew Better

http://elitedaily.com/dating/letter-girlfriend-woman/668955/

 

You must know about me by now.

Don’t worry; he didn’t love me any more than he loved you. For some time I tried to convince myself otherwise, like maybe if my body was a palace and yours was a dark alley it would make sense for him to leave yours without really leaving, and to sleep in mine without paying rent.

Sometimes I felt like I was doing you a favor, like maybe even in the moral blackness of letting him rip someone else’s heart from someone else’s body, I would still be noble.

Mostly, I was just convinced that someday soon he would choose just one of us, and that person would be me.

I know I owe you more than an excuse, but let me finish. I spent so much time insisting that you and I were in competition. Every quality of yours I overheard through the grapevine put me on the defense.

I needed to be the opposite of what you were. Others said you were crazy; I could force calm. They said you were too cute; I could roughen myself around the edges.

I let opinions draw a caricature of you, and likewise, I let my fear of losing him draw my own. But now I see that we were both the same: both scared, both vulnerable and both holding out for someone who could never fully commit.

I was wrong for not realizing that sooner. I know now that the way he treated both of us had little to do with how we stacked up against each other.

The other night, my friend overheard him say at a party that his girlfriend made him angry and he needed to cheat to get her back.

It wasn’t because his current girlfriend isn’t pretty enough or because the other girl is the one he really wants. To him, affection is a currency for which every woman in his life must ceaselessly prove her worth.

Though he would have crushed your heart regardless, I’m ashamed that I rationalized something so selfish on his part so that I could act so selfishly on mine.

As ashamed as I am for what I did, I’m even more ashamed of myself for the things I didn’t do, like think about your feelings. I didn’t stop chasing, I didn’t stop him from pitting us against each other and I didn’t look inside myself, even for a second, to find some compassion for you or some love for myself.

I thought that I was above this sort of thing. Never would I have imagined myself the sort of person who would get so wrapped up in a quest to win somebody who wasn’t mine — and from under the nose of someone like you, who didn’t deserve it.

Though it’s been a while now, I still wonder how I sank to such a low place. Why do situations like these drive women like you and me away from each other? Why does it take so much time for us to realize that we are both casualties of the same self-serving cruelty?

I know I still have my own mistakes to answer for, but if I could do it all again, I would have gotten to know you. Then when he came charging into my arms after your fights, insisting it was me he really wanted, I could toss him back into yours.

Then maybe we would never have to experience this mutual bitterness and shame. Maybe this story could end differently. Maybe this story could become one where we both nod knowingly and walk away knowing, or even just hoping, that we are worth more than he would ever see.

Sincerely,

The Regretful Other Woman

 

SMP.

“tin! Pwede ka na pala sumama sa club namin.”

“anu club?”

“SMP. Samahan ng mga malalamig ang pasko!”

 

It was last September 1^st that I remember that this would be the first Christmas that I won’t be celebrating without a boyfriend (since I’ve started dating).

 

Last year, I told him “dapat January pa lang naghahanap na tayo ng mga gift para sa relatives natin.. para nakukumpleto natin & they’ll say n pinagisipan talaga yung mga gifts!” his aunt, tita beth once teased him “ok pala na gf tong si tin.. mula nun naging kayo marunong na magregalo si jolo! Dati kasi mama lang nya bumibili eh!”

 

Last year, it was the 1^st time I’ve bought chrsitmas decors. It may not be for our own Christmas tree, but together, the two of us assembled it. Ang sarap nun feeling. Jolo said “ginawa ko to kasi gusto ko maging happy ka. The last time we’ve set up a christmas tree, dad was still with us. Si mama naman, after dad left us, hindi na sya nag-set up ng christmas tree. Now, this is for you. Kasi all I wanted is to make you happy, kahit sa gnitong simpleng paraan. And pag meron na tayo sariling bahay, I’ll buy you a big one! Pero hindi totoong tree ha. Mahal. Sayang. Hehe..” And I loved him for that. Kasi growing up from an Iglesia ni Cristo family, we never had a Christmas tree at home. My aunt would just let me decorate theirs before until I went into college. When I started working, that was one of my plan. To buy our own christmas tree at home.

 

I’ve started buying gifts last weekend. I already have a list of those people I’ll be giving gifts. As I’ve gone through my list, I didn’t notice na I was looking at the one I did a few months ago when we were still together. I saw his relatives’ names.. meg, xavier.. his inaanaks jandrei.. & his friends (who used to be my friends too) ida, jenkin.. and the team mates from HRCC. So I have to make a new list, and I only bought those for my officemates’ kids.

I hate doing that. Those people doesn’t have to do with what happened to us. With ida.. actually I’m not sure. But I hope she’s not part of it, hindi sya nanulsol. So I have to crossout names one after another.

 

I remember jolo saying (after we broke up) “you can still go to our family affairs.. k-close mo naman sila.. pero kung meron na ko bagong gf.. hindi na pwede. Kasi awkward na. ayoko naman na andun ka.. tapos dadating ako na meron kasamang iba.. masasaktan ka lang”

 

That’s why I know he’ll never come back. There’ll be no second (or third or fourth) chance for us. Even before pa pala.. he’s thinking of having someone else with him during their family affairs. Samantalang ako, all I think of is how to deal with his family.. how to please them.. what to give them on holidays.. Just like what tita beth (his aunt) said, “ok lang naman sa family kahit anu gawin nya.. hindi na kami magmamalinis.. kasi ganun din naman yung iba namin relatives. That’s why we’re so used to it. You should’ve known this could happen. You should’ve expected the worst. Next time.. alamin mo yung history ng family habang maaga, para prepared ka. I know it hurts. But shit happens sometimes.” Jolo even told me “ok lang naman mambabae ako.. or kahit anu gawin ko. Kasi kinukunsinte aq ni mama. Kahit anu gawin ko.. alam ko never sya magagalit sakin. Kasi kaming 2 lang naman magkakampi.”

 

I still wish him well. I don’t want something bad happen to him. I know I wouldn’t know. I wish no one would tell me. but I still care. I hope someone will make him realize all the wrong things he has done. Kasi naaawa ako sa mama nya. She just wanted what’s the best for him. I’m not the best. But I saw how happy she was when we’re still together. I made a promise to his mom that I’d do everything for him. na kami ng family ko yung bahala sa kanya while his mom’s away. That’s why I asked for his mom’s forgiveness when we broke up. Kasi I can no longer fulfill my promise. Kasi he doesn’t want me to. And I cant do anything anymore but give what he wants. Because that’s all I want to do. Make him happy, even if I’m no longer part of it.. even if his happiness means I have to let him go.. even if it means he’d be happier without me.. with someone else.. even if his happiness means my loneliness.. coz I know, he’d be happy without me.

 

Now, a few more days before chrsitmas, all I’d ever want is to spend each day with my son.. as many days as possible. Just to make it up to him. for the past few years.. for the past 4 christmas(ses), I’ve been spending it with jolo. And I’ve been so unfair to my son. Maybe this was God’s way of letting me realize I’ve been an inrresponsible mom to my son. And my age isn’t an excuse anymore. I’m already 28. My son is growing up and he needs me. I have to be there for him any other way. He took him away from me just so I can be with my son.

 

All I wanted then was the best Christmas ever. A family. For me, and for my son. But also for him. since he grew up without his dad. Best christmas? Him, me and my son. Or him, me and his mom. But now, I can only expect to have the best Christmas ever. With just me and my son. It could still be the best. But incomplete. Someday.. it will be..

You May Have Been Hurt And Find It Difficult To Trust But You Will Find Someone Worthy Of It

http://elitedaily.com/dating/every-girl-finds-difficult-trust/689831/

 

He must have hurt you really badly. I can imagine that things were incredibly painful, as you now fear the world and are blinded to love when it presents itself in its purest form. Maybe it was a guy or two who caused it or it was growing up amidst a troubling family affair.

Whatever reason you have for feeling unable to trust, know that it’s valid and perfectly reasonable.

Heartache can leave a traumatizing mark that’s difficult to forget and can feel nearly impossible to overcome. When you find yourself in a situation that is the slightest bit familiar to how the hurtful past unraveled, it can feel nerve-racking and emotionally chaotic.

That identifiable jolt of surprise you feel when you glance over at his phone or that anger you feel when you ask a question or two brings you back to that moment when you first realized that no man can or should ever be trusted.

Despite how he rationalizes his actions, you have already expected an outcome that justifies your suspicion and negates anything that could disprove your theory.

The situation isn’t what you thought it to be. Your mind drags on, clinging to the idea that you’re bound to get hurt, that he’s doing something behind your back, that you’re replaceable and that there’s someone else.

Well, to every girl who finds it difficult to trust, give your partner the chance to be different.

It’s not a simple task and it definitely won’t be easy, but you must take it upon yourself to trust that your present situation won’t work out the same way as things did before.

When everything brings you fear, learn to live in fear. Distrust becomes your comfort zone and infidelity your truth. Watch out for possible signs to tell yourself that you’re right about this one — that you’re right not to trust him. Wait for him to make a mistake before you have any reason to stay in the comforts of doubt.

People will tell you that it’s not fair to pass the mistakes of another guy onto him. They’ll say that it’s not fair for him to be surrounded by doubt when he’s given nothing short of his best to make you feel loved and secure.

This advice is all true, but the most unjust thing you could do is let yourself suffer again for the mistakes of the man who broke your heart.

A relationship without trust is like an ice cream sundae without a cherry on top… it doesn’t feel complete. It can’t blossom into a beautiful connection if you believe he’s screwing up what both of you have.

When you completely trust the person you’re with, the foundation of the relationship will get stronger.

You’ll feel confident that when faced with a compromising situation, he won’t do anything to jeopardize the sanctity of what you value the most. He’ll appreciate you for believing the good in him.

When you stop fearing the what-ifs of tomorrow and focus on the good things that come today, you’ll realize that the worries that you’ve focused on for so long are ghosts you’ve created that have hindered you from experiencing true happiness.

Trusting someone is a choice you have to make for yourself.

When you trust him, he’ll prove to you that he’s worthy of it. His actions will show you that there was nothing to fear.

But, if in the end he disappoints you and hurts you, just move forward and continue to go through life with optimism about what genuine love and trust can bring. Because trust me, it’s beautiful.

 

A Date with my friend joe

Once A Lover, Now A Stranger: Why Love Is The Risk We Should All Be Taking

http://elitedaily.com/dating/lover-now-stranger/698610/

I’ve always found the concept of breaking up with someone to be both unsettling and sad. Whenever I hear of a friend or family member’s relationship coming to an end, I feel somewhat disappointed that another love failed yet again.
Coming from a family where my parents met and fell in love at 15 years old, I grew up believing in the whole “fairy-tale” ending phenomenon. I just didn’t understand how if two people loved each other so much, they could even fathom ending things.
I think this is part of the reason I struggled so much in ending my first long-term relationship. He was more than just a lover; I grew up with him. I had so many firsts with this person, and I went through many hard times with him by my side.
We started dating at 15, the same age as my parents. He was my best friend for four years and I couldn’t imagine life without him, or how I was even happy before we came together.
Before I knew it, everything changed. He made consistent mistakes when it came to our relationship that hurt me over and over again. I started to feel myself not just falling out of love with him, but also craving something new and more fulfilling.
At the same time, the thought of not having him in my life felt both sad and unfamiliar. It also felt unfair: Why did I have to lose him as both my boyfriend and my best friend at the same time? I wished it didn’t have to be that way. I wished the aching hole in my heart would just close up and heal.
It’s amazing to think how quickly people can come in and out of your life; people who used to mean everything can turn into nothing. How are we forced to forget people who once meant the world to us?
When our lives center around someone we love, it doesn’t just stop the minute you break up. When you’re passing by his favorite restaurant or the place in the park where she first told you she loved you; when you realize it’s his birthday or hear her favorite song on the radio, the memories will always linger.
However, these are memories you are forced to forget because you know, and everyone else knows, that you deserve better.
I believe that if you truly love someone, you will always harbor love for that person. It may be a different love than it was when you were together, but something will always be there. Maybe it’s simply just an ache that creeps across your body upon hearing his name.
We will never completely forget about a failed love, but that does not mean you won’t be happy again — you will.
Either way, this concept is inevitable. It’s the human condition to crave love and relationships. Every now and then we meet someone who may end up becoming a big part of our lives, and with this, we run the risk of ending up as strangers.
However, I think it will always be a risk worth taking. With every failed relationship comes a new lesson. They help us learn more about what we like, don’t like and what we are willing to accept.
They help us recognize the pain a broken heart can bring and the growth involved in healing it. They also teach us to appreciate how beautiful and vulnerable love can be, and hopefully, eventually, help us find that person who will make all that pain and uncertainty worth it.

The First Cut Is The Deepest: How We Learn To Process Emotions Through Our Family

http://elitedaily.com/life/culture/fragility-family-inevitability-disappointment/734571/

We are most sensitive to matters close to the heart, and for some, family is as close to the heart as it gets. We grow up with family; our earliest memories are with our family. The foundations of who we are and how we view the world were conceived through our families.

Much like fine china, the appreciation we have for our loved ones causes us to treat them with extreme care, resulting in heightened sensitivity with all matters concerning them because they are fragile, delicate parts of our lives.

Like fine china, we put them away somewhere special: in a cabinet closed off in the depth of our hearts, high on a pedestal where we have permitted zero room for error.

It is a condition that we’ve all have somehow come victim to. We contend that the people closest to us aren’t capable of hurting us; it’s somehow easier to accept. However, we mustn’t forget that, like us, our families are human, flawed and imperfect.

See, for the longest time we needed our families to be our heroes. As kids, they were the ones who could conjure hot delicious meals on stovetops with the mysterious blue flame we were instructed not to touch.

When we were sick they knew of home remedies that seemed like potions that made us feel better (even if we were probably still sick). They even sang us songs passed down from generations that lured us into the most somber of slumbers. To put it quite simply, they were God-like.

Even as we got older their help gradually matured with us. From the miracle that appeared every morning in the form of a conveniently packed lunch, to the timely advice on what to do about that jerk of a boyfriend named Steve; it all gave us a safe haven to dwell in from the chaos of the world.

The parents, the siblings and just about anyone who has made a significant impact on our lives have gripped our hearts with reckless abandon. They were the first people we ever really used the term “love” with. They are family, and family is forever.

But what happens when that reality comes crashing down, when you are betrayed by the ones you confided in the most? The inevitability of our heroes actually not saving the day is a reality that, often, we are unprepared for.

What do you do when mom cheats on dad, and why wasn’t she thinking about how the family would feel, how you would feel? How can trust be reestablished after father hit mom?

How do you forgive a sister who inexplicably decided to abandon her family? Who put drugs and a relationship with her delinquent boyfriend over being an example to her two younger sisters? The answer is time.

We often fail to afford the ones close to us the same grace we extend to others because we feel betrayed; the healing is harder because the cut is deeper. The disappointment is so great, that the only way we cope is to eliminate the relationship altogether.

It’s the Santa Claus effect: We are disappointed when the image we have had of someone for so long is actually just dad leaving out the cookies and mom putting gifts under the tree.

There is no justification for lies, nothing can replace the pain of cheating and no amount of sorrys can wipe away those tears. The only thing you can offer is grace. Like anyone else that you have encountered on any intimate level, you must ultimately forgive.

I have seen individuals shut out their mothers completely from their life, and forgive their backstabbing ex-best friend on multiple occasions. As we get older we should realize that no one ever figures life out; it is a continual learning process that only stops when life stops itself.

The ugly truth is that we will always be human. It is ok to hold family close, but remembering that they make the same mistakes we do can prevent a rift in an important relationship from expectations they should not have been held to in the first place.

Why Forgiveness And Acceptance Is The Only Way To Lead A Life Free Of Regret

http://elitedaily.com/life/forgiveness-starts-first/733238/

 

 

Often in life, we hold onto such regret in our past for things we have done, people we have hurt, mistakes we have made and people we have let down.

Time moves on, but we haven’t. I’m sure you can all pinpoint that moment when you knew everything changed with a friend, or the mistake you made that lost someone’s trust.

Like a broken vase, you piece it back together, despite how many cuts your fingers get in the attempt to do so. There are some things in life we try to restore only when, in attempting to do so, we recreate something that looks similar,but can never be the same.

Sometimes, we hurt ourselves more by trying to restore things. There are some lines that get crossed, and no matter how much we try to backpedal over them, nothing changes. Something entirely new is created and a hidden scar in your hearts prevails only to have you live with the wound.

We try to hide things to protect the people we care about. We don’t tell them if someone speaks ill of them because we would rather hold that secret in our heart than see them go through an ounce of pain knowing what people say.

Sometimes we lie to ourselves, doing things no one will approve of, and we try to justify our actions as we look ourselves in the mirror. The thing about lies, however, is eventually they come out. When the truth is ugly, people keep it hidden like skeletons in a closet.

So, how do we deal with things we run from, conclusions that never actually got closure or a goodbye without the word? How do we forgive ourselves for mistakes we have made and people we once hurt in the discovery to figure out who we are today?

It starts by forgiving yourself for the past. Sit down and actually accept what happened; take full responsibility. You may never get apologies you think you deserve, and you may never take back the words you said that hurt someone.

You cannot think about a mistake you made and let it eat away at you from the inside out. Remember, if we made no mistakes in life, we wouldn’t be people who learn. As people, we strive on learning and taking one step at a time, moving forward slowly.

While some things get destroyed and ruined in the process, other things get rebuilt stronger and better. You can’t undo the past, no matter how much you would like to.

As people, we can only look at ourselves in the mirror, own up to mistakes that have occurred, forgive ourselves, forgive others who have betrayed us and seek forgiveness where we need to.

Some people won’t take your apology, no matter how many times you say it. People on their death beds regret so much — the relationships they didn’t try to fix when they had time, the mistakes they never forgave themselves for — and they die with the guilt that ate away at them for so long.

You must forgive yourself for mistakes, no matter how big or small. They made you exactly who you are today, and you are stuck with yourself the rest of your life. It’s time to accept your past and move forward.

11 Ways A Partner Is Completely Different From A Boyfriend Or Girlfriend

The term “partner” has a solid ring to it. It indicates that you are with someone who wants to share his or her life with you. On the other hand, a “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” is someone you fondled in high school at a house party — and it was serious because it happened more than once.

Of course, terminology doesn’t always matter; however, there is something very grown-up, romantic and soulful about calling the person you love your partner.

It shows respect, equality and a determination to at least try and live a life together — even in the face of adversity, boredom, misunderstandings, insecurities and fears.

Here are 11 differences between your boyfriend or girlfriend and your partner:

A partner genuinely is your best friend

This does not mean that either of you forget every other friend you ever had and start living like hermits in a cocoon of unwashed sheets and omelettes in bed. Rather, it means you find each other funny and trustworthy.

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A boyfriend or girlfriend will always turn up for the Thursday night romp

…not so much for the Saturday morning outdoor activity. The boyfriend or girlfriend might have promised you a bike ride, but is hungover from last night’s unexpected shots.

A partner will be at your doorstep at 6 am, sandwiches in hand.

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For a special occasion, like your birthday, a partner will take time to plan an activity

… and it’ll be something the two of you can do together.

A boyfriend or girlfriend will buy you a gift and be done with it, but will happily enjoy the free booze you provided for the party that you planned yourself.

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A partner will want to physically touch you, even when it is not about sex

He or she will put an arm around you when you are out with friends having a great night because he or she associates happiness with you.

A boyfriend or girlfriend will touch you, mostly if sex is anticipated within the next 30 minutes.

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A partner will kiss you before going to work

Affection is easy to come by at romantic restaurants, on drunken dancing nights and when you are horny, but affection at 7:30 am on a weekday, when you are late and thinking about meetings and deadlines, should be taken much more seriously.

You are such an important part of your partner’s life that without you, it would be difficult to get up and go to work — or do any of the things we have to do, as humans.

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A boyfriend or girlfriend will share his or her TV-binging preferences, but will keep the real secrets under wraps

A partner will tell you more than he or she tells anyone else. A partner knows that you are the one person in the world who will work hard to sincerely understand.

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A partner really thinks you are smart and can help

A partner knows exactly what you do at work and will also ask you for advice regarding difficult situations in his or her career.

A boyfriend or girlfriend will say that you do something related to marketing or administration — or any such broad category that sounds about right — when asked about your career.

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A partner will get excited by things that excite you

…even though he or she might not personally find that something very interesting. Partners are excited by your happiness and know that whatever it may be, together, you will find a way to enjoy it.

A boyfriend or girlfriend will do whatever just to score brownie points to use against you at a later date.

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A partner will let you know if he or she is running late and when he or she is leaving work

This very simple gesture actually means a lot, as it shows respect and consideration.

Everyone is busy and things happen, but a partner knows that you are waiting to see him or her and wants to keep you in the loop to show you that you are a high priority.

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Your partner might be a sarcastic ass (and that’s probably why you love him or her), but he or she knows when to shut up and speak from the heart

A boyfriend or girlfriend won’t pay enough attention to you to know when you are really upset.

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You will catch your partner smiling, when looking at you secretly

Partners just can’t help it. Partners will also pull you closer in the middle of the night.

 

http://elitedaily.com/dating/11-ways-partner-different-boyfriendgirlfriend/734587/

 

The Science Of Trust: The Only Way To Be Happy Is By Acknowledging Betrayal Is Inevitable

http://elitedaily.com/life/science-trustworthiness-come-trust-person/749764/

 

What does it mean to trust somebody? You confide in those you trust. You befriend those you trust. You fall in love with those you trust. When you trust someone, you are so confident in your relationship with that person that you share your deepest secrets, desires and self.

Trust is cultivated in a variety ways. Surprisingly, your brain is able to tell right away if you’ll trust somebody just by looking at his or her face.

Pronounced cheekbones and higher inner eyebrows, according to research at NYU, are perceived as trustworthy facial features. Contrarily, shallower cheekbones and lower inner eyebrows are perceived as untrustworthy.

Our brains assess these trustworthy features without our conscious thought.

The amygdala — a small, almond-shaped mass in the center of our brains — automatically registers a person’s facial features and determines how trustworthy that person is before we can logically do it ourselves. ”To trust or not to trust” is an instant reaction.

Jon Freeman, assistant professor in NYU’s department of psychology and the study’s senior author, said,

Faces that appear more untrustworthy and likely to inflict harm are spontaneously tracked by the amygdala, so the amygdala could then quickly alter other brain processes and coordinate fast, appropriate responses to people — approach or avoid.

Now, once we determine that somebody is worthy of our innermost thoughts, how do we actually start building a relationship?

There is always an unspoken agreement of trust between people in differing positions of authority. Trust between us and our doctors, teachers or parents, for example, is always understood. If that power is abused, the implied trust is completely broken.

Trust is often seen as something that is earned. Throughout your life, you’ll grow to trust, mistrust and re-trust — over and over again. If you’re looking to trust someone, says Dr. Laura Luchies, assistant professor of psychology at Redeemer University College, give that person opportunities to show you what they can do for you.

Start with small things. Let your boyfriend plan a date night. If he picks a place he knows you’d like, you’ll feel more comfortable relying on him for bigger things.

Ask your friend to help you pick an outfit for that date. If her choice reveals what she knows about you and your body, maybe you’ll consider her as a bridesmaid for your wedding. After all, she totally knows what colors complement you.

An important way to build trust with somebody is to recognize that betrayal is inevitable. David Bedrick, J.D., Dipl. PW, a counselor, educator and attorney, writes that expecting a life without betrayal will be hurtful.

Doing so causes us to hold back from forming meaningful relationships, taking risks and truly living.

Betrayal doesn’t just have to be something huge like cheating, physical abuse, stealing money or a friend disclosing your secret to somebody else. Betrayal can be subtle.

It can be as simple as your friend or relationship partner claiming to be a certain kind of person, but then having other desires and needs that they can no longer keep hidden from you, which forces them to change.

For example, they could have promised that they’d always listen to you, but then they found that they’ve been neglecting their own needs or opinions to make room for yours.

Or, in the case of a romantic relationship, they could have agreed to be financially supportive for you, but then they discovered that following their true passion as a musician is more important than maintaining financial stability.

We might even find ourselves betraying our loved ones, too.

All of us have negative qualities like selfishness, jealousy, anger or resentment that we, for the most part, try to repress. However, sometimes these hurtful qualities can unleash themselves in situations where we feel threatened, sad or need to affirm our importance or power.

These negative qualities, though largely unseen, are an unconscious part of all human beings. Promising they don’t exist or trying to stop them from being released when needed can lead to explosions of bottled up emotions and resentment.

It’s also a breach of trust; inevitably, these awful feelings will find their way to the surface, and both members of the relationship have to be prepared. The worst kind of promise we can ever make is the promise that we’ll never hurt somebody.

To truly trust somebody, you must get to know that person wholeheartedly — even the parts you don’t like. We tend to ignore negative qualities at the beginning of the formation of a relationship, but it’s important that we deeply and genuinely explore them.

This even includes qualities you may find embarrassing. Allow your boyfriend to see you with no makeup on, even if you think you look like a monster. Tell your girlfriend about your weird middle school obsession with Pokémon.

Once you realize they’re not repulsed by you for either of these things, you’ll feel more comfortable opening up about the important stuff. Disclosing personal information is a pivotal point in building trust, and someone worthy of a relationship with you will not judge you for something so intimate and private.

Trust is not about who you’ve known the longest or who has made the least amount of mistakes. Trust is built upon a genuine understanding of who you and the other person are. It’s also built on an understanding that no matter what happens, you value your relationship with someone so much that you will work it out no matter what.

The final and most important element of trust is to trust that you will always find a way.

Staying Is Settling: Why You Need To Move At Least 5 Times In Your Life

http://elitedaily.com/life/staying-settling-need-move-5-times-life/751829/

Time to leave now, get out of this room, go somewhere, anywhere, sharpen this feeling of happiness and freedom, stretch your limbs, fill your eyes, be awake, wider awake, vividly awake in every sense and every pore.  – Stefan Zweig

Turn around, look at your life and decide right now if this moment, this place makes your pulse race and your heart bend. If there’s not a fluttering feeling in the deepest part of your soul, questioning and absorbing everything around you, get out right now.

If you feel comfortable, content and unchallenged… stand up and walk away. Make plans or don’t make plans, but whatever you do, leave this place and find somewhere new.

There’s a reason the word “leaving” sounds so nice. Like saying “see you later” instead of “goodbye,” it puts you at ease. It signifies a fresh start, a departure from the old and overrun. Because leaving is just the precursor to arriving, and there’s nothing better than a fresh start.

Whether it’s a new apartment or a new city, starting over isn’t about changing your scene, but the way you’re living in it. It’s about opening your eyes again, walking to the ledge and looking up, down and across, once again comprehending the vastness of life that sits openly waiting for you.

Life has a tendency to get stale. Like your favorite food, it loses its edge after a while, that special quality that made you love it so much in the first place. We, like the places we confine ourselves to, become as dull and boring as our surroundings.

New experiences are the reason we live. They are the reason we get up every day, the reason we carry on. While we enjoy comfort, we crave experience. The point of living is not to resign yourself to one part of life, but to continually redefine yourself. It’s to baptize yourself, over and over again, in new waters and new experiences.

You have your entire life to be comfortable, to sit in your house and bask in the familiarity of it. But right now, while you’re young and uncomfortable, keep going, keep challenging yourself. Keep making yourself uncomfortable. Because it’s only when we’re uncomfortable that we are growing and learning.

To truly understand yourself, your purpose and those around you, you must keep moving. You must move at least five times; five times to open your heart and dip your toes into something new, fresh and life changing.

1. To get away from what you know

Your first move is like taking flight for the first time. Like learning to fly, you realize the only thing stopping you from the world is yourself. You don’t have wings, you have legs, airplanes and trains. You have buses, cars and ocean liners. You have the world in front of you, with nothing but open sky and limitless possibilities.

But first you must leave the nest. You must say goodbye to everything you grew up with, the small world you once considered enough. You must unlatch yourself from the comforts of the familiar and place yourself in the middle of chaos.

This first move is the hardest. It’s the moment you willingly decide to be uncomfortable, scared and alone. It’s making the decision to become a foreigner, an outsider, a refugee. It’s abandoning everything you once cherished for the idea that there’s something better out there.

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2. To find new experiences

The second move you make should be one of restlessness. You should be tired of the same flavors of your now comfortable surroundings. This move is about feeling again. It’s about accepting that you can’t possibly know everything, but you are going to try.

You are going to have experiences, adventures and an unforeseen future. You don’t know who you’ll meet, what you’ll find or how you’ll get there, but you will do it. You will jump into it blindly and openly.

You will make new friends, find new flavors and reignite that passion for life that came with your first move. You will not rest until your hungry soul is placated. You will leave your old friends for new ones, your first language for another and that idea that you’re home for that invigorating feeling of homesick.

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3. To chase love

To chase love is to chase happinesses. It’s to decide that you will throw yourself into the swirling, maddening and restless chase we’re all trying to enter. Because love is the ultimate destination, is it not? It’s the reason we move, every day.

It’s the reason we get up and fight through the bad. It’s the reason we keep going, trudging on, meeting person after person. It’s the last goal, the final frontier and the only thing worth moving for.

If you think you’ve found it… in a person, a city, a job, you must move for it. If your dream job awaits in Spain, you must move there. If your heart yearns for the pink beaches of Bermuda, you must go there.

If you fall in love on the dunes of the Cape with a man you barely know, you must follow him. Chasing love is not irresponsible, it’s honest. It’s admitting that there is no greater chase, nothing more important. Because if you’re not chasing love, what are you running after?

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4. To escape that love

Love isn’t infinite. It can be found in a moment, a single dose or a fleeting romance. It can be a year of perfect love with someone who isn’t supposed to stay in your life. It can be in beaches that bring you peace until your heart years for something new. It can be in the first bite of pasta and over with its last.

Love isn’t defined by its length but its capacity to touch you and change you. Just because it doesn’t last doesn’t mean it wasn’t real. You must leave for love but you also must realize when that love no longer remains.

You must be strong enough to walk away from finished love to find new love. You must flee the suffocation that comes from stifled love and keep your heart open for more.

You must never settle, never give in to the idea that you can’t have another one. Because the world is full of things to throw your heart into, things to make you weep and realize (yet again) why you’re alive.

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 5. To begin all over again

You must resist the confines of comfort. You must defy the idea of settled. You must never resign yourself to the ordinary or the easy. You must challenge tranquility for the promise of something greater.

To live is to be born and to continually live is to be reborn, again and again. As a new person, new lover, new friend, you must willingly evolve and transform into new versions of yourself.

You must never allow the new place you’ve created to become the final place. You must consistently defy the idea of comfort for the idea that you’ll never be fully satisfied unless you’re exploring, changing and moving

We Are Never, Ever Getting Back Together: 6 Reasons You Should Be Over Your Ex

http://elitedaily.com/dating/never-ever-getting-back-together-youre-better-alone/723198/

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: Relationships aren’t easy. As a very wise musician, Neil Sedaka, once sang, “Breaking up is hard to do.”

The decision to end a relationship may be easy for some, but for others, it’s a decision that takes a lot of time, internal mulling and external venting.

Once you make your decision, you may be immediately feeling regretful; after all, you spent a lot of time with this person.

He or she was your significant other; you were intimate and comfortable with this person. All of those things are not easily forgotten or left in the past.

In the end, however, you broke up for a reason. While you may be entertaining the idea of drunk texting this person at 2 am on a Saturday night and revealing how much you miss him or her, just don’t.

Here’s why:

1. It Ended For A Reason

You didn’t just break up with him or her out of the blue; there had to have been reasons. Nine times out of ten, the underlying problem didn’t disappear overnight.

Unless your ex has completely done a 360, don’t step backwards. Your relationship failed; don’t forget that reason when you’ve had a little too much to drink and you’re feeling lonely.

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2. After The Honeymoon Phase Wears Off…

While you may have remembered all the good times you shared, replaying cute conversations in your head simply creates a façade that everything was perfect.

If that were the case, you would most likely still be together. If you did get back together, it would be great during that “honeymoon phase,” but after that, the original issues will resurface, leaving you confused and heartbroken… for a second time.

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3. You Don’t Think You Can Do Better

You can and you will; it’s as simple as that. There are so many fish in the sea — it’s the oldest cliché in the book — and, yes, I’m throwing it at you because it’s true!

Once you’ve had enough time to get over your ex, explore your options. Let a friend set you up on a blind date, start swiping right on Tinder or just get someone’s phone number at the bar.

There isn’t just one person out there for all of us. There is the right person, at the right place and at the right time. Love is a tricky little thing.

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4. If It Were Meant To Be, It Wouldn’t Be So Hard

One of my friends said this to me during one of many venting sessions, and it stuck with me. You shouldn’t have to work as hard in your relationship as you do at your full-time job.

I’m not telling you there won’t be bumps in the road, but overall, you should be happier more times than sad in your relationship. If you were feeling the latter, especially towards the end of your relationship, it won’t be better the second time around.

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5. You Were Comfortable

Your significant other knew everything about you: your most ticklish spot, your favorite meal and exactly what you needed when you were hungover on a Sunday morning.

You may think you’ll never feel that comfortable with another person, but I promise you, it will happen. Most of us take time to open up to others, especially in our generation, where everyone is so quick to move on to the next best thing.

When the right person comes along, you’ll want him or her to know all of those things and more. In the beginning of a new relationship, you probably won’t be sharing your deepest secrets, be able to finish each other’s sentences or know exactly what your partner is thinking by just looking at his or her facial expression.

Eventually, you will get there with someone new.

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6. The “L” Word

You loved your significant other. I get it; I’ve been there, too. However, if you’ve learned anything from reading articles like these, you know with each new relationship, you learn more about yourself and how you love in particular.

Falling in love isn’t just about the person; it’s about the timing. Timing is everything, just ask Ted Mosby. When you fall into that forever kind of love, you’ll know it.

I am a firm believer in the mantra, “Everything happens for a reason.” You learned from the pain, so don’t subject yourself to it a second time around. Leave the past in the past, and move forward. There are far better things ahead than anything we leave behind.

 

For Anyone Who Has Ever Suffered The Pain Of A Broken Heart: There Is Hope

http://elitedaily.com/dating/every-broken-heart-hang-hope/724445/

Take yourself back to when you were 16. You were a completely different person than you are today, right? As we grow up, we grow out of bands, bedrooms, haircuts, friendship and, more often than not, relationships.

What we felt as heartbreak back then, we now see as our first crush welcoming a two-week relationship with someone else. However, we soon realized it wasn’t as detrimental as we thought, and we managed to move on.

I’m not suggesting actual heartbreak is comparable to teenage unrequited love, so don’t think I am underestimating the impact it can have.

Real heartbreak can utterly obliterate an individual, chip away at his or her character and cause complete devastation. You are left with a kind of nothingness, as though you are holding your breath, but do not want to exhale because then it will be over.

Regardless of how much you want the pain to end, it is the only attachment you still have to the individual, so it can feel better to brave through it than lose it for good.

Heartbreak leaves your entire body empty and your mind completely consumed. You are incapable of shaking your ex from your thoughts and everything you do, say, see or hear minds you of him or her.

You hate your ex for leaving, yet long for him or her back. The absence of this person has created a hole no one will ever fill. Even if you fall for someone else in the future, it will be a different kind of love, of which will hold a different part of your heart.

We go on dates thinking this person could be “the one,” and without getting to know him or her, we are blinded by the illusion of love and fantasy of romance. Real love will break our hearts, hurt us, deflate and wreck our self-confidence. It’s something you won’t find in the movies.

However, just like your 16-year-old self, you will overcome this. You may feel as though you’re watching your life go by in fast forward with you stuck in pause, but you must keep moving.

It’s okay to cry; it doesn’t mean you’re weak. But when you do stop, do not cry again. Never go back to the person that hurt you and put you through this pain.

Once the trust has gone, it will never be the same, no matter how hard you try. You will always be suspicious and curious if this person was capable of doing it before.

This is the first and hardest part of letting go of the pain, but it will be the beautiful beginning to you moving on. If you’re giving love and not receiving it, you’re in the wrong relationship. If you’re receiving it and not giving it, you’re taking advantage of the other person.

Never pursue love with someone who takes you for granted because someone who is only half interested doesn’t deserve the whole you.

Similarly, don’t be reckless with someone’s emotions; if you’re going to invest the large amount of time that comes with long-term relationships, be passionate about it, and about him or her.

Love is a crazy thing. You crave it when you don’t have it, yet often miss the chance when you do.

Finding “the one” is probably the hardest challenge you’ll face in life. Just like life itself, the only way you’ll get it right is through trial and error.

It may take longer than you expect or wish, but never give up on yourself or finding it. Sure, there will be lots of Mr. Rights out there, but only one Mr. Perfect.

Be patient and never settle for someone for the sake of it, or because you want the relationship rather than the person. This will only result in more upset further down the line.

Finally, know that everyone is beautiful to someone. Just because he or she is not around at this instant, doesn’t mean that the person for you does not exist.

Your perfect match is out there; it’s just unfortunate that the more you try to find something, the harder it is to see.

To The Girl Who Replaced Me, Please Take Care Of Him

http://elitedaily.com/dating/letter-girl-replaced/707040/

Dear Replacement,

There are a few things I think you should know, as you are now the object of his affection.

Don’t let it surprise you, how quickly you fall for him, and don’t be apprehensive in letting yourself fall. He’ll be there to catch you. Don’t let my Facebook page intimidate you. There were a lot of pictures of us, and while I hate to admit it, the pictures are a thing of the past.

He’s taken down most of them by now. He may not talk about me to you; he didn’t talk to his friends about it when it ended, so I don’t know if they will know either. It was a beautiful, one-sided love story of the past, but you are his future now.

We don’t know each other, and I am sure you already don’t like me. I resented you slightly when I first found out, but we do have something very wonderful in common, and it connects us whether we like to admit it or not.

I won’t text him or like his posts on social media. I can’t tell you every secret because it took me time to figure that out myself. But just trust that there are reasons he doesn’t say what you want him to, and there are reasons he doesn’t do what you want.

He will spoil you from time to time, but he is wise with his expenses; he spends money only when he needs to. You are going notice how he gets excited like a child when it comes to certain things and learn to hear giggle in his laugh.

You’ll find out his favorite movie and he’ll make you sit through it; I know I couldn’t without falling asleep. You’ll notice how he loves watching movies and how he might do it more than going out.

You will see him out drunk and he’ll get mad sometimes. He has a temper, as I’m sure you have noticed, so don’t take it personally. When he storms off, let him go and trust he’ll always come back with a smile and his bright blue eyes that make you look away.

When he falls in love with you, let it not scare you when he cries because that’s the one thing that triggers those emotions in him. When he falls in love with you, you’ll notice you sleep better at night, and when it rains, his touch simply will vanish every fear.

When that happens, you’ll almost look forward to simple things, such as walks because he’ll reach for your hand and you’ll blush because no glove has ever fit it so well.

He’ll do whatever you ask of him and you’ll rarely fight. He doesn’t like advertising things like relationships and feelings, so don’t expect that of him, just know he does love you. He may not think of you at every moment, but you’ll cross his mind often enough.

He has bigger dreams than he is confident enough to believe in, so it’s your job to tell him every day how handsome he is and how smart he is and that he is capable of it all. He won’t believe you, but don’t stop saying it.

He’ll make you see the world in a new light, and you’ll start questioning things you never knew. He can’t cook, so don’t expect him to. You’ll find yourself laughing at his little catchphrases, and if you do something he doesn’t like, one eyebrow will raise and he’ll look at you without blinking.

When you two are out, he’ll watch you the whole time and it’ll seem like you are the only one in the room. When you dance, it’ll seem perfect. Let none of this scare you and love him the way he deserves. He’ll tell you about the past and his mistakes, so it’s your job to take his hand and let him know you’re not judging him.

He is a better person because of all of that, and he’s found you because of failed relationships in the past. I hope you love him the way he deserves and I hope he loves you as deeply as I thought he did me. I hope he’s honest with you in a way he never was with me, but most of all, I hope he gives you the fairytale I thought would once be my life.

Also: Remember that I don’t dislike you, but if I’m being honest, I am jealous of you. I have found acceptance, but I’m also happy someone else gets a chance to experience what I did.

I hope one day I can properly meet you. Like I said before, we have a connection that no one else can say they have and I’m sure you are a wonderful person. He looks at who a girl is first before falling in love with her appearance. It’s a rare quality in a man.

I only ask one thing of you: Don’t hurt him the way he hurt me. I believe in karma and I believe people get what they send out to the world, but I never wish that pain upon anyone, especially him. You are dating the man of our dreams and I truly mean it when I say I hope it all works out for you.

Sincerely, The Other Girl

 

A Letter To The Man Who Broke My Heart: I Came Out On Top

http://elitedaily.com/dating/sex/letter-to-man-who-destroyed-my-heart/729122/

I’ve had two magnificent loves in my life.

I felt as if love was the very liquid flowing through my veins: heart-racing, endless-butterflies, flushed-face, cheeks-hurt-from-smiling-so-much, couldn’t-wait-to-spend-every-waking-moment-with-him type sh*t.

You can probably guess where this is going. Neither one worked out, but the second one left me guessing whether I could ever recover from all the hurt and anguish he put me through. Most importantly, could I ever trust another man with my heart, body, mind and soul?

Even I felt as though I had to tiptoe around the shambles of my own heart; I was left to put everything back together. Before I could move forward with my life, I knew the first steps to moving on would be to forgive.

I’ve never said this openly to you, but now it’s time. To the man I thought you were:

You met me at such a vulnerable and fragile stage of my life, and you took full advantage of that. Just shy of 21, I thought I had found the love of my life.

You were everything I had always dreamed of and everything I thought I wanted. You were five years older than me, established, smart, handsome, funny, witty, skilled, so talented at your job and you could make me weak at the knees.

I’ll hand it to you; your facade was that of one who had clearly done this before. You had me in your hands like putty. Little did I know you would try to mold me into everything you needed me to be.

How naive I was to believe that someone like you could actually love me, wholeheartedly. It’s my own fault, and now on the verge of 26, I can take responsibility for what I failed to notice.

I guess you could say I did notice, just didn’t care to pay attention to all the red flags. You always wanted me to be something more, something your parents would approve of. Someone who resembled more of what your stature represented, almost like a social class.

I guess I should have listened to you when you said your mom wouldn’t approve of my tattoos, the very art I had engraved into my skin before I ever knew that you existed. Or maybe the times you told me to not do my hair a certain way because you didn’t like it.

How about the times you always gave me sh*t for dressing up nice, always assuming I was trying to impress someone? Did you ever think I was trying to look nice for you?

With all the guilt you carried around, I MUST be up to no good. All the simple things I enjoyed, you hated. I always wondered why I stayed with someone who so clearly didn’t like anything about me.

Then it clicked: I was convenient. I was an easy back up. Just tell her what she wants to hear, give her a little bit of hope, give her a little bit of rope and just real her back in when you need her.

Goddamn you, asshole, for making me feel so inadequate. I always made an excuse for your behavior. That is nobody’s fault but my own, but it is time you take responsibility for YOUR actions.

After all, if you had been the good boyfriend you claimed to be, I wouldn’t have had to make an excuses for your twisted, sick, and f*cked up choices.

Of course, you were always so talented at turning everything around and making me the bad guy. “I told you I didn’t want to be in a relationship … it’s not my fault if you get hurt. We aren’t together.” Oh we aren’t? I’m sorry, I must have you confused with the guy who has me over every night and day.

I come home, cook, clean, take care of the house and dog, do your laundry, fall asleep and wake up next to you every day. I’d catch you in a lie, or online dating sites, or going on dates on Valentine’s Day, or how about that late dinner on NYE that wasn’t with me?

Yet, if I dare talked to anyone, showed interest in anyone, I was the piece of sh*t. Wait a second … didn’t you say we weren’t together? I should be free to talk to whomever I want, right?

Do you even have any idea what I told these people who tried to date me? That I was still in love with someone, and I wanted to see it through the end until he clearly looked me in the eye and I knew it was over for good.

What hurt the most is when I would build up all this courage to finally say that I was done with feeling this way. That you no longer were going to have so much control over me, and that I no longer wanted to be with someone who couldn’t treat me the way I deserved.

Here you come with a sad face, making your eyes well up, telling me you don’t know why you continue to hurt the one person who has loved you for the last three years. You got me … back to square one. He’ll change, things will be different, I know he loves me. He almost cried…

So here we are. I have forgiven you, and have forgiven myself, but that doesn’t mean I still don’t get angry for all the times you made me feel so worthless.

While you never directly said it, I always knew it was implied. It’s my fault for sticking around, and it’s my fault for not listening to everything you were saying. Nobody ever said I was perfect, and lord knows I am flawed to the bone. My weakness isn’t really a weakness, it’s more of a strength. I love with all my heart, through thick and thin.

I give it all I got, and I was not the one who quit. No matter what you did, I still loved with you. It’s just a crying shame that you gave up on me. You doubted my abilities and you were ashamed. Yet, I never once said I was ashamed of you and all your flaws.

I learned to love my solitude, and I learned to love every single part of me. I enjoy not being a perfect specimen of a human being. I embody true beauty. I may be an emotionally f*cked up individual, but damn, am I strong. Anyone who has had to endure three years of your bullsh*t deserves an award.

So thank you, thanks for helping me realize just how badass I am. I’m living a fabulous life.

By the way, I heard you got married, cheers to that! I wish you nothing but happiness. I can genuinely say that because when you really love someone or in my case (loved) someone, regardless of what they’ve done to you, you do want the best for him.

My heart doesn’t have room for hate, it’s too full of love for the ones who care about me.

Sincerely,

Little Kid

Sticks And Stones: I Stayed In A Verbally Abusive Relationship Because I Refused To ‘Give Up’

http://elitedaily.com/life/culture/why-i-stayed-in-abusive-relationship/749225/

12 Special Qualities A Woman Has That Mean You Should Never Let Her Go

http://elitedaily.com/dating/gentlemen/12-qualities-find-woman-never-let-go/749353/

Ryu ramen

When boredom strikes

 self-ex·pres·sion

noun the expression of one’s feelings, thoughts, or ideas, especially in writing, art, music, or dance.

 

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Self-expression and communication is one of the strongest and most natural desire we all have. The natural desire to share life with other and express who we are is one of the best ways to find peace of mind. It gives you a sense of freedom and community that brings us together and keeps us safer from trouble.  

 

 

Expression (of all kinds) is very healthy and healing when it comes with dealing with life. It’s also good for the person listening because they can learn more about different life experiences which can eventually teach them something new and maybe even helpful.

 

 

Most people who express themselves (in any variety of ways) are usually healthier then those who don’t because human interaction brings good health. Self expression also one of the quickest and most effective ways to relieve stress. Being too quiet can lead to depression or frustration because of the loss of human contact. Self-expression is essential to sanity as well. Its completely natural to talk or want to share info with others. Different forms of self-expression lead to a clearer state of mind and well being. When you express your thoughts without hesitation and complete honesty you enter a state of peace within yourself. That is a way of your body expressing to you that your self-expression leads to feeling good. Precaution and consideration should be added to insure a sense of courtesy. 

When people hide their feelings and choose to stop communicating, they eventually end up depressed, delusional or confused. Self expression is a great way to relieve stress.

 

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“Follow your inner moonlight; don’t hide the madness.”
― Allen Ginsberg

My reaction when i first saw my passport..

How to make sure it’s safe to drink?!

Enjoy! Hehehe..

July 2014.

I never thought i’d find friendship from these fabulous girls. Thank you!

I can be happy again..
I can do it on my own.
#gettingthere

Jogging/aerobics in angkor wat 2012

Christmas season na ulit..

Hita….

090814

“kahit naman daw hindi mo ikwento sa kanila kung anu nagyari.. alam na nila.. dahil sa mga posts mo sa fb”

hindi naman lahat ng posts ko eh about sa kanya.. when we were still together, whenever there are posts or pictures that I like, I share those too. Not because gusto ko patamaan yung boyfriend ko that time, or kahit na sino. But because I remember someone on that photo or quote (or saying), and also because it caught my attention even if there’s no particular reason at all.

I know people will get tired of hearing my story. Not everyone’s like me. for me kasi, kahit paulit ulit ko marinig yung kwento nun isang tao, if it’s the only way I can help that person, makikinig at makikinig ako. Kasi I wouldn’t know how painful it is for him or her. Other people might say ‘gasgas’ na yung kwento and they might get tired of giving advice kaya they would avoid that person whenever they feel na magku-kwento nanaman sya.. but for me, chance ko yun para makatulong.. and it simply means that person trusts me with her feelings na hindi ko sya ija-judge just by hearing her out.

I just cant understand why people will say something nasty about what I’ve been going through kung hindi naman nila naiintindihan. Never would they understand how I feel, what I’m going through, kasi they weren’t there. Only keith and my housemates and my clsoest friends in the office are the people who has the right na magcomment. Kasi sila yung nakakita ng lahat. Sila yung nakakita how sad I am, how miserable I am, how devastated I am.. sila lang.

I appreciate the effort of my friend keith. super thankful ako sa kanila. Lagi nya ko kinakausap via text or fb messenger since nalaman nila that he broke up with me. she offered na tutulungan nya ko makahanap ng malilipatan after I found out na meron ibang babae yung boyfriend ko. Even if she has her own problems, hindi nya ko pinabayaan. Nun kelangan ko na umalis ng apartment and wala ako mapupuntahan, she offered their place for me to stay. She was there all throughout the process. I would never forget everything she has done for me, together with her boyfriend and yung mga kasama naming sa unit. That’s why when my ex boyfriend told me “bakit nga ba kita ihahatid pa eh mas importante naman sayo ang mga kaibigan mo kesa sakin..” hindi ako nag-dalawang isip na sabihin sa kanya “kasi hindi nya ko iniwan.. ikaw yung inasahan ko na andun, pero hinde.. siya yung andun.. sya yung hindi nang-iwan..”

How?

my dream photoshoot (soon..)

wow! mowdel lang ang peg!

plan:

motorbike: sponsored by Ken’s brother or Cora’s boyfriend

photos: Joey

hair & make up: photographer’s team

#dreambig #walangbasaganngtrip

 

kumpleto na. abs ko na lang ang kulang!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*****photos courtesy of http://blog.leatherup.com/2012/05/29/photos-and-videos-biker-girl-of-the-week-gas-station-girl-sexy-harley-davidson-ads-with-supermodel-marisa-miller/

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

signs your’re still in love with your ex (excerpt)

source:

http://www.bustle.com/#/articles/21534-6-signs-youre-still-in-love-with-your-ex/image/76687

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After the end of a relationship, it’s totally normal to feel depressed and to think that you’ll never find anyone you like or love as much. There may be days, weeks, or months in which you listen to Adele’s “Someone Like You” on repeat and sleep with a sweater that still smells like your old flame.

But what if these thoughts and feelings become overwhelming? At a certain point, you have to ask yourself: Am I still in love with him or her? Instead of tossing and turning all night trying to figure it out, check out our list of six ways to know when you’re definitely not over your ex.

Note: None of these items is a sign that you’ll never get over him or her or that you should try to get back together. The topic is complicated, so make sure to talk out your feelings with a friend or therapist before making any decisions.

 

1. It’s been a long time, and you’re still thinking about him or her

You’ve likely heard someone say that it takes about half the time the relationship lasted to recover from the breakup (and some psychologists actually support that idea). But the truth is, the time it takes to get over an ex depends on a few factors, including the intensity of the relationship and your role in it. In general, though, if it’s been years since the end of a six-month relationship and you still feel attached to your ex, you might want to seek professional help. 

2. People are sick of hearing you talk about him or her

It’s unrealistic to think that, after a breakup, you’re never going to think or speak about your former partner ever again. But if you’re constantly finding reasons to mention his or her name and the experiences you shared, it’s a sign that you probably aren’t over your ex, according to Lancaster, Pennsylvania-based marriage and family therapist Joan Sherman, L.M.F.T. Since it can be hard to gauge how much you talk about your ex, go by what friends, family, and even new romantic partners say. If they think it’s a problem, it probably is. 

 

3. You’ve been in romantic relationships with other people but still feel bound to him or her

Research suggests that starting a new relationship with a new person (when you’re ready) can help you get over a breakup. If you find that you’re having trouble with this new relationship because you’re constantly comparing your current partner to your old one, it could indicate that you’re still attached, Sherman says. Similarly, Sherman adds, “If you start to feel feelings for somebody, and then you squash them because it gets too scary,” that could also be a sign that you’re hanging on to your ex.

4. Your ex is the first person you think of when you’re upset

When you date someone for a while, you start to rely on him or her for emotional support. After you break up, you have to find new sources of that same kind of care.

According to relationships researcher Samantha Joel, “the main telltale sign that someone is still attached to their ex is how readily their ex enters their mind when they are anxious or upset.” In other words, if after a bad day at work all you want to do is call your ex and vent (even though your mom and your BFF are first and second on speed dial), it might be an indication that you still have feelings for him or her.

Pin it

5. You can’t see anything negative in the relationship

Even the healthiest relationship is bound to have some weak points. One way to know if you’ve started to get over an ex is if you’re able to evaluate the relationship realistically. That means recognizing its positive as well as negative qualities.

Says Sherman, “If you’re not willing to look at how that relationship helped you and also didn’t help you … then that’s a little bit of a question for me.” In fact, one study found that people who were able to think something negative about their partner a month after breaking up were more likely to have an easier time adjusting to the end of a relationship.

6. You’re really busy, and you still feel like something’s missing

When you’re grieving the end of a relationship, keeping active and working toward new goals is crucial, says psychologist Kelly McGonigal, Ph.D. It’s not that you want to completely distract yourself from your negative feelings, but having too much time on your hands can make it harder to remember that there are other parts of life you actually enjoy. If your calendar is filled with training for a half marathon, happy hours with pals, and volunteering at your local soup kitchen and you’re still pining for your ex, your feelings might be stronger than you’re willing to admit

5 Rules to Dating Someone New (excerpt)

By Mia Garcia

Posted May 19 2014 – 4:25pm

Tagged With: 5 Rules to Dating Someone New, dating, HCUCR Blog, Mia Garcia, UCR Blog

 

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Getting back into relationships can be scary, especially if you are someone who is getting out of a long term one. You may feel like you have no idea how to be with anyone else so part of you screams “What is the use of getting back into another one?!”. But honestly getting back into relationships can be fun if you think positively.

1.     Never bring up your ex

This one is kind of common sense especially if you are going out with someone new for the first time. I mean, I may say its common sense but then sometimes even I almost bring up the past loves of my life. Sure its ok to talk about relationships in broad terms. Its also ok if you are asked about your history but don’t volunteer the information. Trust me, if they want to hear about them they will ask you. Because whether we like it or not the question of an ex will come up. And as much as we hate to admit it they did shape our history and personality in some way shape or form.

2.     Never compare the new person to your ex

In the beginning, this can be hard because you have gotten so used to the habits of your ex that his habits become your expectation. You have to slowly learn to not compare your ex with the new person in your life because by doing this you can learn who he/she really is.  And in doing that you will allow yourself to let go. 

 

5 Rules to Dating Someone New

By Mia Garcia

Posted May 19 2014 – 4:25pm

Tagged With: 5 Rules to Dating Someone New, dating, HCUCR Blog, Mia Garcia, UCR Blog

 

<:article id=node-article-960019 class=”node node-article node-promoted node-published node-not-sticky author-uc-riverside-contributor odd clearfix” sizset=”1″ sizcache=”1″>

 

Getting back into relationships can be scary, especially if you are someone who is getting out of a long term one. You may feel like you have no idea how to be with anyone else so part of you screams “What is the use of getting back into another one?!”. But honestly getting back into relationships can be fun if you think positively.

1.     Never bring up your ex

This one is kind of common sense especially if you are going out with someone new for the first time. I mean, I may say its common sense but then sometimes even I almost bring up the past loves of my life. Sure its ok to talk about relationships in broad terms. Its also ok if you are asked about your history but don’t volunteer the information. Trust me, if they want to hear about them they will ask you. Because whether we like it or not the question of an ex will come up. And as much as we hate to admit it they did shape our history and personality in some way shape or form.2.     Never compare the new person to your ex

In the beginning, this can be hard because you have gotten so used to the habits of your ex that his habits become your expectation. You have to slowly learn to not compare your ex with the new person in your life because by doing this you can learn who he/she really is.  And in doing that you will allow yourself to let go. 

3.     It’s ok to date multiple people

I think it’s a good thing for people to go through that time of their lives when all you do is date. Its perfectly normal for the twenty something year old to figure out what they want, because I mean Taylor Swift seems to be having a good time right? And in the search you are also able to figure out your own self. Despite popular belief, your prince charming is not going to ride in and take you away on a horse drawn carriage. He’s most likely going to be coming in on a 2002 Honda Civic or something of that nature.

4.     Make the first move

These days we live in a world where women can take charge. So instead of waiting for him to take it the next level, Go for it! If you’re both feeling a liking for one another, What can you lose?

5.     Be Yourself

This is crucial because we sometimes forget to be ourselves when being with someone new. Nerves can sometimes become an issue. But don’t fret and just remember the other person you are out with is feeling the same way too!

18 Perfect Things About The First Weeks Of Dating Someone You’re Really Into

super like the post 🙂